Will's Recovery Blog

Moving forward...

2012-02-12T21:34:00.000-08:00

My heart broke into a million pieces a few weeks ago when my sister called me to let me know a close friend of mine lost her brother, TJ, in a car accident. He was only 18 years old.... in fact last year I took his high school senior pictures. After the shock of the news wore off I sorta just rolled into a state of sadness... I couldn't believe it. And when I tried to believe it, I was just more sad. I tried to explain the pain away but that didn't help either. In fact I've been so late on this blog entry because I haven't known what to say. I still don't really know what to say. I don't think TJ's sister will ever read this, and I don't have to make things better for the family, but I at least want to offer comfort. Comfort to anyone who has dealt with loss on such a grand scale.

I read in the news an article of a young mother her lost her husband.... she said she didn't like the phrase "moving on" you don't ever move on from something like this. You move forward. From the minute something like this happens you start "moving forward." You don't let it "define you" or hold you back. In Will's case the stroke will always be a part of his life. But how he has moved forward and continues to move forward from his injury has made all the difference. Our marriage is one of the many results of his not giving up. Of his moving forward. His positive attitude in the face of such a difficult circumstance has made his situation so much better than it could have been.

As far as words of comfort-- I want to share one thing I know for sure. That this life is not the end. It isn't the beginning either. We lived with our Heavenly Father before we came. We accepted the opportunity to come here and TJ has returned to prepare to live with our Father in Heaven once more. And while the separation for his family is bitter. It is not forever. TJ's family can see him again, if they also live worthy to see the Father again. TJ's mother has already said her desire to live better is so much stronger, knowing that if she lives right she can see her son again. And it is only through the atoning sacrifice of the Father's Only Begotten, Jesus Christ, who made it possible for our flesh to be taken up again and to be reunited with our spirit. No greater comfort can I offer than the personal invitation to all who read this blog to strengthen their relationship with the Savior. So that they might live in total peace that no matter what happens in this life.... we will live again. And we can live in glory with our families as we lean on our Saviors purifying power, and become more worthy each day for his kingdom.

When TJ died he was on the way home from a dentist appointment. The appointment was one of a few appointments he needed to complete to prepare to leave his family for two years and serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I believe February 1, 2012, TJ instead was called to serve a different mission.

Take a minute to watch the following video clip about a man who lost half his family in a car crash caused by a drunk driver...

Cognitive Recovery

2012-01-23T20:38:00.000-08:00

I gave up the "angry life isn't fair business" in the first year of Will's stroke. I knew I couldn't live like that. I knew we shouldn't live like that. But today I felt a little resentment. I felt justified. And for a moment I felt angry. On national television a reporter repeated Gabby Giffords doctor who said "physical recovery tends to plateau after at the year mark, but cognitive recovery happens for years. It just keeps getting better." I feel like I have been trying to convince doctors and specifically Will's neurosphycologist-- who writes letters to the doctors, of this fact for years. Why am I the one trying to convince the "experts" that my husband is getting better that cognitive recovery happens past 6-12 months unlike much physical recovery. That Will's cognitive recovery has never stopped! Every time our neuropsychologist writes a letter -- it just gets someone else to close a door on us!!! He, and other physicians (not all) have tried to get us to believe that Will's cognition is going to plateau and that will be that. I recognize our situation is not as black and white as give Will enough time and he'll be the same old doctor he was before. But I also believe he can be a doctor again and he will be a better doctor than he was before. I know this because I have front row seats to the most amazing cognitive recovery ever.

So why was I angry... I guess my anger was really fear. I don't want to hear no again. I don't want Will to be passed by for an interview because of potential misinformation/misunderstanding on the side of the interviewers. I want Will to have a chance. He studies anywhere from 8-10 hours a day! He doesn't give himself a day or hour off (I should know I tried to get him to just watch a movie with me tonight and he told me he couldn't he needed to study). I pray with all of my heart that Will's desires and preparation will lead him back to where he really longs to be. And I know not a day goes by that he doesn't pray for the same. Will has until June to take and pass Step 3 of the boards. After that this particular opportunity will no longer be available to him. Pray for Will this year. Pray for him to be able to scale this very steep wall that could lead him back to a residency position.

Speaking of extraordnary-- our son eats with a spoon and hardly makes a mess at all!!! At 16 months. Also he is offically walking as of a couple weeks ago!

A New Year

2012-01-07T14:56:00.000-08:00

I was at whit ends the last part of the year-- thinking- what will we do if we don't get into Physicians Assistant school. Waiting and hoping for a chance to start again, I nearly drove myself crazy. And then something happend. Will lost any inhibition he might have had to wait for an opportunity and started studying. He has been putting in 8 to 10 hour days for weeks now-- studying to take the third set of the boards. He takes and re-takes practice tests and is pouring over test prepartion materials. Without my prompting my husband is on fire with more motivation/desire to become a doctor than I've ever seen before. I am so pleased with this change of events that any sadness over not getting into PA school has melted away.

I am so happy to be his wife. To be the wife of someone who hasn't buckled under the weight of what seems to be an insormountable trial. I have never seen someone fight so hard to get back what he lost. His focus has never waivered. We have written and re-written plans and found more dead ends than I wish to count. There have been many opportunities to just walk away, but Will doesn't take the bait. I find more meaning in this relationship and in my husbands determination than I ever thought possible. I am grateful to be the recipient of such a wonderful love. In the prescence of such an amazing individual- day in and day out. And as we spent a day and a half away from our little guy to celebrate our anniversary. Shopping, eating out, playing chess, drinking hot chocoalate, listening to music, going to the movie theater, and staying at a fun hotel downtown Salt Lake City; I felt like the luckiest girl on earth. I don't know what our future holds but I know from past experince that it holds something wonderful.

It happened last night

2011-12-18T20:31:00.000-08:00

Will and I were leaving after a mormon tabernacle choir preformance, where Jane Seymour was the guest artist who told stories of King Wenceslas. As we were filtering out of the conference center with about 21,000 others, we made our way towards our parked car. After crossing in front of Mrs. Seymour's limo and thanking her for the preformance we proceeded to cross the street. At which point we heard a "Pow." Not a crash like metal on metal -- but a "Pow" like body on metal. We raced over to find two people rising from the ground. The driver apologizing than hurrying off in her SUV. The couple hobbled to the sidewalk where the girl had to sit down-- she said her ankle hurt. Of course as more time passed her ankle started to hurt even more and an ambulance was called. Will and I sat with the couple for about 30 minutes in the below freezing weather. We held her when she cried and laughed with her over her embarrasment of the scene. When all was said and done the paramedics reccomened she go get an xray on her foot and the police officer gave her a case number... he than said "this is a rotten thing to happen just a week before christmas." I quickly rebuttled "no it's not. It is such a blessing. It is such a blessing that something much worse did not happen...."

I know I am not always as sensitive as I should be and these words may or may not have been welcomed words... but I begin with this story because this is how I feel this Christmas season. Will and I have had a very magical season. And it isn't magical because we were welcomed into a PA school-- because we were not. It isn't magical because we got a job, we have not. It's magical because our situation is not much worse. It's a blessing that Will is alive, that we have Ben. That we are together and unified. Our family is well, our finances are stable, and we feel warmth from the angels/family/friends who surround us. In the past few weeks we have visited a few care facilities to bring them Christmas goodies. One person in particular, who we visited was a 20 something girl who could not move her arms or legs--- actually I don't know if she had arms or legs her body was covered by a sheet. To communicate she used a microphone attached to her head, and a computer that sensed the movement of her face. I don't know how she ended up like this but I imagine we can realize that no matter what situation we are in... things could be much worse--- that we really are blessed beyond measure. Take this season to count your blessings. Take this very moment to write them down. You will find much more to write than you ever expected. The Lord is great. He loves us and protects us. Be thankful for your life this season and for those you love!

The Wind Storm

2011-12-11T19:16:00.000-08:00

This Sunday was a little unusual. After church a couple of young men came to our door asking for fast offerings (donations we give once a month to our church). This was unusual because normally they come on the first Sunday every month. This time was different, however, because last Sunday, the first Sunday, our entire congregation was out doing something else.

What were we doing? Well, last week we had a terrible wind storm come through on Thursday and another one was predicted for Sunday evening. Because the storm was so terrible many trees here in Bountiful and throughout Davis county were blown over. Also the power was out for lots of people including us for at least a day and others had it out for longer. Because it was supposed to be windy again last Sunday night we spent a lot of time trying to be a little more prepaired for the storm. This meant getting rid of the trees that had fallen during Thursday's storm or at least tying them down so the wind couldn't blow the branches into other peoples houses.

One of the trees that blew over was a tree in my parents front yard. It was a massive tree and required a lot of work to get it cut up and moved out. Fortunately my parents had a lot of help both from neighbors and from the city as well as from us.

Its kind of sad now that the tree is gone. I think it was kind of a landmark of my parents property. But having said that I think the property will be fine including the place were the tree once stood. I'm not sure what they are going to do, maybe just flatten the area out and plant grass, or possible plant a new tree. I don't think it really matters. I guess, in a way, I'm kind of like the yard with that tree. Unfortunately a stroke was my windstorm and knocked my tree down flat. Fortunately, however, I've had a lot of help getting the old tree out and making room for a new tree to grow. I hope and pray that it will.

What if...

2011-11-30T21:22:00.000-08:00

For the past year I've been hoping to catch even just a glimse of what happened with Gabrielle Giffords. Just thinking about the sequences of pain, loss, and anger that she must be cycling through at having her very identity taken away or all of the sudden changed by a freak accident/incident. You can't imagine how long it has taken Will to begin to accept that one day he was a doctor and the next he couldn't remember what he had for breakfast or which part of the heart pumped out blood and which part let it in. For Giffords, I think some of her heightened deficits are the reasons the press was kept from her for so long. Because when you build it up in your mind as - she'll be back to her old self-- than she can return to her career or position in society as her "old self."

I sometimes wonder if we let Will "free" to the "press" too soon. If the first impressions doctors had of him when he returned for his trial rotation was their final impression-- that he couldn't possibly cross back to who he was. When we took Will to Ohio to be assessed I rehearsed with him pictures and names of his associates there-- so he could come across as being more competent. Now if we were to return I wouldn't reherse names with him. I wouldn't have to rehearse anything with him. When we talk now - he reminds me of dates and names. He explains medical information to me in detail and with great interest. If we had waited and "released" Will this year (instead of two years ago) would we have had more of a chance?

While I didn't see Giffords entire interview-- I saw parts of it. Giffords is unable to speak in full sentences. She is also unable to walk on her own. She was definitely different. People kept talking about a return to her position in office. But I think that was for show. I assume she and the rest of the crew knows, it's too soon to tell. In the meantime, Giffords was beaming. She was funny. She was strong. Gabby walks with a limp- but she walks tall.

A few of Will's brothers and sisters gathered to play ultimate frisbee Thanksgiving Day

Reconcile

2011-11-26T21:05:00.000-08:00

So I have a thing. We have to eek out at least two blog posts a month. But for me it's a lot less eeking cause I have a thing for writing. For Will-- he is fine with it but it's not as much his thing.... Why am I telling you this...We're late on this post and you might hear from me a few times in a row in the next week.

We have good excuses for being late on our posts. We moved. Will was in Ohio for a little bit and we were unable to leave our beds this last week cause we had a nasty case of stomach flu. The logical thing would be to tell you the details-- why we moved, why Will was in Ohio and the details to the stomach flu-just kidding I'll spare you those details. But you know me-- Will's in the details, I'm in the stories. So Hold tight and Will will tell you about his interview with a PA school in Ohio. Our move is complicated but it's having to do with selling the condo I own - maybe Will will tell you more about that too.

It is because of the above mentioned experiences in our life-- that I feel like the pressure is building. The pressure to get results, the pressure to move on with our lives, to find a way to not live in a box in my parents backyard the rest of our life. It was really weird marrying Will and knowing that our earning potential may be a dr.'s wage or may be quite a different wage. As it goes medical school debt really only makes sense on a dr's wage. So how do you reconcile the bills. I believe it has a lot more to do with living what you know than it does with how much money you make. In the end, it really doesn't matter if we make $$ or $$$, it matters how we lived. So I think the best way to reconcile is to be OK with who you are at the moment, doing the very best to make the person in the next moment proud of the person in the prior moment.

Will in Ohio at his interview

The Good

2011-10-29T19:33:00.000-07:00

Ben is learning sign language through a popular video series called "Signing Times." The videos were created as a response a mother had when she found out her one-year-old baby girl was deaf. In one of her songs on the video it talks about: Starting out with dreams then having fear overtake her (I'm assuming when she found out her little girl was deaf) and then looking to her hands and her "fear slipped away." The chorus goes onto say "So maybe we won't find easy, but Baby we've found the good." As the song continues images of a father and mother holding one another than playing with their child who is severely handicap roll on the screen. These types of hard times are ones that "never get better." My heart aches when I think of how difficult it must be for some people who live with or love someone who has a lifetime disability or a lifetime trial. They will never have it "easy" -- but is that what it is about? Finding the easiest path? One without heartbreak, one without sadness and even at times anger?

Listening to this song I can't help to wonder - how many people relate to the message the composer is sharing here "So maybe we won't find easy, but Baby we've found the good?" How many people relate to what it feels like to have found the "why or how" beyond their trial...that something that makes you more powerful- or in other words "more good."

Don't get me wrong-- heartbreak, sadness and anger of themselves do not automatically breed "good"-- it only has the potential to. In the song the author had to look to her hands and move forward. Then only later did her fear slip away and her "...hands(sign language) did so much more" for so many more people- than just her daughter.

My challenge is for those in the sound of this blog post to look deeper. To feel deeper. Anger, sadness, and heartbreak don't have to make us worse... it can make us better. Let the hard move you to do better-- let the pain push you to greater compassion, greater forgiveness...and not greater fear or anger or sadness, and I promise by doing this you'll find the good.

End of the season

2011-10-22T21:54:00.000-07:00

Well, its not really the end of the summer, summer ended about a month ago, but its about to get cold out and then we'll be doing inside stuff for a while. I suppose in a way thats sort of like my life right now. Although, in my case I had to move the party inside about three and a half years ago. Having said all that I would like to remind everybody that I was born in December and I got married in December. There are some real blessings to be had, even in the dark, cold times of the year. Plus spring always follows winter so there is always hope on the horizon. I will just continue plugging forward. Spring will come no matter how long or hard the winter is.

Now that I have gotten that off my chest I think I will talk about some happier things that have happened at the end of the season. One was a hike near Provo that I took with my wife and my Mom's side of the family including my Grandpa. It was a lot of fun, and, thankfully, all down hill. Little Benjamin might grow up to love hiking, but right now he can't sleep to well in the backpack so I think we'll have to keep our hikes short for his sake. Despite his displeasure with the last mile or so of the hike I think he and the rest of us enjoyed the trip quite a bit.

Another good thing that has happened recently is the engagement of my little sister Sarah. We are both very happy for her and hope the best for her and her fiance Paul.

The last thing I'll write about is Benjamin's birthday. He turned one almost a month ago. It doesn't seem that long ago, but I guess it is. In any case we had a party for him which included a delicious elephant cake. He also got a number of toys to play with and I think he came off pretty well. I am glad, however, that this sort of thing only has to be done once a year. Ben's first year video is on youtube. Visit it if you'e like. It does not have the original music my wife included with the video--but we added something youtube was ok with.

Waiting

2011-09-30T22:25:00.000-07:00

I remember it like it was yesterday, only it wasn't yesterday. It was a year and a little over nine months ago. Will and I returned from our trip from Ohio, and we decided it was time to have a child. I was comforted in thinking... "it will be at least nine months before a baby is born -- plenty of time for Will to secure a job. I mean it makes sense... he has a graduate degree, he is functioning at higher levels than many others. We can do this, we will be able to move on and afford a baby..." As we all know many things do not always work out as planned. Will spent many months looking for jobs, and interviewing at jobs. He was overqualified and underqualified for all the jobs we tried to get. He had spent the last eight years training for one thing... to be a doctor... so when it came to getting a job as simple as even a lab technician he did not have enough lab experince. Even though it has been three and a half years since the stroke, a marriage and a one year old later, we are still waiting.

The other day my sister said to me "I don't think my husband could do what Will is doing..." she was referring to how much time Will has to himself. I instantly cringed thinking... "he doesn't have a choice, he didn''t plan this nor does he want this but for some reason beyond our understanding he has to wait." However, as we have learned we can't always plan our future, and we don't always have a choice with what happens to us. We do, however, have a choice on how we are going to react to hard times when they come. I know I chose to marry Will, partly for how he chose to live before his stroke, but what sealed the deal was seeing how he chose to live after the stroke (serving, exercising, volunteering, studying, doing medical research, etc...). I love him more everyday for his choices. I also love him for choosing not to wait to bring Ben into the world. What a blessing he is in our lives. And as for Will and his future, I know that good things will come to Will who waits.

The Last Battle

2011-09-15T13:32:00.000-07:00

What I have been thinking about lately I am not qualified to write about, but will only touch on. I am not sure what inspired C.S.Lewis to think so much about the afterlife and so much about death… but the connections to these topics in his writing, specifically in the Chronicles of Narnia - are unmistakable. Will and I are on the very last book in the series "The Last Battle" and there are plenty of references to the Garden of Eden and partaking of the fruit (at the right time - not before the probationary period of life is over). There are also references to the Lion/Savior- who redeems all. My favorite references are those of the passing from one life to the next. The peace a true follower of "Aslan" (AKA the Savior) feels as he/she passes on. The power and beauty of returning to the one who began it all, and served and loved you throughout your life.

The reason I am not qualified to write on this topic is, I have not experienced it first hand. I haven't been the one who lost someone so close to me that I had to stop "living" myself for awhile while I recovered from the loss. I am however, attached to the theme - at times I feel like I have had a very unhealthy relationship with loss- or the fear of loss. I won't bore you with details of a teenager who would struggle to fall asleep and be in tears in her parents bedroom in the wee hours of the morning telling them never to die. I was so afraid of losing them. I was afraid of losing anyone close to me. I didn't think I could do it. I guess I wanted to touch on this subject today because I am starting to understand that living in fear of something (in this case death) is no way to live. Especially because having a knowledge of the next life and what might await us there, should leave us with a strong desire to return home to the creator of us all when the time is right (not partaking of the fruit too soon). I know those who read my words are not all of my faith, but imagine that you- sense something greater. I also imagine you have had times in your life when you have felt the love of God- and with that love you have been set free from fear and pain. Keep seeking him who created you- you will feel faith and not fear as you do.

As for Will and I, we are good. He continues to long for a return of his livelihood. As he coached our son up the stairs last night Will ached as Ben stopped halfway up- too afraid to continue to the top. He cried and reached for Will - but Will did not reach back he only waited for Ben to muster the courage to make it all the way to the top-- Will later told me that Ben did make it to the top-- and that he longs for the day that he too makes it to the top. I think he'll make it… What do you think?

p.s. If you are interested in learning more about our faith, and answers to questions like- What happens to us after we die. What about those, like some children, who die before they are baptized. Will they not be saved? Check out this video… you will never regret taking the time to watch it ;)

Camping

2011-08-31T19:56:00.000-07:00

Earlier in the summer we had the opportunity to go camping twice in the span of two weekends. It was fun, especially since we had Ben, a newcomer to the whole camping experience. I like camping, its a good way to get away from it all and just relax.

The first place we went to was in Northern Utah, north of Layton where we live. That time we went with Summer's older brother Dale and his family. I say we went camping, but I should add that it wasn't real rough camping. We had a pool there and four-wheelers so it wasn't quite roughing it. We did, however, lose a frisbee in the weeds across the stream so it wasn't totally like we weren't camping. We also went to the Martin Harris pageant which was nearby.

The other place we went the following week was near midway. It was right by a golf course, but it actually wasn't quite as fancy as the first place we went to--no swimming pool. But, again, it was nicer than just finding a spot in the great outdoors. We had nice bathrooms and there were places to park RVs. This time we were with Summer's uncle and we again had a four-wheeler. Besides going on a four-wheel excursion in which we ended up helping a stranded motorist with a flat, we also went to the lake and did some kayaking. We came on a Friday and on Saturday lots of other relatives came over for a picnic lunch.

Now we've been back for quite some time and just doing normal things. One thing is I'm applying for Physicians Assistant school. It should be fun, if we get in. I got my picture taken for one of the applications.

Ben really wanted a picture too. Summer was of course glad to get it for him.

We also had a fun neighborhood party last weekend where this picture was taken.

Down to the Wire

2011-08-17T21:45:00.000-07:00

Someone tell me that someday I will wake up and our future will not be one big question mark. Someone tell me that we won't have to hold our breath every time we apply for a desired position in school/residency/work/grant, hoping that someone will give us a chance. Someone tell me that it's going to work out - that someone will see Will's potential and stop assuming that he can't or that you don't really ever fully recover from such a serious brain injury (unless it's 12-18months after the stroke). Sometimes it just seems so unfair. And by unfair I mean- sometimes I feel like all the effort and time to get Will somewhere he is happy-- somewhere he has already worked for more than eight years to get to (becoming a doctor)-- is just a waste. I get so frustrated sometimes.

Today's frustration is centered around physicians assistant school/grants. It's not that we are there yet-- but we are a few days away from some critical deadlines, and things seems to be going wrong. The good news is that Will passed his summer courses. The bad news is that Will's teacher messed up a grade on his final and has to revise it before it goes on the transcript to be sent to CASPA (PA application center) and then mailed to the school of our choice. This all has to happen in two weeks-- the deadline is Sept. 1st for our school of choice-- (U of U). We get one shot at this and than we wait another year for another chance. I don't know how much longer we can hold out…with looming medical school debt, a mortgage, a little person to care for and so on… we're down to the wire. We need things to work out this year!

Reading through this post I can see that I'm experiencing woman brain-- clumping all my issues together and than expecting one solution or fix -- and of course that fix is someone else. Someone else has to give us a chance, we deserve better... I know that this is not how things work. Will's recovery comes one solution at a time and no teacher or job or college or residency program can just fix it all. And even though it is frustrating waiting and hoping and holding our breath… I know that someday we will wake up and our life will not just be one big question mark-- I know we can do this and you can too…Whatever your question mark is-- you can too…

Summer Fun

2011-07-31T19:04:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm gearing up for finals in the two classes I'm taking--Anatomy and Physiology. By the end of the week they will be behind me. Hopefully I will do well on the tests and they will help me get on with my life. In any event it is kind of nice to review the stuff I learned in medical school. But in reality, life isn't all tests and stuff, especially now that its summer. The summer is full of fun stuff to do and its especially fun when you have a wife and a little buzzard to do stuff with. Fortunately, I have both.

One of the fun things we did, actually this was just Summer (my wife) and I, was to go to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Pioneer Day Commemoration concert. We went with my little brother and his date and the concert was titled "For Those Who Follow: A Tribute To Our Armed Forces". It was kind of a nice combination of Pioneer Day and Independence Day.

Another fun thing we did was go to a water park. Okay, it wasn't a water park, just a park with some fun water things for the kids. We took two of our nieces and Benjamin, of course, and had a wonderful time. The nieces loved it (in-fact they enjoyed it so much that they forgot there shoes when it was all over) and I think Benjamin had a good time too. Although he was a little afraid of the water.

Fortunately summer isn't over. Even after the tests are done I'm sure there will be plenty of fun things to do with the family.

Not the only one

2011-07-14T11:15:00.000-07:00

About four months ago Faye, the daughter of a dear friend of mine, was diagnosed with a severe form of leukemia. A form that takes six months of chemotherapy-- with no real leave from the hospital. Every time four year old Faye even breaths in some wrong air- she can and has caught infections, that have her hanging on for dear life. Her hair is gone, she has a bucket labeled the bucket of comfort-- for how nauseous the chemo makes her, and she is regularly attached to IV's-- meaning shots. Can you imagine?! If you want to cry today, visit www.fayesfight.blogspot.com and scroll down to some of the videos on the site. Also while you are there please consider donating to her cause, as the costs associated with this type of leukemia are astronomical.

Will has not had to experience what Faye has to go through, but there are some similarities. Faye is hanging on for dear life and when the six months are over, Faye will have a 50 percent chance of this cancer returning. Initially Will had a pretty high possibility of having another stroke-- as the years pass this possibility decreases. Will and I were married only nine months after his stroke. When contemplating marrying him, at times I cried myself to sleep at night thinking I could lose him, the fear almost kept me for moving forward. I am so glad I let go of my fear.

Currently, Faye and her parents are fighting for their future financial stability, and a normal life for Faye. We are fighting for the same for Will. If people only knew how much Will walks around with the world on his shoulders. As government loans are unforgivable, we will be required to pay back Will's medical school bills, whether or not he returns to be a doctor. Three years after his stroke, Will is fighting for the ability to provide for Ben and I. Will is gone from 7 am to 9:30 pm Monday-Wed and then half the day on Thursday and Friday- attending school, volunteering at a lab and a free clinic. With post stroke experience under his belt we are hoping Will can someday return to a normal life/career.

I guess I am writing today to say: I know we are not the only ones who stand in the face of a very uncertain future. I know we are not the only ones who fear for their health and financial stability. So today if you are one of those people be glad you're not worse off. And if you're not one of those people lend a hand to someone who is, I imagine you won't have to look very far to find them. Lastly, don't let fear keep you from anything you want to do in this life. Your belief in a better day will set you free.

The Above and Below pictures are of Will and I volunteering at a fundraiser for Faye

And this blog post would not be complete without pictures of our little Ben

Our cute little swimmer pants

Ben at the Dinasour Museum in Ogden

Ben and his friend Brody

Every year...

2011-06-16T15:04:00.000-07:00

...something happens around the country that a small percent of the population knows about. I did not know about it until after I married Will. And now I know about it every year around this time. Will experinces grief and loss, meanwhile thousands new doctors are showing up at the first of July for call at the hospitals where they matched.

This is the third year I have been with Will since the stroke. The loss Will continues to feel is significant. I still only understand it a little. He put so much work and dedication. I can't think of another career field that requires the level commitment and hard work that it takes to be a MD. Will's work ethic and knowledge have not changed. He is gone about 60 hours a week right now, volunteering at a clinic downtown, a lab on U of U campus, and attending and studying for his classes in between. At the end of the day none of these activities result in a pay check but he still does them, and puts all of his heart into them.

So today I hope to relate what Will sometimes does not see. He is healing at an incrediby fast rate. He has come so far and he continues to push himself farther. And even though it is sad that he is not joining his fellow residents this year, he has the potential to someday. I am so impressed with Will. He gets better everyday. In even the last few months, I've noted more depth in our converstions and improved problem solving skills. I am so glad that things have turned out the way they have. The stroke brought Will home to me, and someday in the Lord's great mercy we will return as a family - to practice medicine.

Anatomy (again)

2011-06-05T11:31:00.000-07:00

So one of the things I've been doing to regain the information that I once had before the stroke is retaking some classes that I had before. One of these classes is anatomy. Of course, this anatomy is not as complete as the one I took in medical school, but it is a good review. In medical school we spent a considerable portion of time (I don't remember quite how long) at the beginning doing anatomy. In fact, we did anatomy for the first few months together before we split into regular and independent study groups. I chose independent study.

Anatomy in medical school was different. First of all it was an every day thing. Every day in the lab. Now I have lectures three times a week and I go to the lab just once in the week. Another think thats different is the cadavers. In medical school we worked in groups and had cadavers.

Now, we still go around in groups, but the cadavers are all gone. We just look at one part while one of the TAs explain what it is and why its important. I do think that I remember quite a lot of anatomy from medical school, but it is quite detailed and while the general concepts are still very much there, I am sure that some of the details have been lost and have to be regained.

I think one thing I am regaining again is being comfortable in the "university" setting. I do think its pretty comfortable, but I would much rather be in the graduate setting instead of the undergraduate. I am, after all, ten years older (at least) than most of my colleagues in the class. I guess in that sense it does feel like I've taken a step back, I've already been an undergraduate, but I am moving forward and its good to have the opportunity to relearn some of the things I knew before.

My father in law's birthday present. Sand for the sandbox.

Hiking with Ben and two nieces

Ben and his aunt watching us play ultimate in the rain.

Ben watching us play basketball.

Ben loves his backpack.

No shortcuts

2011-05-16T17:24:00.000-07:00

One day Will was capable and eligible to be a doctor and the next he was not. Some random clot that was never found, a hole in his heart (that one in five people have anyways), no one to check in on him in time, one nerve in a unusual place on his brain (connecting his left and right hemispheres) -- created a storm that is taking years to resolve. We've yet to find a quick way back. Initially, we timed his recovery six to twelve months out. With this timeline in mind we returned to his "residency" a year and a half after his stroke for a trial rotation, and he was not re-admitted to his position as a practicing doctor.

Plans change. They have to be re-written. We have been at the drafting boards for the last year now and I think we're comfortable moving ahead with our next "attempt" at returning Will to medicine. I want to go off on a tangent for a moment. When I say "attempt" or "move ahead" that generally means a financial risk. For example if we were to apply for a job tomorrow for Will and get it -- more than likely that would mean $30K job outside of practicing medicine and could possibly stop us from being able to return from residency due to lack of interim career/memory experience. Meaning $30k to pay off $200K worth of medical school debt. It would be a financial risk that could cost us our future/owning a home.

Now back on to the topic matter. They will not let us back into residency without proof of Will's capabilities, OSU told us they won't take him back to medical school and the U of U residency program said they won't let him do a "subinternship" to be brought up to speed in just a few months. The residency program he interviewed at, in December, did not accept him because they want more post stroke proof/experience in medicine. This means we have been denied practically all the shortcuts to getting Will back-- we have to "retrain" or "re-educate," which equals more financial responsibility.

I believe, however, this year's risks are much more calculated-- AKA less risky. This year we are still going off the assumption that Will is going to practice medicine again. Last year's failed risk cost us $2,000 in applications for residency, as there was no real interest in Will as a applicant. This year we are looking for $72K to go back to school, this time instead of medical school it will be Physicians Assistant School. This risk involves a lot more time and money, but it also secures us more education, more time for brain injury recovery activities and most importantly it gives us the PROOF that we need to secure us the future we are hoping for. At the least this route would be a $90K job and a better means to pay off our school loans. At the best it would be a great venue to get Will back to residency-- Proven experience in a the field he got his M.D. in.

I wish I could say we've secured the funds or that I am 100 percent positive Will can do this. Nobody--not even the doctors, have a crystal ball. So this time we are taking our steps one at a time, with no shortcuts! We've developed a trial period (we meaning financial stakeholders) to be sure Will can do this. Today Will started two classes at the University of Utah. He is in an physiology class and an anatomy class (back to the cadavers again;) Come the end of August we will see how he performs in his classes and also how he performs at doing Xray's at the free clinic that he volunteers, as he just got his certificate to do this. This will give us at least the needed evidence to then move on to apply for PA school…. So keep with us here, because the fun is just beginning.

Toastmasters

2011-05-05T20:33:00.000-07:00

A little over a year ago my father and I got involved with something called Toastmasters. Toastmasters is an organization for improving ones speaking skills. There are chapters all over the place, and what you do is just give, and evaluate, speeches. I gave a speech there probably once every six weeks or so until I gave a total of ten speeches. At the end of the ten speeches I won some sort of reward. I'm still waiting for the certificate, but whether or not it finally arrives I think it was definitely worth doing.

I think it was worth doing one, because I would like to improve my skills as an orator, and two, because it helped me draw closer to my Dad. I think it also helped me in my recovery from my stroke. Coming up with themes from my past and organizing them into speeches both helped me with my memory and with my delivery. While I don't know if doing these speeches helped a lot or a little with my recovery, I do feel that they did help.

In the future I plan to blog more about these speeches individually as well as other things and, hopefully, I can also find some meaningful relationship between them and my continued stoke recovery

Here are a few pictures we've taken on different excursions this past month. They have nothing to do with the aforementioned.

Benjamin and I checking out our cool new carrying pack.

Riding on the beach at Bear lake.

Benjamin and playmates watching Dad play frisbee.

Quite a dapper young gentleman if I do say so myself.

All dressed in our Sunday best on Easter.

Ben, uncle Jarom and grandpa Blackhurst at great grandpa Andrus's 90th birthday bash.

A New Day

2011-04-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

If we spend too much time looking back, we'll never move forward. I can say this because at times our progress has been stifled because too much energy was focused on: Why did this happen, or Will can't do that anymore because of...(you fill in the blank). Feeding on past failures only sets the stage for future regrets. I want to be blunt for a moment. There are probably plenty of people in the reach of our situation who doubt or don't believe we are spending our time wisely in trying to return to medicine. Perhaps we are holding onto false hope or unattainable goals. Especially if you know someone personally affected by a head injury-- you know the road to recovery is long and arduous and at times impassable.

We are keenly aware that time is a factor in every recovery and there is a balance between waiting for the return of functioning and moving on. There is great power in moving on and letting go. In fact it is necessary to our emotional healing….Accepting that we have deficits/weaknesses is not giving up on them.... it is the first step in overcoming them if it is possible or learning the compensating skills to move on. I also know at times these realizations do mean changing your dreams/career, but sometimes they don't.

As far as the logistics to Will's recovery-- we are in constant communication with Will's doctors/rehab specialist and our neruo psychologist in developing additional activities for Will's recovery. I believe science and faith compliment one another. Will's faith leads him to action. Day by day his efforts lead to improved cognitive ability. Those improvements lead to more ability which lead to more recovery. When the faith or works stop than recovery does as well. So for now we'll continue on this path, and continue to lead with: faith is the great healer and miracles do happen based on our belief (see previous blog entry).

So to end I'll finish with our "New Day." Will passed his test! He now has his limited scope license to work as a xray technician. While we have not secured Will a job in this field, he has been given the go ahead to preform xrays at the clinic where he volunteers. I anticipate in future entry's Will is going to be able to give you the logistics and details to this success and hopefully other successes he is currently having, with toastmasters and his lab research. But my point is we're still going strong. He does get better everyday. I do see a return to medicine for Will --- only time will tell when that may be but stick with us cause we're in it for the long haul.

Summer

ps I have a new favorite book "Over my head." It's a page turner! It's about a doctor who was in a bike accident and tried to return to practicing medicine but found herself instead with a serious brain injury that would take years to heal. I even recommend it to people who don't know anyone who has had a brain injury/stroke, this is good stuff!

Reality

2011-04-02T22:57:00.000-07:00

The other day I went into Ben's six month well visit, and as I was waiting for the doctor I had a conversation with the nurse that has sent me thinking. About two years ago she was diagnosed with leukemia. At the time the doctor told her it was only in stage two. Once treatments were over, and the cancer was removed through chemo however, she found out her situation had been much more serious than she had thought. Initially the cancer had indeed spread to multiple places in her body and had been in the final stages-- stage four. Her doctor, in his wisdom, had decided not to tell her the severity of the cancer until she was out of the woods, he told her patients fair better when the diagnosis "seems" more hopeful.

Can you believe it? One person's "belief" in their condition or "lack of belief" can change everything. I know faith in something we can't see does make a difference. I imagine this doctor understood this principle. Some might debate this doctor's counterfeit diagnosis. But what might have happened to this nurse if she had thought- she only had a few months to live instead of years to her life. It could have changed everything. Her children could be motherless right now. I could go on to discuss the ethics of this patient/doctor communication, but that is not the purpose of my post. My purpose is to better understand faith. Faith changes everything. Our belief in a better day, makes a better day. Our faith really does change the future. It changes how we live. And when we lack faith, we take away our accountability to "getting better" to "being better." At this point our values change. We hold other people accountable for our not getting better or not giving us the opportunities we think we deserve, and so on. Thereby taking away any real responsibility we might have to changing our undesirable situation.

So come with me on one last journey while I end this post. In David Archuleta's pop song "Something 'bout love" it talks about Love breaking your heart and setting you free. Instantly I thought of Will. His love has changed me. I am a better person. I would do anything for him. I find myself changing bad habits, not because he asks me to, but because I love him. I don't want to disappoint. His love sets me free in the sense that I am more accepting of myself. I do better, which leads to being better which leads to feeling better which leads to more love and more faith. I bring this example up because it is a physical pattern that teaches us about a very spiritual principle. I believe that it is our faith and love in our Savior which heals us all. Whether it be disappointments or physical aliments. As long as we demonstrate our faith we can be healed or glean strength to bear those heart aches that lie before us.

I'll start with the News...

2011-03-25T22:15:00.000-07:00

...and end with some thoughts. I know kind of a change/switch for me. Will did not hear back from residencies in the match this year so he decided to try for the scramble... also a no go. We are back to the drawing boards again. We have done a lot of drawing the past few years--- I'm sure we'll just have to draw residency into the picture next year :) On the news story front-- Will took a four hour test to get his limited scope radiology license, we will find out in a few weeks if he passed. I am assuming he did well, he seemed to know a lot of answers I would have never been able to answer and he finished in three and a half hours, instead of four. Also news, less significant, but news nonetheless. Will gave is last Toastmaster's speech and is moving on to full time studying regime with his dad, instead of using that time to prepare speeches. In February Will taught a lesson in his Elder's Quorum (church class) one week and the next he gave a talk to the ward (church congregation). He did really well on all three of his public appearances. His thinking/presentation abilities are really a lot quicker and more cohesive than they used be. His presentation abilities are progressing towards a "doctor" range-- you know lots of problem solving and evaluating in just a few moments than articulating a solution in a five minute doctors apt. News that does not pertain to Will's recover but you may be interested in--- Ben's six month birthday is today!!! We had a big party and ate all of his pie without him ;) His developmental milestones include sitting up and babbling. Mostly "Ba, Ba" with a couple of "Ma, Ma's and Da, Da's" mixed in. My ankle is almost better -- I can do some exercise but was sad to find out, after a run the other day, I would not be able to do more intense exercise for awhile longer :(

OK way too much news. Now onto what I do best. Jabber! What I want to share was inspired by a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) support class I attended. Will was too busy studying for his Radiology License Exam, so I went alone. I was interested to see if I could glean some tips on "speeding up" his continued recovery. However, most of the topic matter was centered on organizing the piles of medical bills that come up in the early or chronic periods of recovery- ie, when you're visiting multiple doctors for rehab a week. We are slowly putting all our bills to rest. It was just a few months ago I took our insurance company off my "free favorite callers list" (the past two years I spoke with insurance agents a few hours a week). So even though I did not glean information about on how to speed things up for Will, I walked away with something much better...

At the TBI meeting their were individuals and their caregivers, with a variety of brain injuries. There was one other who had a stroke, and the others had been involved in some car, horse or falling accidents. Just like us, they had to deal with something very unexpected. Loss of career, loss of independence, and loss of ability. For the caregivers- it was loss of income, loss of "the husband they married" or loss of "the child the knew," etc... Loss is the key word. It seems to me that these types of injuries are more about loss than it they are about dealing with change. Can you imagine- being an aspiring doctor, lawyer, dentist, teacher, etc... one day and then your dream/career being gone the next. Now in place of those dreams you need someone to help you walk or remember to check your messages. More than confusion caused by the injury, I could see the individuals at the meeting felt angry, sad, and even panicked. My heart went out to them. Most of them were in situations far more difficult than Will and I.

As I left the meeting, however, in the place of sorrow, I felt a greater love. Where would we be without each other. I can't imagine Will getting near as far as he has without his parents and siblings. I can't imagine us getting near as far without my family and his family. I love them more than ever. And even though there are times when we are besides ourselves with grief and hurt one another, our faith and love brings us back. More than ever I believe that Will can be healed. Without family we are badly handicapped, and with them we can do anything. Just watch and see....

Summer

Some recent projects

2011-03-13T19:16:00.000-07:00

I think that Summer has written the last few times so I guess its my turn. It is, after all, my (Will's) recovery blog. Anyway, I think its a good medium to share thoughts and insights, and sometimes even a few pictures, to show what I (and We) are doing. With that I'm just going to briefly go over some of the most recent occurrences and, of course, show you some pictures.

First of all I would like everyone to know that we got done (well mostly done) with the upstairs painting. That included painting the kids playroom, the doors and the upstairs landing. Below is a picture of Ben and myself in our newly painted entry way. At that time we still had to do the doors and we still have to do some painting in the kids room, but the place does look a lot nicer.

Also, of course, we recently had Valentines day. Well recently is probably an exaggeration. I know, I know, I should have blogged about this sooner. It was a good day, though, and we celebrated with buying the complete set of the Chronicles of Narnia in hardcover (at a good deal of course). As you can probably see we are not reading them in the order they came in. The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe was placed second in this series and of course everyone knows that it is really the first book.

Some family members have decided to put in a storage shed. This will be great for us because we have lots of stuff that we could probably ship over there. Unfortunately, they have also bought a couple of four-wheelers which will undoubtedly take up most of the room. (I hope you know that I say "unfortunately" in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way. I'm sure they will be a lot of fun.) Anyway, I'm out supervising while a couple of my brother-in-laws prepared the spot where its going to be put. A couple other projects I've done were hung some blinds at my brother-in-laws new house and installed a new doorbell at my wife's parents.

As far as Summer and Benjamin go they are doing great. Summer now has her boot off, which she had because she broke her ankle, and is moving around fine. She recently went to the museum at Hill Air-force Base with my mother-in-law, two nieces, and Benjamin.

The breaking point...

2011-02-28T22:30:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking. Will's story is inspiring, and motivates, and makes you want to be better in the face of adversity, at least at first… Three years ago when he woke up for the first time after his stroke, or when he said "go fish" with clarity, or when he flew home to Utah and ran around the Bountiful track for the first time, or when he did a triathlon, or when he gave his first talk in church, and so on. But what about now? What about three years later? The struggle is still so real. He still hasn't secured a job -- and many times in the place of opportunities, some are gently closing their doors to him. It is times like these where I think, how much longer are we going to be called to go through this? It is so hard for Will-- doesn't he deserve more? He is such a great man.

Sometimes I am just angry. Sometimes I am sad. But I guess my take home message is it's not over. We need to endure, and continue to cope in appropriate ways. I know Will is one of many, or maybe he is just a symbol of all of us that are all called to pass through hard times that are not pleasant and that were not what we expected or "deserved." And sometimes we wonder if the hard times will ever end. With this in mind, Will's story is more inspiring than ever. It's easy to not give up when everyone is watching (the first year, or second) but what about when you're on your own. When many of the decision makers have turned from you. It is more inspiring to have faith where there is not a clear road ahead. Will continues to appropriately move through his trial. He lets himself feel the sorrow that comes with his loss, but he also continues to pull up his boot straps and go to work. I am more glad than ever to be married to such a wonderful man. What a blessing he is in my life.

As for the everyday details in our life-- Will is giving his last toastmaster's speech this week and he and his father are moving on to an intensive study regime to help prep him for the boards. Will's lab work is increasing in hours as the lead researcher at the lab is giving him more complex experiments to preform on the heart cells he is working with (I'm sure Will will give you more details on this as he is going to blog soon). He is also preparing to take a test, mid-March, to get a limited license for becoming a radiology technician. He continues to be a favorite at the clinic where he volunteers-- as he gained some popularity this week when coworkers there discovered an article I wrote. Originally, I believed it would be published in a small magazine-- somehow things took an unexpected turn and landed in the state's two largest newspapers-- talk about overwhelming ;). As for Benjamin Bunny and I, we are still learning how to live with one another. The only thing we know for sure is that we're hooked. I love the kid and he seems to be pretty attached himself. This motherhood thing is great! Watch for more details on our life in the next post-- Will is always better and giving details than I am... Meanwhile, keep believing things will get better and they usually do ;)

Hard times don't last forever

2011-02-11T13:31:00.000-08:00

I am going to take a minute to share some experiences I have been a part of, and hope the stories I will tell will not diminish the feelings of the persons more closely involved.

Two years ago Rolf, my boss from my reporter days, and his wife got the phone call every parent dreads. Their son had not shown up for work. He had not been seen for a week. He was a single 30-year-old (and a friend of mine). Though they searched for months for him, they never found him. Yesterday morning I got a phone call. It was the reporter who had taken my place more than five years ago when I left the Clipper, our local newspaper. I thought she wanted me to write something because they were in a pinch (occasionally I write for the Clipper or judge a spelling bee for them). Well as you have already assumed the phone call was not about writing. It was about Rolf. He had passed away that morning. He was around 60 years old. He had been dealing with a bad case of the flu when things went south. He died in the hospital of septic shock. It was also only about two weeks ago, Will and I witnessed a horrific accident. Both the passenger and driver were severely injured and all we, and the other first responders, could do is wait for the ambulance(and lifeflight) to take them away.

If you follow this blog you know that I have mentioned often my belief in God and his plan for us. I admit in moments like this I feel a little betrayed, and doubt His mercy. My heart aches for the families involved in these situations. Why would anyone be asked to go through this? Is God punishing them or teaching them a lesson? The answers for me have come as I read the scriptures and prayed to the Lord asking him why. Death is not the end of families. And the Lord does not punish us by taking them away from us for a time. And like those involved in the accident, we are left for a small moment but then the Lord enfolds us in the arms of his mercy. I am adding a link to a video clip on overcoming tragedy and another on the belief that families can be together forever.

In news related to Will and I and Baby, we are all in good health. Ben is grabbing his toes and eating rice cereal. I am trying to guess what each of his miniature squawks mean and why he doesn't sleep all the way through the night. Will is still volunteering day and sometimes night to keep up on his studies and get back what he lost. And in the evenings,when he is home, we are giving mom and dad's upstairs a new look. As a follow-up to the prior entry-- I have heard doctors talking about Giffords situation saying that she can heal for up to 18 months after the shooting. To this I say- "poppycock." She'll be healing for years ;) Will just passed his third year anniversary of the stroke (Feb. 1, 2008), and his recovery is still going strong!

Giffords

2011-01-21T10:56:00.000-08:00

In the last few weeks this name has become common in homes across America and the Globe. I don't know how many people are on the edge of their seats wondering what is going to happen with Representative Gabrielle Giffords, who was hit with a bullet to the head. Reading the articles day after day to hear about her recovery steps. One day she is able to open her eyes another she can hold herself up in a standing position. Today she is leaving the hospital to fly to a rehab center in Texas. I am sure your heart aches for her, as mine does, and that you pray for her and hope the best for her. I am also sure that you can see where I am going with this blog. Will is not too far off from what she has and will continue to experience. Life will go on for her associates and friends, but it will stop for her for a while. Life will also be strained for her family for awhile.

If I could have sometime with her family-- what would I say to them. Will it tear them apart, will it pull them closer together. Will there be an end to her recovery, will she be the same person she was when all is said and done. Will she ever heal from the emotional wounds from that fateful day. I don't know what I would say to them. I would hope that in the weeks and years ahead they will have faith in her recovery. I pray that they will see that there are some endings but many more beginnings. I hope it will not tear them apart. I hope it will help them to have greater love for one another, even when things don't work out exactly as planned-- not at first at least. My heart does ache for Gabrielle Giffords, but I don't think she'll wish away what happened- already she can see how her unintended sacrifice is bringing a community and nation together. Her pain and struggle will bring her and those around her to their knees more often. I would never wish such a difficult situation on a person, but I certainly would never wish it away.

As for Will's update he is a trooper lately. He is busy 100 percent of his waking day. Applying for jobs, and recently Physicians Assistants school, studying for a radiology test he needs to take to get a limited practice license, preparing speeches for his toastmaster class and of course continuing to study for the boards (which he has to take next year to meet the deadline). On top of these of course he continues to volunteer at the clinic, in a lab on U of U campus, and at the temple at least twice a month. As far as his recovery- I admit I wonder how much is actually happening-- is he really recalling more information every day and organizing more of his activities, etc… These answers are not always black and white-- but I do believe he is still recovering and I know he will do amazing things with his life. I think I've said it before, but I believe a lot of his recovery is about our faith and less about what will eventually come to be. If we give up than maybe his recovery will stop. There is not time to look back -- so Will and I do our best not to look behind us and to keep moving forward. And for those reading this blog, keep dropping to your knees to ask for miracles, because I know they will come, both in your lives and our own.

Some recent highlights

2011-01-09T19:04:00.000-08:00

So I haven’t written for a while and I guess there are a few things I should talk about. First of all, I guess you should know, my wife, Summer, broke her ankle the other day. Actually it was on our anniversary, the 30th of December. She was clearing the snow off the car and was almost done when she slipped on some ice. I actually found her a little later and brought her inside. At first we didn’t think it was broken, but as the day wore on it became more apparent to her that she needed to go to a doctor. When she did decide to go I was in Salt Lake so she had her Mom take her. Fortunately, she came back without a cast, but she does have a boot or brace for the next six weeks.

Now, as far as I’m concerned, the big thing that happened to me was that I had a residency interview in Ohio last month. I stayed with Dan Hecht, a friend of mine from when I was a med student. The interview was at Ohio State and I feel pretty good about it, unfortunately, I still have to get another interview, for years two through four, for me to actually have a place. Hopefully that will happen soon.

Concerning Benjamin, he is doing great. We are still waiting for him to roll over, but we expect that he will roll over soon. That’s the hope anyway. One thing he did do today was, while we were at church, he actually put his binky in his own mouth. Normally that’s something we have to do.

Back to Ohio

2010-11-30T17:11:00.000-08:00

Today Will is in Ohio. I am in Utah. Last year at this time we were both in Ohio at a trial rotation back at Riverside Methodist Hospital. This year Will was granted a residency interview at OSU.

Plenty has changed since last year's Ohio visit. First I'll mention Will's improved capacities and then move on to our family's changes. As for the "now and then" stroke recovery comparisons. I went with Will to Ohio last year because he had a difficult time keeping track of schedules, appointments and organizing his time. This year none of these deficits are issues. I do not worry that he will get lost in the airport or that he will not be able to locate his baggage or that he will be late to any of his interviews. I know he'll do fine. Last year Will's organization and processing speeds deficits tended to make Will seem less "with it." My husband's above average intelligence was masked because of his inability to retrieve information. This year however, he is different. And while he is not all the way "back" the brain connections are continuing to mend and I believe those who knew him will see a difference.

As for our situation, last year we returned from Ohio jobless and again with no guarantee that Will would ever be a doctor, but nonetheless with family as a first priority we decided to have a baby. We put our newly remodeled condo up for rent, moved into mom and dads basement apartment and set a strict budget (Will has a disability benefit). Now instead of a my working and planning trips and gatherings with our friends, I am waking up three times a night to feed Ben and I send my hubby off to volunteer for eight hours and then to class for another three. But as any happily married wife and new mother can attest-- I have never been happier. The proof is in the pictures, it's in this video. The truth is that while life and it's expenses and hardships have gotten harder -- it's also much, much better. I love Will more everyday and I couldn't ask for a better son.

Meanwhile, only time will tell if tomorrow's OSU interview evolves into a position for Will at their hospital, or if he'll be accepted back into any training program for MD's this year. But no matter the outcome we'll continue working towards our goals, because we both believe someday he will be able to return to the demands of being a doctor.

Summer

ps the pics are Ben, Will and I and Will's sibs at Temple Square.

My life

2010-11-14T20:43:00.000-08:00

Well, its sometimes hard to know what to blog about. I think my principle purpose is to talk about me and my progress back to getting a normal job and life. I guess thats why this is called my Recovery blog. On the other hand, I also like to talk about Benjamin, since he is my only son and he is so cute. I guess I'll just have to spend a little time talking about both.

First, my progression on the job front. Right now I'm spending three mornings a week at the Maliheh Free Clinic which is a clinic for the poor. I mostly translate there. I spend five afternoons a week at the CVRTI which is the Cardiovascular Research and Training Institute at the University of Utah. On Thursday and every other Tuesday night I have a radiology tech course which I'm taking at the DATC. On Monday and Wednesday mornings I apply for jobs. I guess I'm pretty busy. Hopefully something will come of it soon.

Now, as far as Benjamin is concerned, he is just such a cute little guy. He is now about seven weeks old and was ten pounds last time he was weighted. He's a pretty good boy, and mostly obedient. Well, okay, he really can't be disobedient yet. Anyway, he's cute. Last week we went up to Beus pond in Ogden and took him for a little stroll. We also dressed him up for Halloween.

Time is….

2010-10-28T16:50:00.000-07:00

…a whirlwind right now. I don't know if it's going too fast or slowing down. Being a new mom is out of this world. Between little sleep, recovering from the delivery and spending so much of my day caring for Benjamin- emotionally, physically, mentally I'm being pushed to really focus and learn to keep life and baby balanced.

Since this blog is not Summer's Blabbers Blog, I'll move on to the comparison - we are in the midst of "pushing" Will. On top of all the clinic work, lab work, and school work -- Will is still applying for residency, jobs, and studying for Step 3. This schedule is bringing added focus and organization into Will's recovery that he has not had prior. He is doing great. I continue to see recovery in Will week to week. He is remembering names and details more than he ever has. It's fun to see improvement after such a length of time.

However, despite all of this recovery/work/effort, Will is still unemployed. There are plenty of reasons why Will could hang up his gloves and quit trying at this point, it's been two and a half years and he has still not had a break in the career arena. He has been told that he is not going to get any better and that most of the stroke recovery happens in the first year. But as you can guess, we don't believe we are as far as we are going to get in terms of his recovery. We won't believe that he can't be a doctor. So we'll continue to write in this blog and time will continue to roll forward at whatever pace it needs to in order for Will to achieve what he is dreaming. So keep with us on our journey because we're getting to the good part, and in the meantime enjoy the photos of the cutest little guy (and bigger guy) you've ever seen.

Summer

ps I know it is Will's time to blog but he's awful busy and I didn't want too much time to pass without updating the blog.

Things are picking up

2010-09-29T13:09:00.000-07:00

Forgive me if this entry is shorter than usual (Actually, you'll probably be thanking me that it is shorter in contrast to the novels I usually write). But I have just a minute before our baby, Benjamin David, wakes up. As you've guessed Will and I are the proud parents of a little boy. He was born Saturday night, weighing 7 lbs 9 ounces. He is healthy and strong and everything a parent could dream of. Sweet and quiet, a disposition much more like his dad than like his mothers. What luck ;)

Well the purpose for this entry is to complain. O I mean give thanks. I don't know what the purpose of this entry is other than I am a full fledged mother-- tittering around the home trying to figure out how to take care of a tiny human being and Will is not around. He is swamped with work (unpaid but great for preparing him for a good career). Will works at a free clinic in the mornings, as a lab technician in the afternoons and at nights attends classes to get a limited practice license in preforming Xrays. In his free moments-- which are few and far between--- he is applying for jobs, residency and preparing for his upcoming class.

This crazy schedule is just what the doctor ordered for returning Will to his pre-stroke capabilities. Really I imagine he'll have a lot more capabilities once he has picked up a few more trades along the way to becoming a doctor. He is doing wonderful. He has changed his doctor emphasis from internal medicine to radiology (a much more family friendly practice). Hopefully we'll dig up some interviews from residencies around the country in the coming months. If not well try again next year. Thanks again for following our story!

Summer

Scofield

2010-09-12T19:26:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Summer and I went on a trip down to Scofield. Scofield, for those of you who don't know, is located about two hours south of Salt Lake. It's a nice little town on the edge of a lake. We, however, didn't actually go there. We went to a friends cabin which was actually quite a ways away and in the middle of no where. I guess it was still part of Scofield, but it was definitely out of the way.

We went there with our friend Matt and his wife and two other couples, one of which included Matt's sister. We went on Friday night. It was labor day weekend and so most of our group was going to stay until Monday, but we decided to go back home on Saturday night.

Anyway, are activities included riding ATVs, fishingand paintball shooting. Most of this happened on Saturday, after we had gotten a good nights rest. The ATVs were fun. I had never ridden on one before, but it certainly wasn't hard to figure out. I went out several times including once or twice with Summer. Unfortunately (or fortunately I guess) Summer, due to the pregnancy, felt better driving because she could stand up more easily when we were going over rough patches.

On Saturday afternoon we went out to the "lake" and fished. I put lake in quotation marks because it wasn't a lake. It was a pond, but lake sounds better when your telling your friends about it. Anyway, it was big enough to canoe on, and there was a thing in the middle that you could just sit and fish on. I cast in my line several times (it was legal because the pond was owned by Matt's father and so I didn't need a license) and reeled in several times, but caught only some sea weed. Apparently it was too early in the afternoon to really hope to catch anything. It was fun though, and a nice way to relax.

In the evening before dinner Matt invited the boys to go paint-balling so the four of us headed out while our wives cooked up some fixings. We drove to a wooded place and got ready. We divided into teams. Matt and I on one and the other two on the other. Then we went our separate ways and at the appropriate signal began approaching each other with the intent to shoot. We of course had on our camouflage and our protective helmets so that we couldn't actually hurt one another. Unfortunately one of the guns malfunctioned and wouldn't shoot, then another gun did the same thing. Turns out they wereout of compressed air which is necessary to propel the ammo. Mine wasn't one of those guns but I gladly gave it up so that one of the other guys could have a good gun. We then had a one-on-one competition and then went home to have some grilled chicken.

After dinner Summer and I took off for home. It was a nice trip and we were both glad that we went.

As far as pregnancy goes we are hoping that all will go well and counting down the weeks until Summer's due. Right now were at two and a half. I've also got a position at a lab at the U which I am starting soon. Its not payed right now, but it could be in the future. Finally this Thursday I will start taking a radiology class which will go until the end of the year.

Pneumonia

2010-08-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

I know it's not a fun word. Especially if the word is a description of your husband's health at the present moment. Two weeks ago Will came down with a cold that turned into lots of grumpiness. Will is a pretty even tempered guy so when he was supposedly over his cold but continued to be easily irritated I should have suspected something was up but instead -- wife (that's me) was not happy with him. Finally after a night of Will coughing, I swallowed my pride and thought maybe he should see a doctor. A few hours later I get the call- Will had cancelled his volunteering at the Maliheh Clinic and Temple for that day and told me he was coming home to sleep. After an Xray the doctor confirmed that Will had Pneumonia. I am eight months pregnant so I immediately called my doctor to see how concerned I should be for our baby's health. He thought since I did not already have it-- I would probably not get it. So luckily I did not have to ban myself to another place to stay for this past week.

I know that I have covered a wide range of healing that happens through the stroke process. Today I want to cover a different type of healing--- I will call it "continuous hope healing." Just when it feels like we're going to get a break --something happens. The nuero pysch test that we were sure would come back with flying colors of Will's progress (because this is what I have observed) still pointed towards some bumps in the road to Will becoming a doctor. At this point I could go into justification for why the test was wrong and why Will is farther ahead than stated in the test, or even that in the last two and a half years he has yet to be given a real life opportunity (a job or schooling) that could bring him "all the way" back up to speed so of course he can't be "all the way" better. But instead of hopping on that soap box I want to say- It's hard. It is hard to keep up hope, we are running up against so many walls. In a perfect world someone would have championed Will's cause and given him every possible opportunity to succeed instead of fail-- allowing him to make the necessary mistakes to regain all of his pre-stroke capacities. This is the brain here. It is very elastic and very capable of the healing - but without opportunities to grow progress is slower!

Through tears I can't tell you how many times I have thought "This is not fair!" Will deserves so much more. He is capable of so much. So if dealing with Will's stroke rehabilitation and pneumonia wasn't enough-- I have been presented with my own challenges, personal attacks, financial stresses, and a feeling of total inadequacy that in less than six weeks -- broken hearted and afraid-- I am going to bring a child into this world. I know my story is one of millions. O the heartbreak so many have felt. The fear and the despair. But this can't be the end all be all. I don't think we are here on this earth to suffer and then suffer more. I know we are not. For out of our greatest trials come our greatest blessings-- my marriage to Will was only possible because he had a stroke. Another trial has been sacrificing my job, my condo (which is rented out currently), and other things worldly comforts to have and raise this child at home-- I don't think I will ever regret these trials (experiences). If I can get to any point in this blog entry it would be that Gratitude is the source of "continuous hope healing" if we lose hope, we lose everything. I am learning to be grateful for what we do have and not look back at what we have lost.

If you've made it to the end of this blog entry AKA novel -- you've accomplished much. As usual we are grateful for your support and thank you for your continued prayers and readership. May you find much to be grateful for today-- that is my prayer :)

Sincerely,

Summer

ps I've posted a picture of my wonderful hubby and I and another picture of my big ole belly that I am carrying around lately ;) Wilson's health is great! We are down to six weeks and I am starting to see the doctor every week.

pps I wanted to plug my new blog www.SummerImage.com and website (I'm a stay at home photographer and writer) and also my sister-in-law's wonderful blog on raising children and exercise.

ppps Sorry I am terrible at every day details-- Will is looking for jobs, applying for residency and recently signed up for a class on Radiology Technology -- to get a limited liscense certificate to be able to do Xrays come December.

Caring for kids

2010-08-07T16:59:00.000-07:00

This past week Dale, Summer's oldest brother, went on a trip with his wife to Austria. He went there to play with the symphony he is part of. He left four children behind and strict instructions to take care of them while he was absent. His children include Jessica, who is the eldest, followed by Shalice, then Braden, the only boy, and last of all Rachel who is still quite little and hasn't learned how to talk yet. We had the privilege of taking the first watch with the children.

This began Sunday afternoon. I remember I was kind of tired and so, after I had taken Dale and Amy to the airport I went to sleep for a while. Well I wanted to. I couldn't though, and that was probably fine.

On Monday one of the cool things we did was that Braden and I went on a bike ride to Braden's elementary school. It actually wasn't too far away, nor was it a very difficult ride, but it was nice to see that he knew how to get there, and that he knew how to ride his bike. In the evening we had a nice FHE where we talked about some of the stuff in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet provided to us by Jessica.

On Tuesday I was gone at the Maliheh clinic for most of the day. Fortunately nothing drastic happened while I was away. In the evening we played Skip-bo among other things.

On Wednesday we packed up the kids and drove them up to Grandma's and Grandpa's. Summer and I then made a quick trip over to the hospital for a checkup on Wilson (who is doing very well). When we got back we found that Grandma and Grandpa had stolen the kids, but fortunately they were returned safe and sound later that day.

Now on another note. I'm doing well. I'm working towards residency, and much of the other time these days is spent pursing an interim career of some sort for me. I'm looking for a job that involves my medical training, hopefully I will be able to find something like that soon.

Another thing that I have done recently was put in a new microwave above our stove including adding a new outlet in the cupboards above. I also got those bathroom cabinets in. I think we talked about them a few weeks ago when I mentioned the leak I created, but I don't know if I have included a picture.

Testing & Trials

2010-07-16T11:51:00.001-07:00

I am going to open the door "just a little" into our lives for a minute, as I might with a close friend. I hope by doing this it might let you know our gratitude for your support. Will received his third installment of nueropsych results. We have tested him every year about this time. The test outlines different cognitive abilities and deficits. Specifically dealing with memory, appearance, processing speed and so on. Because Will has moved past so many deficits, the test was only a couple hours. (Last year it was a day and the year before it was two days). It is critical, however, for us to be able to "erase" all the deficits, to be able to move on to be a doctor-- for in this career field it is life or death, no room for error. Because we are admits the making of many decisions and have many decision makers making decisions I have to keep our cards close. But generally speaking, you can already guess from the title of this blog that recovery is still happening, so all is not erased.

Will is coping with the reality that after two and a half years he has yet to regain his dream of becoming a doctor (and still having to deal with the medical school debt as if he were a doctor). When Will and I first decided to marry, that decision came under intense scrutiny-- whether my intentions were real, or Will's stroke was too great a burden to share, or whether he understood the marriage commitment at that point in his recovery… whatever it was - we were under fire. During that time of trial, the year following his stroke, things changed. We had dated on and off for years, but it was when I saw him face this Goliath, of losing so much and still turning to the Lord - I knew I could trust this guy with my life. I share this experience with you to let you know, my love for Will has grown this week. He is facing this time, like a true champion. He has continued to turn to the Lord and make right decisions. What more could I ask for in a husband. I am so grateful for him.

Meanwhile, we are both learning more than I thought physically/spiritually possible. Lessons like, what really matters in this life, why is there so much suffering, how long are we called to bear great burdens, and so on. Not that we know the answers to these questions, rather we know that there are answers and the answer has everything to do with our Lord's great love for his children. Somehow the Lord's power and love can find a home into the hearts of those who mourn, and those who suffer. That love is what matters in this life, if everything were taken away from us- and that love was all that remained, than that would be enough. Luckily, however, we have been given so much more...

Below is a picture of one of my best friends and I. I am due at the end of September, Boni is due at the end of October. This is a fun pic because for Boni, after five years of trying to have children doctors told her she would never have children of her own-- well one adoption and two pregnancies later-- she is one happy mother. Meanwhile, I was single and wanted a family too. We both got our greatest desires.

This is a pic of Will celebrating the 4th of July with my nephews by sitting in a helicopter.

Will preforming the Hungarian Dance by Brahms at my 93-year-old grandpa's Fathers Day celebration.

This is our crib we've set up two and a half months early. We are soooo excited to be parents! I have to keep telling Will it's too early to put the car seat in ;)

And of course a picture of Will and I on one of our many adventures.

Vacation with Summer

2010-07-06T15:09:00.000-07:00

I've been kind of remiss in writing these days. I say that because I don't want you to think that nothing has been going on in my life. Only that I haven't, I guess, spent the time to write it down. A lot is going on, especially now that it is time, once again, to start getting residency applications done. Anyway, I am doing stuff. I'm just not always writing it down.

I think in the last posting something was mentioned about me telling about the Clarke family vacation that we took in Bear Lake last month. It's the Clarke family vacation because as you may or may not know I married a Clarke. Of course all this is off the topic. The point being is that we went to Bear Lake, and Park City and had a wonderful time.

Summer's sister Cami married a guy whose family owns a cabin up at Bear Lake. Its a pretty nice cabin close to the water with a fun backyard that includes a tower and a fire pit. Up there one of the fun things we did was have competition somewhat like the olympics which the kids participated in and we, the adults, cheered. We also had fun in the water including playing Ultimate Frisbee although that was pretty short lived.

On our last day in the Bear Lake area we went to a cave. It was pretty neat to see the stalactites and -mites. It was also nice because we didn't have to hike to it. The entrance was only a hundred or so feet from the parking l0t.

The second part of our vacation was spent in Park City. There we had a nice dinner at a local restaurant. We also got to swim in the pool that was at the place we stayed. And we played a rousing game of croquet in the grass below the patio.

All in all, it was a good time. I hope you all get to go on fun vacations as well this summer.

Springing a Leak

2010-06-13T22:02:00.000-07:00

I was settling down for one of my most coveted hours of the day yesterday (the one where I turn my space heater on and study whatever I want to, in this case it was the lesson I had to teach in church today). Meanwhile, Will had put himself busily to work installing metal cabinets in our bathroom. We had marked the studs where the stud finder indicated that the wood would be- and all he had left to do was drill the holes. Clearly I was not needed so I started into my studies. After two minutes, my generally very calm husband was screaming-- Summer, Summer, Summer! At the same time I heard water pounding against a hard surface. I rushed into our bathroom to see water spraying out of a hole in the wall. My hubby had hit a main water line. This may have been fine and dandy had my father been home to tell us how to shut off the water. No such luck.

Will ran upstairs to find help and I spent a few helpless moments envisioning the water damage - walls having to be torn down and cabinets having to be removed. So I quickly grabbed our cooler, we had used for our vacation this past week, and started the tedious process of filling it up with water and dumping it in the bath. Meanwhile, Will had called my dad and was trying to pry open the metal door to the home's water supply. -- About five minutes had passed by the time Will came back to help with the cooler- I was soaked the floor was soaked and the situation was only worsening. The wall was starting to bubble and the hole was getting bigger. Finally, we pryed the metal door off of it's hinges and Will turned the water off- which left a trickling flow of remaining water (see the picture below). The actual fix was not as difficult has I had originally envisioned. Within 30 minutes my dad was back with a clamp for the pipe and the problem was fixed (Dad said in the "old days" that repair would have been much more difficult to fix, but because Will is not the first to drill into a water pipe unknowingly- plumbing stores have since "smartened" up their technology and the repair went quick).

The whole situation was so crazy/amusing I couldn't help but blog right away about our miniature catastrophe ;) Stay tuned for Will's report on our vacation to Bear Lake and Park City. It was very fun! O one last news moment - in the midst of the whole week of recreation "Will'son" decided to start his first detectable kicks and summer saults in my stomach! Yahoooooo! Things are going well with our baby. He is somewhere between 1.5 to 2 pounds and 13 inches in length. We can now speak and he hears and he can detect light... Our baby is growing and we are sooo excited!

Until next time, this is Summer signing off…

Wind Surfing

2010-05-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

Last night Summer and I went to a fireside, or church meeting, given by Nolan Porter. Porter was training to be an air force pilot when he was struck by lightning while windsurfing in Florida. He was with his two brothers when the accident happened, but was actually rescued by members of the Blue Angels flight crew who were on the beach having a barbecue at the time. He and his brothers where trying to get back to shore because of the storm when the lightning struck. He stopped breathing and his brothers went out of their boat to rescue him. For some reason, however, they weren't able to get to him. Members of the Blue Angels heard the commotion and got in their boat to help out. When they got there one of them dived in to rescue him. He unfastened him from the surfboard, but then lost him and he began to sink. He swam down to try to find him but couldn't. On the way up, however, he felt his foot and was able to get grab him and get him back to the ship. On the ship they started CPR and got him back to land. They continued CPR for a long time, but were about to give up. His brother, however, wouldn't let them. He then made it to the hospital. In the hospital his heart stopped eight times over several weeks. They were going to unplug him from life support, but again he survived. He eventually made it back home to Utah. He was initially paralyzed from the neck down, but over time he was able to regain ability to use his muscles and now can walk again. He has also been blessed with two kids and has gotten a masters degree since the accident.

It was a pretty neat fireside. And its nice to know that I'm not the only one in my situation. Hopefully all continues to go well and I get back everything I used to have. If all goes as planned I will do some rotations at the U med school in the next few months. Hopefully that will allow me to prove that I can go back and finish residency.

As a side note, and knowing that pictures are liked, I've included some photos that we took while getting rid of a household pest.

Decisions

2010-05-18T20:57:00.000-07:00

Will and I are coming up on another year of preparing applications and getting the go ahead to apply for residency. I wish that I could say that this decision and movement in this direction is cut and dry. We've learned from past experience that it is not. We have been looking for the one thing that will prove Will is ready to go back. But the truth is-- we still need help. We need to be able to "mentor" him back-- with education and "on the job training." Those of you who have been following the blog for the past two years, know that we have run up against a lot of walls- dead ends. The most difficult wall was our not being able to reengage in Ohio. This blow knocked us down and took us out for awhile.

I am learning to look at Will's recovery differently. From the eyes of "what are we supposed to learn" and "how can we make the right decisions at the right time."As far as what we are to learn: In a perfect world Will would have never had a stroke. In a perfect world we wouldn't have to face hard decisions and at times what seems like unsurmontable trials. Or is the truth that this is the only way to perfection. What is really being tested and decided at this point is our characters. Not whether or not Will is going to be a doctor. The reality is that time will tell and we have very little power over how fast Will recovers. However, the great and unforgettable blessing in this time of trial continues to be that I have Will, and he has me (and we have Wilson on the way).

As for "how can we make the right decisions at the right time" well if you could picture shrinking to the size of a human cell and flying through Will's ear and connecting to his Hypothalamus through one of his major blood vessels-- and then watching the nuerons paste themselves back together and re-direct around the damaged areas-- then you can guess that not even the most studied doctor can tell you when the "exact moment" Will will be able to return to practice medicine. The only way I know to find the answers to these questions (and the answer to the biggest question of all -- "will he even return to practicing medicine") is prayer. I have felt the answers to some of these difficult questions. The Lord-- does know what is going on in my husbands mind. He knows the beginning from the end. I know he will direct us one question at a time, as he has in the past.

As for the answers I have found and know for certain, Will's brain is still healing. It is exciting to see Will do things that he has never done before. For example he has been sitting in front of a computer screen for the past two hours typing a talk he will give tomorrow at toastmasters. He has typed more than a page already. (Jump back a year ago he was barely able to type a few paragraphs without getting frustrated with the mechanics of the keyboard and the computer programs-- these are no longer an issue). Will has also stepped off a few critical plateaus in the past few months-- having to do with fatigue and inattention-- he is much more attentive than he has ever been. His memory also continues to show improvement. I believe that Will is going to be able to preform at very high levels in the future. That our tears will be turned into diamonds. Keep watching and praying! For both Will and I and in your own lives, the answers will come.

Sincerely,

Summer

ps As you've probably guessed our son's current nickname is Wilson-- "Will's Son." We got our first little baby boy outfit this week and everytime I walk past it I have to touch it and imagine our little boy in it. We are soooo excited to be parents.

pps The pics are Will watching one, of many, programs my nieces put on for us at family gatherings. The other is us at Liberty Park-- alright I admit it -- a park instead of a climb or hike is what I am up to now-a-days. So sue me ;)

Ultimate Frisbee

2010-05-11T19:22:00.000-07:00

For the past while I have enjoyed playing a sport called Ultimate Frisbee. Unfortunately I don't know the details of the sport. You know, stuff like where it started, or who invented it. But I do enjoy playing it. It's really simple, all you do is throw the frisbee from one team member to the next until you get across the goal. If you drop the frisbee, or it hits the ground, the other team gets it. You can't run with the frisbee, however, you have to pass it. I think I started playing when I was in high school so I've known about it for a while.

Since this is my recovery blog I suppose I should relate the topic to my recovery. Frisbee has nothing to do with my life in Ohio, or my stroke, but I am thankful that I can still play. I was really lucky. I could be dead, or paralyzed on one side of my body, but I'm not. I can still function, and do any physical thing I did before. Meanwhile, I imagine I still have a few more mountains to climb, but I know I have the ability to keep going.

PS For those of you wondering about our baby, and specifically what it is, here is a video for you . . .

If you cannot see the video-- check it out at the following link Blueberry

Perception

2010-04-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

I'll start this blog on a soap box and end up on Will's recovery (With a couple of blueberry comments mixed in of course). My soap box. This morning I was listening to a talk on William Tyndale. He was a scholar and protestant who lived in the 1500's, who despite death threats from the catholic church, went into hiding to translate and publish the bible into english so it could be available to the common people. While this is an act of heroism, in his day it was a perceived to be an act of "throwing pearls before swine." He was thrown in jail for a year and a half and then hung and burned at the stake.

Truth is something worth fighting for even if those around us don't always see it. In Ohio, and here in Utah, Will has received some ugly, and not true, marks. He has been perceived to some doctors as not caring and uninterested in becoming a doctor. However, in an interview Will had this week he was deemed overqualified for a lab position that could give him more experience and lead to continuing his career as a doctor. Perception right now is killing us. Many reading the blog may have the impression that I am the driving force (seeing as I am the vocal one ;) Well the truth is I have asked and almost begged him to let this go. To move onto a different career. It's too hard to get back in. His deficits too great. Will knows and I'm guessing the followers of this blog know that whether I am married to a janitor or a doctor it doesn't matter. All I want is to be with Will and for him to be happy. But Will refuses to let go. His love for medicine and to work in the field of medicine has only grown since the stroke. He also once said to me "What kind of example would I be to our children if I gave up, we want them to learn the value of hard work…"

So the next question is -- why such a discrepancy in perception. Well I am going to hit you all really hard on the head with a cast iron -- I mean really hard ;) And then ask you a lot of questions and expect high performance and clear answers. Meanwhile, don't close your eyes while I am talking to you, and whatever you do Don't try to sleep off the jolt. That is not acceptable in the "real world" we have to be vigilant and anxious at all times or we're not successful. I know I am being dramatic. But I hope the drama has created the effect I was looking for. Will is and continues to work himself out of a daze. Instead of a cast iron, Will's brain was deprived of oxygen for more than 13 hours. The fact that he is alive is a miracle in itself. Him taking more than a couple of years to recover is exactly what I expect, with so traumatic of injury. So will he ever fully recover is the real question we're asking? The good news is we still don't have to rename this blog. Will seems to come out of his daze more and more every day/week. It is harder to see the change. Much like at first as a child they seem to change weekly but by their late teens it is hard to identify physical changes as readily. Will's recovery gets more difficult to describe, but I can guarantee the doctors in Ohio who saw him a half a year ago would see notable changes. He is just more with it now. His logic and ability to describe situations is more dynamic. Will is recovering. He is not 75 and at the end of life. He's 32 and just beginning. His brain has great capacities to heal-- just watch the blog you'll see great things happen :)

So the blueberry comments I promised-- I've posted a picture of my ever growing belly. Meanwhile, Will's smile is also ever growing with the approach of the birth of his first child. We will find out May 11th if we are having a girl or boy. My guess is it is a girl and Will's guess is that it is a healthy baby. So I hope Will is right and I imagine I've got a fifty percent chance of being right. We're soooo excited to be parents, despite financial hardships I can't imagine not having this child come into our lives at this time!

Sincerely,

Summer

Biking in Colorado

2010-04-18T20:36:00.000-07:00

So last weekend Summer and I went with her sisters and there husbands and families on a bike riding trip to Colorado. The trip started out with almost being canceled. Derik, Summer's brother in law, who was pretty much planning the trip called us up at 11:00 the night before we were supposed to leave to tell us that he couldn't go because he had to much work to do. Well, that of course was not acceptable so we worked on it a little bit and it ended up that he could go. We just had to leave a little later than we had originally planned. In other words we got to our campsite at about 1:00 in the morning. Anyway we all slept well that night and the next day after a delicious breakfast prepared by Summer we were ready to hit the trails. Well almost. I, unfortunately, had the misfortune of having a flat tire and so while the rest of the group went for a ride Summer and I went into town to find a bike shop. We did and were able to get my bike in working order in time for the afternoon ride. The afternoon ride was great, the first half was uphill and then it was downhill with some great scenery. Unfortunately, just before we reached the downhill part of it, Tyler, my other brother-in-law, got a flat tire. It was kind of more than a flat tire, a small explosion maybe. Anyway, Summer was nice enough to offer to let him take her bike and walk back with his. Part of her willingness may have something to do with the little blueberry (baby) inside of her. So with that we finished riding the trail and then found Summer at the end of it. After that we went back to camp and had a delicious dinner and played some games before retiring. The next day Summer and I went with Tyler and Cami around the lake and then we took off for a picnic and relaxing ride home.

The first four pictures are from the trip. The last two, however, are from a recent hike Summer and I took up Waterfall canyon in Ogden.

Announcement

2010-03-29T19:35:00.001-07:00

So we've just entered a whole new realm of recovery. It's called Will takes over all the tasks and meals of the day while I try to keep from loosing my second lunch. As you've guessed, Will is going to be a father! I've moved through a hundred different phases since we learned the news January 17th. I vacillate between "Yippee" and "Holy cow-- I'm gonna be a mom." The next paragraph is Will's blurp on the baby news- On my side I have to tell you I am thrilled. Becoming a mother has always been a life time dream of mine and I keep pinching myself just to make sure it is real. I thank heaven everyday that Will is the one who will bring balance to the force-- I always worried that my children would never know how to sit still and be calm. I now have a little hope for my offspring. I'll finish the blog with the specifics to the baby timeline, but for now know that this baby is a new and very strong motivating factor in Will's life. He is really on fire lately with his efforts to return to "normalcy" he is up on his own every morning, studying and preparing and exercising for the day. He is applying for jobs part of the week and volunteering the other half the week. OK-- so I'm giving the keyboard over to Will now...

Well, that was quite the introduction. I do have to say though that I am very excited and hope to be a good father. I'm sure it will take a little bit of learning (probably a whole lot), but I hope that not to many mistakes are made along the way. Anyway, we are through the first trimester and Summer is having a little bit of an easier time now. We hope that continues. We have a biking trip to Colorado planned for next week and hope that turns out well.

OK it is Summer again-- so the baby details--- We got our first ultra sound (below) at 8 1/2 weeks. The baby's head was the same size as the body and in all the baby was three quarters of an inch long. Our next appointment was a week and a half ago. We were about 13 weeks along and we heard the heartbeat. The baby has fingers, toes, lungs, eyes, lips, and all the other parts that baby's have at 13 weeks. Currently the baby is about an inch and a half long, and the size of a small orange. We are due Sept. 28, 2010 and will find out in the next month and a half whether it is a boy or girl. I will attempt not to turn this into a "baby blog" but will probably mention our little blueberry often in the posts. Because of the latest news our focus is on getting Will a job with benefits. I am not working-- but I have been writing for newspapers and doing a bunch of contract work at home. I have to say-- getting a guy with a doctorate's degree a more entry level job is practically impossible-- darn doctorate degree getting in the way ;) He is still studying for the Boards and hopes to take them this summer and reapply for residency this fall -- keep your fingers crossed and your prayers going!

Summer & Will

ps The last picture is of Will building a garden box with my dad. Since living here we couldn't help but hop on the garden train. This year we have planted potatoes and want to plant carrots and squash when the weather warms.

Ice Castles

2010-03-06T18:53:00.000-08:00

I just finished watching a movie, "Ice Castles," about a skater who makes it to nationals than is injured and goes blind. In an instant everything is taken away from her. Now a little background on me. I don't cry during movies, but I fought back tears the entire show. In the movie the girl skates at nationals and no one finds out she is blind until after. It is not a true story and it was not something that really happened. But the tears still stung as I watched. I could only think of Will. How much he had. How much sacrifice he had made to get to where he was. President Bill Clinton was at his Graduation to congratulate him and his fellow Graduates on their hard work and accomplishment. I can tell you in Will's recovery- the pain of wanting to be back to where he was-- of him wanting to be a doctor does not dull. Will wants to practice medicine. He was born to serve and watch over people. I have always known this. It is one of the traits about him that I fell in love with instantly. He is compassionate and would never dream of hurting someone. What a true doctor should be. Why so much has been taken away from him - still causes tears to fall. So as this is his recovery blog I will let you in on the secret... that it is still hard. But watching Will weep over his misgivings and then stand to fight another day makes be believe it is not over yet.

Unlike the movie, Will and I are doing the real life thing. The how do we get him back where he can perform. What do we do with the entirely overwhelming medical school debt, my mortgage and our wanting a family. This is reality. I have decided the real heros aren't just the ones who rise after they fall, but it is the ones who rise after they fall again and again. Watching Will rise makes me fall in love with him all over again each day. I am truly the luckiest girl in the world. Such character is really the end all be all. The secret and meaning to everything we do here on earth. I return to invite you to not buckle, to be valiant in your values. No matter what the world throws at you-- don't throw it back. Give em back something better.

As for what we've been up to, Will has and continues to make some real strides. He has his "part time" job at Lingustica. He is at the Maliheh Free Clinic volunteering almost everyday. He continues to attend morning rounds. He is studying more than ever. And he continues his church service, two weeks ago he taught a lesson in Elders Quorum. It took him half the time it usually does to prepare and he delivered it beautifully to the class. This week he is giving a "speech" to his fellow toastmasters in his toastmasters class. As a side note Will's father attends this class with him every week and the two are working to improve their presentation skills. It is great to have Will's dad helping out in this area. As for the minor stuff you might not want to do summersaults over but I do- are his waking up without my prompting at 5:30 am to get to morning report on time. And his ability to recall what he learns there. OK, I am sure this entry is long enough. Thanks for taking the time to read our blog. Keep praying and keep watching.

Summer Blackhurst

ps I don't have a lot of pictures for you this week. The one I've posted is typical Will, paying attention to our nieces and nephews-- he sure is a big deal to them :)

Linguistica

2010-02-21T20:30:00.000-08:00

Well I thought I would fill you in a little today on my work situation. As you can probably guess its not very helpful in an interview to say that you recently had a stroke. But I am progressing to the point where it matters less. Its just more important to focus on the positives.

The stroke has to be mentioned, but not a lot of time has to be spent on it. Well anyway, I am currently doing some part-time work for a company called Linguistica International. I'm one of their translators and as such I am occasionally called by them to go translate for a patient at a hospital or clinic. Well I should say I have translated once. It was pretty okay, but I wish I new Spanish a little better. Anyway, I've only just begun and hopefully I will get more work later. I also interviewed for the same type of job at Primary Children's, but I won't hear from them for several weeks.

Besides that I've kept pretty busy with the continuing home improvement projects. One of the things I've done was clean the top of the oven. The layers of cooked food were pretty intense to remove, but three hours into the project it was clean.

Stroke Anniversary, Valentines Day

2010-02-07T20:15:00.000-08:00

Today I'm going to blog about two appropriate topics for this time of the year. The first is applicable to Will and I and immediate family and friends, the second to the masses. Will's stroke. This past week we hit our "two year anniversary" of the stroke. Will has mentioned to me that it isn't something he thinks we should celebrate but February 1st is a day we should remember. For me the jury is still out on whether or not we "celebrate" that day. It was the day that Will was almost lost. That I almost had to miss out on having him as a life-long companion. The realities of that day have echoed through our everyday life for the past two years- and I imagine they will for much longer. The pain and heartache of that day, however, have begun to fade. And our love and gratitude only grows brighter. Admittedly the "heartache" or in other words deficits left behind from Will's stroke still have us in a holding pattern, but the reality is that there is much more to life than just Will's profession and this makes the hardships easier to bear.

To keep with tradition in sharing Will's progress, I will tell you of an experience we had last year. One that illustrates "more emotional healing" rather than the later (physical healing). About a year ago Will went to bed and had a feeling/thought that it would be his last night on earth. That he would not wake in the morning. Even though I scold him for not having told me til morning of his aboding vision, I guess I am grateful -- for I don't think I would have slept a wink. I can't tell you how hard it was to feel as if Will was ticking bomb, and that any moment could be his last... the fear at times was paralyzing. The emotional healing has been that instead of fear we feel a hope and faith that was not there before. A surety that the relationship we've formed will last forever. That good things have and will come to us, no matter our difficulties. We stand united in a hope that Will is going to practice medicine, that his aliments will only be "for a moment" and that we will rise again to live the life we have both dreamed of. But if not-- we still have more than we ever would have had, if he not had not had the stroke.

OK-- so as to keep the second portion of this blog shorter-- I will refer you to a clip below, taken from our wedding video and I will give you the topic. Valentines Day. Will is the love of my life. One thing I didn't expect, in my cynical perception of matrimony, is that "marriage gets better." I have never been so excited as I am now to have him as my eternal companion. I hope you plan something special for the love of your life this year. Make sure you tell them how much they mean to you!

Car replacement

2010-01-31T20:05:00.000-08:00

So today I want to talk about cars! I say that because as you probably know I had to replace my old car recently. Just to remind you why I had to do this I will just briefly tell you what happened to the old standby. We were driving back to Utah from our trip to the East when, in Gary, Indiana, my car decided to blow a piston or something like that. Anyway, we took it to the shop and were told that it could be fixed for a lot of money, but that it would probable break down again soon. So we decided to cut our losses and just rent a car to get back to Utah.

Now its two months later and we've decided that it has been long enough with just Summer's old standby. So we went car shopping. Thankfully I married Summer and she was able to do some sleuthing on the internet. She found a great car with only 35k miles on it. We took it for a spin and checked it out on Carfax.com. It check out so we bought the thing and now its sitting in our driveway. I think its a pretty neat little car.

Also, just as a side note, we recently went up to Logan and did a double date with Summer's sister and her husband. Part of the activity was bowling so I've posted a few pictures of the event.

Back to the News

2010-01-18T20:41:00.000-08:00

So I think we've deviated from the blog subject a little the last few post. The subject being my hubby and his recovery. I assure you the deviation was not intended. My man is making amazing steps in recovery. For anyone out there who has dealt with a "long-term disability" I imagine your smile grows deeper at every little change and improvement. So right now, I have lots of reason to smile. Will's ability to retrieve large amounts of knowledge at the blink of an eye is returning. I am not longer the smarty pants out of the two of us. He can retrieve information from the precincts of his mind that I couldn't retrieve even if I learned it 100 times!

I have been so focused on other things returning I forgot that the memory piece needs to be just as pristine as the rest of his abilities-- watch out Ken Jennings ;) (ps why is it that all the smart people come from Utah.... just kidding out of state folks :).

So Will has blogged briefly about things that should be shouted on the roof tops. His volunteer work at a free clinic, his joining a toastmaster's club, his church talk, the lesson he gave in a sunday school class, his attendance at two to three morning reports a week, his new goal to take step 3 in a number of months and his chart to study a 100 hours so we can reward ourselves with a trip or something neat like that. The list goes on (actually I am keeping one cat in the bag because we don't know how it will turn out-- so keep your eye out for more developments-- i hope i hope).

I will add a couple of details to the afore mentioned activities. The clinic: many volunteers are behind the desks and counters organizing and doing paper work...my husband does that but he also gets pulled from that position several times throughout the day to translate for the doctors-- better than shadowing participating.... so cool! Will's sunday school lesson: teaching is much different than presenting. He prepared his lesson and discussion points and was able to lead the class in a discussion about the topic. I hear he did great (I couldn't go cause it was Elders Quorum-- the third of three meetings in our church -- the last meeting is the one where the guys separate from the girls). His talk: Well I have to say I was the first to talk and he was the second. I stuttered through my discourse and forgot to end with the answer to the question I presented at the first. My hubby and I then performed a musical number (him on the piano me on the violin) then he got up and took no time at all to let the congregation know my little missed detail (the entire conclusion to my talk ;). He often catches me when I fall and I am soo grateful for that. His 100 hour chart: Ok I admit it was my idea. But heck any reason to go on a vacation is a great reason for me ;)

To end I tell you Will is getting there. He isn't all the way back but he is still recovering. He is still going. And in the meantime we are having the time of our lives

Keep watching and praying,

Summer

ps The above photos are my little niece playing in our apartment-- we have a toy box and treats to persuade our nieces and nephews to come down whenever they visit the parents. The other pictures are of Will Skiing and me snowboarding. On this particular ski day we taught two nieces and my sister(for her birthday) to ski. My two brother-in-laws also came--It was a great!

pps Below is more of Will's photography genius-- two of our cute nieces and my sister and her husband.

New Year

2010-01-10T20:37:00.000-08:00

Well, its the new year and a time for new beginnings. This year one of my new beginnings is being a member of toastmasters which is a club designed to help its members with public speaking. I've already given a talk in church and I think being a member of the club will help me give better ones in the future.

Another new beginning is living in our downstairs apartment. We've done a lot of remodeling of it and I think it looks pretty nice. If I do say so myself. In any event I'm sure I will have lots of similar projects throughout the coming year.

Also, with the new year, comes Summer and my anniversary. I love Summer and hope to make this year the best one I've spent with her yet. That isn't to say that next year won't even be better, but I think you get the picture.

In any event, its now a new year and I hope that it is good for all of us. We each have our personal struggles, and at times the future looks bleak, but I think those are just short moments and if we endure them well I believe we will be blessed.

The Spirit of Christmas

2009-12-29T10:41:00.000-08:00

I have to admit, I had a rough Christmas season this year. I was busy deflecting colds, we were working out family issues, looking for jobs, hoping to reinvent our future (not in residency this next year), finding renters, fixing up our parent's basement, and the list goes on. The whole part where the Savior is born in a lowly manger with no crib for his bed, I missed that. It is so easy to miss the most important things in life. There are so many distractions, so many people to blame, so many problems to complain about. I guess the real "secret" to life, that is not really a secret at all, is that it is meant to be hard-- the Savior was not born into a life of glory and comfort. He was born in a manager. But that birth made all the difference, that birth made it so "hard" wouldn't be "too hard" and that once the "hard" was over, we would have our families (and the other relationships that lifted us through the difficult times) forever. Christ was born so that we might live. So on my Christmas list for next year is to stop fretting and instead lift someone who has been forgotten in the Christmas haste. Wish me luck ;)

Above I've posted pictures of some of our "non-stressful" Christmas moments (cause those are really the only moments that last anyways). You'll see my brother-in-law on a chair directing the very wiggly grandchildren in a Christmas Nativity. Will also took the picture of my dad with one of the grandkids at our yearly walk through the Ogden lights on Christmas Eve. There is also a picture of me making fun of my sister's "skinny pants." I love them but I feel like I am back in Jr. High! And last but not least I couldn't help but post the picture of Will with his new snow shoes! I think he likes his present -- but I have to admit it was very "me" driven. I love snowshoeing!!! And for the past few years he had to wear my pink snow shoes while I wore my old snow shoes. I get my snowshoes back, and now we can spend our winters hiking the Wasatch Mountains!

House painting

2009-12-21T21:55:00.001-08:00

This is just a quick blog to let you know how our repainting is coming. For those of you who don't know we moved into the basement apartment of Summer's parents about a month ago. The apartment consists of four rooms: a kitchen, a bathroom, a living room and a bedroom. So far we've got the bedroom done (except for the accidental paint chip I put in the wall) and the bathroom is nearly done as well. Fortunately the kitchen did not require a lot of work (at least as far as I can tell), but the living room still has a few touch ups to be done. Mostly we have to put the baseboards back in and I think Summer's Dad wants to put the stone above the fireplace in. In any case its looking good and hopefully in a few days it will be presentable to the world. The pictures above show us repainting the bedroom and Summer wants me to note the improvement in the color choice--green to brown with a chocolate brown accent wall in the bedroom.

Sleep appointment

2009-12-10T14:27:00.000-08:00

Before we left for Ohio we actually got approved for a sleep study and went to be tested. Dr. Simpson, however, did not have room to see us after that appointment, before we left for Ohio. As a result the follow up visit was today. Both Will and I were dreading attending the appointment. Will because he thought the doctor might tell him that because of his "sleepiness" it would be difficult to ever return to be a doctor. I was unexcited because of the pre-Ohio drama with mandating us to take the test and not wanting to write a letter saying "he seriously doubted that Will had sleep apnea" even though this was the case. So thus followed the back and forth with trying to get it covered under insurance. In the end it was covered and Will of course did not have sleep apnea and did not have narcolepsy.

The appointment actually went very well. Dr. Simpson was surprised, as is the case with many doctors, that Will was much more alert than a few months earlier and that he did not look sleepy during the appointment. With these observations, and my comments on maybe we look for alternative careers in medicine he told Will -- "You are young and your brain will heal, don't give up on becoming a doctor, even if it took a few years. Be patient." He then quoted what he thought was said by Winston Churchill-- "Never give up!"

I have to admit this was a vote of confidence we sorely needed as the past few weeks have been especially difficult (depressing). On top of this good news--- Will signed up to volunteer weekely in a free clinic today. They are very excited to have Will on board and he will be shadowing doctors, taking vitals, etc...

The above pictures are Will and I at Temple Square. The lights were enchanting. ps the Goattee was my idea-- he wore it for at least four hours before I demanded he shave it ;)

The End....Another Beginning

2009-11-29T21:25:00.000-08:00

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of activity, with hardly a minute to type. I'll start with the last leg of the trip and let Will tell you the end of our trip. After Gettysburg we set up shop at Will's sister's place in Brooklyn, New York. What a city to live in. The drivers in New York are crazy the buildings are covered in spray paint, and parking is nearly impossible. Even though it was a little bit of a culture shock for me I have to say I felt a richness and culture there that was totally new and exciting. Will's sister's place is 125 years old. Everywhere you look there are cathedrals, bakeries, gift shops, libraries, and authentic restaurants. After spending a few days in Brooklyn and taking my first ever to visit Trader Joe's, it was time to head into the center of the Big Apple. Will and I spent an entire day touring New York. It was soooo much fun. We started out by doing some temple work at the New York Temple and then we walked across Central Park to the Metropolitan Museum where we spent hours visiting a few of the exhibits there. Then we took the subway down to Times Square and ate our first New York Bagel and slice of New York Pizza. Times Square at night is buzzing with activity and the lights are magical. After taking it all in we were 45 minutes early to Wicked. I will spare you my rants about how it was the most amazing musical I have ever seen. Just know that I have been singing the broadway tunes without ceasing ever since that moment ;).

We left for Utah the next day. Will will tell you the rest of that story. As for our future, it is still very much unwritten. Because of our experience in Ohio, things have felt as if they have regressed. We have felt and continue to feel lost. The questions and advice continues-- "why don't you try this...." or "do you have a back up plan...." --- as we are still unsure as to what the fastest way back to full recovery is or where (if ever) the recovery will stop these questions will remain a mystery for the time being. In the meantime while we have experienced loss and stumbling blocks, the reality is that Will continues to experience extraordinary recovery-- his wakefulness improves everyday, his personality exhibits itself more all the time, and lastly he remembers more and understands more than he ever has before. This story is far from over -- it is only beginning.. We're revving up for another go :) So keep praying and keep reading. We love you and thank you for all you do to help us in this journey.

Ps I've posted the pictures of the above mentioned activities. We have also set a new goal to have Will blog as well. I am very glad he has consented to do so, he is definitely my better half. I am soo lucky to have him :)

Gary Indiana

2009-11-29T20:45:00.000-08:00

Summer wants me to start writing in here. I don't think that is such a bad idea. Hopefully, you won't think so either. In any case this first post will be short. I'm just going to tell you about what happened in Gary, Indiana. Gary is a town on the way between Columbus and Madison. We were on our way to Madison to visit my brother and had been in Columbus to pick up some of my stuff. In any case we were driving down the road when my car started making sounds and not acting normal. We had been putting fresh oil in it, but that oil had been leaking out, and it had been going pretty fast. In any case we had to stop and fortunately Gary was close by. We took it to a repair shop who diagnosed it as oil getting into one of the pistons. Unfortunately, that pretty much meant the end of the car. We could put a new engine in it or attempt a repair that wasn't guaranteed to work, but either of those options would take time and we had to get Summer back to Utah for an interview. Fortunately for us we were able to sell the car to a lady who was also at the fix it shop and rent a new car for the rest of the trip. In fact we were going again that night. I kind of miss my car, but at least we made it back alive.

The adventure continues

2009-11-15T18:11:00.000-08:00

So this post will be mostly pictures, as we're living the dream, or our dreams of visiting the East Coast monuments and being reminded of the reasons for which they were constructed... the revolution, a new government, freedom of religion, freedom from slavery, etc...
I'm amazed at the humility and perseverance of our fore fathers as they were required to "fight" for everything they had. I believe nothing great ever happens without alot of work and faith. We're better for having spent time in our nations capital.

The pictures below: Will in front of Jefferson's home in Monticello. Jefferson is an amazing individual not only did he draft the declaration of independence; he was an architect, lawyer, paleontologist, agriculturalist, a violinist, he read seven languages, and the list goes on.

The library of Congress was my favorite building. Every corner was designed to symbolized the birth of a great nation.

The larger than life statue of Lincoln... a well deserved monument for the man who was president of a divided country during the civil war.

Will and I visited the place where 170,000 americans went to battle and 50,000 of them lost their lives in the three day battle of Gettysburg.

Will and I became a part of the East Coast flooding on our way to New York City to visit his sister in Brooklyn.

Will & Summer's Recovery

2009-11-08T10:25:00.000-08:00

We've been in Georgia for the past week letting my sister-in-law cook amazing dinners for us and enjoying tons o hugs from our two nephews and niece. I don't have a lot of thoughts for you today. It hurts my head to think too much about the "next steps." We've spent many hours this past week figuring out how best to give Will the "optimal recovery" over the next year. Nothing has quite panned out yet so be assured we'll let you know when we know ;) We're still pushing for a full recovery-- meaning Will will again practice medicine.

In the meantime-- here we are. I can't tell you how much my love for Will grows everyday as I watch him take on the world over and over again. I am lucky to be with him. And no matter how "mad" we get at the stroke we realize that it was the "stroke" that brought us back together. I guess Will's greatest trial is our greatest blessing. I'm not sure if people reading this blog can or do look at their 'greatest trials' in the same way but I imagine that if the trial served to bring you closer to God than you're thankful. I think that is all we can hope for in this life.

So I'll finish this blog with a picture of Will and one of our nephews and a picture and video of our latest safari adventure. Also above I took a shot at depicting in a photograph how I feel about autumn in the East. I love it!

Fear not, Stand Still

2009-10-30T05:14:00.000-07:00

There is a passage in Exodus where, following a period of slavery and afflictions the Israelites were granted their freedom and they marched out of Egypt. In a change of heart the Pharaoh then decides he wants them back and just as the children of Israel reach the shores of the Red Sea they lift up their eyes and behold the Egyptian Army and they "were sore afraid." I relate this passage of scripture to you because it is the best way I have to describe some of the moments Will and I have had in the past week. We have "waded through much affliction" and felt as if our "freedom from physical disability" was at hand. We hoped that the doctors here in Ohio would see Will's amazing progress and grant him passage to their residency (on the grounds that he would return to full health by July). When the email came that this would not be the case, my heart broke. Thinking of Will's disappointment, our medical school debt, what we could do instead, how we'll ever be able to have a family we could support, etc. Fear and doubt overtook me. I cried for hours, then later when I picked Will up from the hospital we wept together.

I am sure you all have many of the same questions I do, and you're hoping for answers in this blog post, but unfortunately I can't give you many answers right now. I guess this just gives you incentive to continue to follow this blog for awhile longer ;) I'm sure we will look for intermediary job opportunities and a few refresher courses at a third year/fourth year medical student level will probably be required. The new plan will be to apply for a residency a year from now. To assist in the repairing of our broken hearts, we will not be returning to Utah yet. I've always wanted to spend time in the East Coast. We'll visit my brother in Georgia, some friends in Washington DC and Will's sister in New York.

I want to leave you with the assurance that I know God lives. Just as Moses then stood before his people and said "Fear ye not, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord" and the Read Sea parted, so shall Will and I continue to see miracles. In the meantime we will be graced with "compensating blessings." Thank you again for following our saga. We love you and appreciate all you do for us. Our love for the people who have and continue to assist in Will's recovery continues to grow, specifically at this time for those here in Ohio. I had the opportunity to meet with a few of Will's first responders yesterday. I hope they know of our great appreciation.

ps I promise to relate more of the specific experiences Will had at the hospital and the feedback we received from them in the next blog. It became apparent in his rounds Will still needs to recover more, but if granted this growth he has great potential to be an extraordinary doctor.

pps above is a picture of Will in front of Riverside Hospital, the place where he was doing an observorship for the last two weeks. Below You'll also see Will dressed as a doctor for a ward Halloween party. And our attendance at the "Pumkin Festival" in Circleville. It was around five full blocks of fried food, princesses and pumpkins. ppps see if you can spot Will in the picture with the pumpkin tower ;)

The Return to Ohio

2009-10-21T08:20:00.000-07:00

After Will's stroke, he came back to Utah very lost. On top of the deficits caused by the stroke, Will never quite understood what he was lacking "abilities wise." Only a month after Will came back after his stroke Will's dad asked him "If you could do anything right now what would it be" Will said "I'd get in my car and drive back to Ohio." As far as Will could understand one day he woke up and "Ohio" was gone. His life's work, his studies, his friends and medical associates. So with this in mind his desire to come back to Ohio and begin again a "normal life" has always been strong.

Now that we are here, two worlds have finally come together for Will. The world in Utah where we met and married, and now Will's profession, also a great love of his. Will's spirits are high, and what I can tell, he has been well received among work associates and friends. I have only had the opportunity to witness a few of these reunions-- mostly at church. Will saw a friend Sunday, Chad who is a practicing neurologist, who had no idea Will was back in town. When Chad saw him at church he just stood and stared. It took him a minute to resolve in his mind how far Will had come since the stroke. He couldn't believe the progress. Once he caught his breath he bombarded Will with questions about the stroke and Will answered clearly and confidently. He then said "you're the old Will alright." I imagine there have been similar reunions at his former "residency hospital," Riverside Methodist Hospital, where Will has been doing an "Observer ship" for the past three days. Everyday he comes home with a smile on his face. The 10 hour days do not tire him nor do they yet require him to "do more than he can do." My guess is that this experience will challenge him but that he will rise to the challenge. I have spent the last year and a half watching Will take on each new challenge and surprise all around him with abilities we worried he would not have. I remember a month and a half after he came home we went swimming together-- I was worried the moment we jumped into the deep side of the pool that he would sink-- that he'd forget how to breath or preform the strokes necessary-- My fears were put to rest when he beat me to the other side of the pool.

We are very grateful for this invaluable experience in Ohio. We don't know for how long we will be here, or if we'll get to return here in July for Will's residency (although this is Will's greatest hope), however this experience will be the "proof" we need to give Will his life back. I'd be smiling everyday too if I were him. Indeed he is very glad to be back.

ps above I've posted two pictures one of Will on his favorite bike riding trail in Ohio along the Olentangy River, and then of us conversing with my brothers and sisters in different states over the internet.

A million times a day

2009-10-15T18:35:00.000-07:00

I've been reading "Stroke of Insight" a book written by Jill Bolte Taylor. She is a brain scientist who experienced a massive stroke at 37 years old when a blood vessel exploded in the left side of her brain. You can imagine the amount of physical/mental change that happened to her in that moment. A change that would take eight years to recover what was lost. She lost her ability to walk, speak and especially read. None of it came back in a day, but it all came back -- and she now tours the country as a brain scientist with a special message to share about the brain. Like Will, she does not feel like she lost anything from having had the stroke (hence the title of her book). She emphasizes that there is full and complete recovery after a stroke, and the only reason people stop recovering is because they stop trying...

This brings me to the topic of this blog entry. There is a phrase in her book that rings very true to me. "Recovery was a decision I had to make a million times a day." She not only was lacking the appropriate physical/mental abilities to reengage at the levels she needed to resume a "normal life" she had also lost the desire to do so. She talks about what it feels like to live in her "uninjured right brain" to have no cares, simply to live in a world of ecstatic bliss- she lost all desire to return to the complicated and at times "angry" world. For Will the "recovery goals" like Jill Bolte were superficial at times. "What was the point." Will said to me, a couple months after his stroke with tears flowing freely "what does it matter I'm not ever going to be a doctor again anyways." Many times in a stroke recovery the "caregiver" at first has the responsibility to set their goals for the stroke victim and help them realize what they are missing. After time their abilities return and the victim of a stroke can take that responsibility.

Will has been taking on a tremendous amount of responsibility lately. It is sooo exciting to have him step up to the plate and take over bills, budgeting and more complicated tasks. He is often found multi-tasking, jumping from one activity to the next without reminder. And when things get difficult-- I remind him "This is a decision you have to make a million times a day -- push through it." We know we'll make it through, and Will is going to practice medicine once again.

Speaking of practicing medicine, we're currently at another bend in Will's return to full recovery-- Will begins his trial rotations next week. We left Utah Monday morning and arrived in Ohio Tuesday night. We let go of Utah's towering mountain tops,but welcomed Columbus' majestic autumn terrain. I love it here!! Above are photos of Will in front of the apartment where he lived when he had the stroke and him standing in front of a nearby river. I've also posted a picture of Will and I playing Ultimate Frisbee in Bear Lake with my Family two weeks ago. Thank you for all of your support and prayers and stay tuned -- I'm sure I'll have a lot to blog about in the coming weeks ;)

Amazing Grace

2009-10-05T10:05:00.000-07:00

The video below was a wedding present I made for William back in December. I wanted to share it with those following this blog, for if you're still with us you have become a part of our story. I created the video hoping to capture a glimpse of what I feel. For you see our story did not start the night Will had a life threatening stroke in which he was found around 13 hours later unconscious in bed. Our story started years before that. For me it started when I was 14 and attended a youth dance, in which no one asked me to dance. I cried for hours afterwords. I worried I wasn't good enough or pretty enough, that I could not be loved. My greatest desire in life has always been to have a family of my own. A good family.

As I entered my early twenties, many of my close friends were joining hands and hearts with their future companions, however my hope was not realized and again my heart broke. Meanwhile, Will was facing challenges of his own. Will's sister found Will one night in tears feeling that he would not be able to afford medical school or get into the school he wanted. Those fears became a reality when he was not accepted to U of U's medical school that year. Will's dream of becoming a doctor was taken from him (for a time). It was around this point I met Will. We quickly became friends but nothing more as Will was working toward being accepted to other medical schools. I remember being disappointed when I heard he would be moving to Ohio - I sent him with a "travel care package" and wished him luck thinking the next time I would hear from him is when he needed my address to send me his wedding invitation. Gratefully, however, this was not his next contact. We dated on and off through these years and then talked about joining hearts and hands-- when the time to decide came we again shed tears, as a long distant relationship was not in the plans. Will returned to Ohio. We picked up the pieces of our lives and moved on.

It wasn't over night that I was able to rise above the fears of the present moments and muster the courage to start my own career and buy a home of my own, but in the Lord's amazing grace-- he brought me peace every time I fell. He did the same for Will who was required to balance a demanding medical school schedule with teaching/serving more than 100 members in his church calling as Elder's Quorum President. He lifted Will and I and made it possible for us to have what I now call "compensating blessings." The images you'll see in the video reflect the years Will and I spent "alone" trying to create a life that would be acceptable before our Heavenly Father. However, we were rarely alone as you can see the people in video are and continue to be our amazing grace. Our parents, our brothers, our sisters, our nieces, our nephews and our friends carried us through times we felt we could go no further.

Since returning home from Ohio to recover from his stroke, Will and I have spent little time apart for the Lord mended what was broken. And while over the past year we have stood and continue to stand at the crossroads of losing "our dream" of Will becoming a doctor and my becoming the mother of a wonderful family, the Lord has promised good to us. With God's unending love we'll make it. For in this is God's Amazing Grace - "how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me..."

Just Breathe...

2009-09-23T11:20:00.000-07:00

OK. Here's the news. Will and I are going to Ohio October 16th. While there he will do a two week rotation. Once the rotation is up he will be evaluated and considered for another two weeks. This is great and terrible news to a wife who has been on pins and needles for months now. Wanting so badly for Will to have his life back, but not knowing the perfect time to "release" him for all to see. He has moments where he is perfect. Like Sunday for example -- we walked home from church and he recounted three hours of information he took in-- detail for detail. He even recited the chapters and versus mentioned in the lessons. Much of what he recalled were things I had forgotten. I was floored, and excited. His recovery continues to amaze me. However, in other moments he does not do as well. Specialists have said this is good news that if he is not consistent it means he is still improving/healing.

Now I mentioned in the last blog that I would give you more details on the test results. The neurologist- gave Will a great letter-- saying as far as he could tell Will was doing wonderfully and had little chance of having another stroke. He did, however, defer the decision making to the nuero psychologist as his examination is much more thorough. Dr. Mayer, the nuero psychologist, advised that Will go through an "intermediate training," slower paced than a residency but more intense than just shadowing, like he has been doing at the University of Utah. Dr. Mayer believed that starting an official residency next July was very plausible.

Neither of these doctors were able to address Will's energy levels. The time in Ohio will be our best bet at answering the question of performing well after having worked for 30 hours without sleep - While I think it is a miracle that any body can do this, it is certainly a lot to ask of a guy recovering from a serious stroke. I am the only one who complains about this however, Will recognizes the experience as invaluable to his medical career and is willing to take the shift(s). I'll give you the skimmy in Will's sleep schedule from my point of view-- he doesn't take naps at all anymore and he sleeps less than I do-- as he gets up earlier to shadow at the U. I believe he has a very good chance of making this hurdle.

The above photos: Will and I switched off taking pictures of one another so I could update a website I am creating to showcase some of my writing, photography and public relations projects. Also, I've added a picture of a 25 mile bike ride we did the other day with my older brother.

We've got the results

2009-09-11T09:01:00.000-07:00

OK. I've been wanting to wait for the extensive neuro psych report (I'll pick up later today). But I realized I have too much I want to say. So you'll get part of the results today and part of them in the coming weeks. Where to start. I realized I have only blogged lately about our trials and have missed talking about some significant improvements in Will this month. His speech. I told my mom this morning I had given up on thinking it would ever be perfect again. I somehow thought that it was "done" healing. I was wrong. Will is speaking clearer now than ever before. I rarely have to have him repeat himself and he rarely speaks too "loud or soft" as he had before. What a blessing! And as stated in early posts, we continue to see improvements in Will's executive functioning (this area has been a bear to work with, however, his initiative and performance are better all the time and not nearly as frustrating).

Now for part of the neuro psych results. Will and I sat with Dr. Mayer this past Wednesday. My understanding was last year at this time Will's parents were going over the same test results and the mood was very somber and the results less hopeful. This year it is like we were all (even Dr. Mayer) dreaming up what kind of doctor Will should become. I think this neuro psych test was more like a thousand dollar personality test. We decided Will should not go into emergency medicine, or heart surgery, etc. He is thorough and takes his time. He analyzes everything before giving his answers. Will scored very high on accuracy. Speed however was not so high, in fact we have some room to grow there before being able to resume an actual residency. He also ranked low on taking initiative. I spoke with Dr. Mayer about this and said-- I have to say I'm thinking Will might have scored low in these areas before his stroke (I should know I had to wait five years for the kid to ask me to marry him ;) Dr. Mayer agreed but said it is still lower than what he was before and I'd say that sounds right.

As far as all the other tests Will has moved from low average to average -- Meaning he is finally Normal! (As a side note Will was not being tested on his intelligence-- he continues to excel there-- Dr. Mayer said if being a doctor was just about intelligence Will could have gone back a year ago. Will is just as brilliant as he has always been.) There were even a few tests where Dr. Mayer said to me "you better not challenge him in this area (short term retention memory) because he'll beat you."

I'll end by giving you a sneak peek into what I've seen in Will. In a recent financial seminar we took personality tests. Will tested as a ENTJ (Extravert, Intutive, Thinking, Judging) these personalities are "field marshals" with great abilities to lead and initiate. I know his abilities will match back up with what is in his heart. We believe a rotation in Ohio would bring back the rest of what was lost, as most jobs inspire responsibility and initiative (much more than a nagging wife;). Keep us in your prayers as we hope next month finds us in Ohio.

ps the pictures above were taken this past weekend by Will of a buffalo a mile from our camp. A moose in our camp and our hike around Jenny O lake in the shadows of the Tetons in Jackson Hole. And yes the little dots behind Will and I in the grassy area are a herd of buffalo.

In the midst.....

2009-09-04T13:30:00.000-07:00

So we're going the rounds and have been "hit down" some. But we're still standing. The visits with the doctors have been very positive. But the logistics to the return to Ohio are complicated and discouraging.

Will's visit with the neurologist. Dr. Wilder determined in fact Will had the bilateral Thalamic stroke and that the probable cause was his PFO (hole in his heart that was fixed March 08). Dr Wilder does not worry that lack of sleep will contribute to a recurrent stroke. He also thinks Will should be able to work his way back into being a doctor. He said Will is lucky, because of his youth, he is regaining much of what was lost. He mentioned only time will tell if Will will be able to regain all of the "awake energy" he had before the stroke. It is possible he will, and possible he won't.

Dr. Mayer, who gave Will the Neuro Psych test last week, as usual is confident Will will be able to return to his medical residency and believes it would be best to "ease him back into it." We'll see the specifics to the test results this next week.

The sleep apnea test. What a nightmare. Will shows no "obvious" signs of sleep apnea. The insurance is refusing to cover the cost of the test because of this. However the doctors want the test done (side note: it frustrates me to no end that insurance companies can dictate the health of a human being-- that should be the doctor's choice). We are in the processes of appealing the denial of the claim-- but who knows how long this could take. We're running out of time to get these tests - as interviewing for residencies start in Oct-Dec. Keep up your prayers. I know they make a difference. With your help and of course the Lords, we can rise every time we fall ;)

Above are pictures of our latest hike up Adam's canyon. Will took the fun photo of the stalks rolling in the wind.

Tests, Tests, and More Tests

2009-08-25T21:07:00.000-07:00

We've learned the "healing process" has no timetable it happens when it happens, however, the application and interview deadlines are approaching quickly. With this in mind we're gearing up to get "proof" from doctors on how well Will is doing. Tomorrow Will is taking a neuro psych test. This time last year Will took this test and it was scheduled for two days... Will's neuropsychologist said that many tests will not be necessary this go around and his visit should only last a morning. Next week we are scheduled to take an over night sleep apnea test (as sleep apnea can contribute to recurrent strokes) -- In our consultation today with sleep doctors, they really doubted that Will had sleep apnea but were willing to schedule him as a precaution. Lastly we will meet with a neurologist next Tuesday -- he will review all of Will's medical records and CT scans and evaluate his current performance. Stay tuned for results. They should give us the guidance we need to get back to Ohio for a rotation. In particular the evaluation of Will's performance on a rotation would contribute immensely to being re-accepted into a residency program.

Despite the uncertainty of the moment, we believe Will is going to one day practice medicine again. Will's continues make great strides in the areas of attention to detail and memory. As far as the timetables we know the Lord is mindful of our prayers and will bless us with the right outcome. Thank you for your continued support, we should have news on Will's tests in the upcoming blogs.

Above are two of our adventures the past couple of weeks. The first was a mountain bike climb up to "elephant rock" the second was our hike up Adams Canyon. Also above is a photo shoot Will and I participated in -- he took these particular photos, my husby is getting pretty darn good with the camera.

Flying High

2009-08-09T19:55:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened the last few weeks. I'll start with Ohio. We've been in communication with some of the administrators from Will's residency, they want some "hard evidence" that Will is doing well enough to begin the trek back to residency. We will spend the next few weeks gathering that "evidence" with tests and letters from a few local doctors. We have to admit it is a little nerve racking not knowing what will come next-- but I imagine that the battle we all go through-- moving forward with faith, knowing the Lord will prepare the way as we continue to be faithful.

In the meantime we are "flying high," Will's progress continues to manifests itself in the day to day routines. I no longer need to coax Will to study --- he does it on his own. His executive functioning continues to amaze me. Will is still shadowing at the U of U hospital on a regular basis, with both the Cardiology and Internal Medicine departments. And he still volunteers at Globus Relief when he finds the time. He also keeps the finances here at home rolling-- which is very nice for me as I have been the responsible party in this area until this past month. As for projects Will organized his piles of papers in our back room. You can only imagine how they have built up over the past year..... bills, medical files, bank statements, loan information, etc. Organization is another piece of the puzzle to finally emerge in the past months.

Will's recovery is starting to make sense. In the symphony of our minds - each player is required to practice on his own (as Will did in the first year proceeding his stroke recovery). Then later the soloist begin to listen to the other instruments and harmonize with them -- keeping in tune and on beat with the melody (June 09) -- beautiful music begins to flow (August 09). Music that inspires and lifts. Will's mind is finally preforming to speed with the other instruments-- before long I believe he will be back in the seat of first stand -- leading the orchestra-- as he was before the stroke. Keep reading and watching as our symphony unfolds -- life is a beautiful thing. I hope all who read this blog recognize what a blessing it is to live in a time of so much information where our minds are able to preform in extraordinary ways.

Summer

ps Above are pictures of Will's first time flying a kite. Next, photos of a family vacation I forgot to post a few weeks ago of us at the camp site, Will "surfing" in the nearby river, and of course a shot of our naughty nephews shooting marshmallows at us-- caught in the act.

Waiting, healing

2009-07-26T19:20:00.000-07:00

Will continues to show amazing recovery. This past week he reminded me of one of my nieces names -- I had forgotten. He also told me the first and last names of our upstairs neighbors without prompting. Will is more productive at home than he has ever been, organizing, building, fixing, studying, etc. It is very encouraging to see how far Will has come. However, I have to admit this week I feel like we are on mile 23 of a marathon, and exhaustion is threatening to overtake us. I ask how much more will be asked of Will and I. But I realize in this pursuit of healing and redemption there is not room to look back or ignore the road ahead. I only hope I can be strong, like Will has been and continues to be. It takes so much courage and faith to do what Will has done. To keep trying when everything seems to shout there is no way. I stand in awe of what my husband has been through. He is so gentle and willing to listen to the Lord in this time of uncertainty. He is a great man and I love him more everyday.

As for the rest of this week's updates, we are still waiting to hear from Ohio on when they want Will to do a rotation. He is also waiting to hear back from Eaglegate College on whether or not he will start teaching in the next few months there. Above you can see Will put a new door knob on our storage closet. The knob before did not lock. The other picture is Will and I in one his Grandpa's carriages.

Keep up your prayers. Thank you for your continued attention to the blog and Will's recovery. You all make such a difference in our lives.

More of Will's Genius

2009-07-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

Will has been doing wonderfully. Above are pictures he took on a hike we went on this past week. The following posts are our past few weeks. I couldn't chose just a few photos so fasten your seat belts you're in for the life and stories of Will and Summer ;)

I'll start with the update. This past week a lot happened, Will started shadowing Dr. Milne, the internal medicine director, at U of U - she quizzes and teaches along the way. He continues to shadow a cardiologist. Will is probably going to do a night shift in Ohio soon to help doctors back there see where he is at. And lastly he has a job interview tomorrow at Eagle Gate college, if he gets the job he will be teaching students the elementary of medical terminology and pharmacology tech. Keep us in your prayers - we are closer, but we still have a long road to travel.

Will's latest project

2009-07-12T21:39:00.001-07:00

The idea to start a new project every week came from the desire to help Will pay attention to detail. The results have been phenomenal. Will built me a shelf in our guest bedroom this past week and then painted it. All these projects were only dreams to me before Will came along - I am not really handy with tools. And for all of you who are all thinking, Summer is milking this "project" thing- all I have to say to you is "no way ;)"

My birthday

2009-07-12T21:33:00.000-07:00

When I woke up the morning of my birthday and started setting up for breakfast. My husband brought me out a cake he made, and at that moment I knew that never in the history of mankind has a women ever been soo loved by a man. One that would bake and decorate a cake -- both skills that were self taught in the very hour of creation. Will makes me smile everyday. He is so thoughtful. Along with the cake he bought me a new iPhone and a watch.

The Hike

2009-07-12T21:29:00.000-07:00

Ok I have to admit. I'm a sucker for my nieces and nephews. They are my everything, next to Will of course ;) So when two of my nephews left town for two weeks, I called up hours after they returned and asked them to hike with Will and I because I missed them so. Logan loved riding on Will's shoulders and drinking from his camel back, while Kobe was on a hunt for rattle snakes. It was sooo Cute!

The 4th of July Race

2009-07-12T21:20:00.001-07:00

This pic is Will laughing at our new brother-in-law Tyler. Tyler was protesting me and my sister's habits of running 5k's on major holiday's, in this instance the 4th of July. Tyler hung a subway sandwich on a stick and dressed up in a tie and slacks. While runing the 5k people called to him saying "hey subway boy are you going to eat that?" He'd smile and keep his trot-- he came in at 29 minutes, Will was close behind. It was sooo fun.

Great news & Great progress

2009-06-28T21:22:00.000-07:00

I've got a lot to post about and not a lot of time. It's almost past my bedtime. I'll start with the stuff that might not make sense to the untrained eye. Will did not have to be reminded to call his home teaching family this month. Routine he remembers, things he would write down he would sometimes remember, but the things I didn't mention would generally be forgotten. Well gone are the days of forgetting. He remembers non-routine task and preforms them without my bidding. For you readers this may seem insignificant. To me I want to do cart wheels and sing every time he surprises me with a new "on his own task." Ok I'll give you one more cool thing to me but again insignificant detail to the untrained eye. I was talking about someone in the news and Will turned to me and said "oh that Paul Cardall" guy? -- I almost fell over in my chair but decided not to because I was driving. Not only could Will remember a name he only read once, but it meant he had read or listened to the news that day. He is coming back to the real world. I have to admit I like the world of -just Will and I and family but I'm thinking those days are less and less. Will is studying more and interacting more than he ever has! (I'm sure we'll always be #1 in his life but the difference will be we won't be the only ones in his life in the future;)

OK now for the good news. A cardiologist, Dr. Burlew, at the University of Utah took Will on this last week. Will is "job shadowing" but more than that he is engaging in more resident like activities. Interacting with the patients and dialoguing with Dr. Burlew about them. This is exciting because Will has been considering specializing in cardiology once his internal medicine residency is done. This will be great experience to that end.

Last but not least. Life is good. Will and I spent Friday night camping in the rain with his little brother (who needed some merit badge points for his eagle scout). Will surprised me with the new iPhone for my birthday this past week. I have been walking around with a perma grin all week. Now I'm like all the other account managers at the advertising agency I work at. We have a few leads on jobs and are looking to engage with more doctors in job shadowing. Will continues to volunteer at globus relief and the Temple. He took the first of a two part occupational test-- which I'm sure he passed with flying colors because it was the physical functionality test. Next is the "stay up for 30 hours test" -- I know crazy. I'm sure he'll be fine though. He is pretty alert when he is awake. I don't see him doze off like the old days. OK this post is long enough. Enjoy the pictures above of Will and Nate setting up a shelter from the rain on our camping trip and of course the shelves Will built with very little instruction. I was at work and came home to new organization for our storage!!! Take care I'll blog again soon.

Summer

Better and better all the time

2009-06-07T15:15:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been great! I would go so far as to say Will's best weeks yet! Like I've said in earlier posts it is difficult to pin point Will's deficits right now because there are less and less of them all the time. His memory is reaching pre-stroke levels. He even remembers names (which he could not do a month ago).

Since we're too lesser detectable levels I hope to effectively communicate the improvements. Executive functioning. If you have followed this blog long enough you have read quite a bit about this topic. One of the highest levels of functioning that we have is the executive functioning... It does not fully develop until we are around 25 years old. That is why you'd have to constantly tell a teen to clean their room-- that functioning is not quite there yet. Well I have to admit I have felt very much like Will's mother at times-Will are you doing this, Will can you do this, etc. You'll be happy to know that I am less and less "motherly" all the time. I'll name some specific things he has done in the last couple weeks without my direct prompting. Will worked in my parents yard for hours on end getting it ready for my sister's wedding, he also helped move his sister up to her fiances home in time for her wedding this past Friday. Thursday he emptied out our storage closets to prepare to build shelves in there this next week. The past two weeks has applied for about 15 jobs, and he bought two new, very expensive ;) internal medicine books and has studied them frequently. He continues to write in his journal and read his scriptures everyday, again without prompting.

I hope Will's initiative the past few weeks will continue-- in the meantime we are calling June the month of "Detail." As a doctor you have to be very into detail so we're working on bringing this up to par. Will is being tasked each week with things that take a lot of planning and detail-- this week is building shelves in our storage unit on our balcony, he has never done this before but I'm sure he'll do fine. We'll post pictures of Will's projects in the coming weeks.

Last but not least Will's stamina is awesome-- we ran a sprint triathlon last week and Will came in a little after me, I'm a little better swimmer because of practice, else he would have beat me for sure. Will continues to be alert. He generally has around eight hours of sleep a night and only takes a couple of naps a week.

Above I've posted a picture from the triathlon and one from his sister's reception. We're doing great. I love Will with all of my heart. He is such a good man. One of Heavenly Father's choice sons. Keep reading and following the blog. We love your support and prayers.

Forging ahead

2009-05-17T21:26:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since last I wrote to you. I'll share some bad news-- but follow it up with good news;) Will and I spoke with Dr. Boes, the director over Will's residency program, Will cannot resume a residency until earliest a year from July 09. Before next July Will will need to take the occupational test and neuro psych test, which has been postponed from this month to later this summer. Will will then need to fly out to Ohio to do a month medical rotation then later 8-12 weeks of medical rotations. Once we have made it this far we can begin residency.

This direction came as surprise to us - however, the good news is that this new direction allows for more time for Will to heal and will result in greater chances of success. I believe that the Lord is watching over us. I know this additional time will prove to be the miracle we've been looking for. Residency is a steep climb even for a person without a brain injury.

Now for your brief on Capitol Reef. We loved it!! It was beautiful and relaxing. We hiked to the top of the world, enganged in dangerous battles with large Lizards, and then rested the night in a cabin, see photos above.

As for the next few weeks of our lives. We've got my sister's wedding this Friday and Will's sister's wedding in three Fridays. In two Saturday's we are doing a Triatholon at our local Rec center. Boy it's going to be a crazy few weeks. Talk to ya soon!

Summer

Dr. Appointments, Moab

2009-04-26T14:53:00.000-07:00

We had our visit with Dr. Edgely this week, it was the first time Will had seen him since January. Dr. Edgely noted that Will had been unaffected by the 5 mg of Ritlin twice a day and so he increased the dosage to 10 mg twice a day to see if that had an affect. Next Dr. Edgely gave us the go ahead to start the ball rolling with a series of test in the next month to verify that he is ready to resume a residency. He put us in touch with the department that would schedule the career specific occupational test... I think that means Will will stay up 30 hours in the next month to show that he has the stamina he needs. Next we talked about the nuero psych test, which has been scheduled with Dr. Mayer for the end of May. Dr. Edgely seemed particularly interested in this one. He said he would look to it for the direction he needed to assess where Will was at in reference to returning to residency. The reason for this became clear as I asked Dr. Edgely to explain how his return to residency went after his stroke. Dr. Edgely said he was a little different than Will. Dr. Edgely's cognitive functioning was not affected. He needed to focus on speech and writing with his other hand. Will has to regain full cognitive functioning. I interpreted this as meaning there is less of an allowance to allot to Will because at the heart of being a physician is their ability to think (using a left arm or speaking clearly are relatively secondary). At this point Dr. Edgely turned to Will, put his hand on Will's shoulder and said, "Will you've got an uphill battle. But there are many, including me, that have full confidence that you will practice medicine." Lastly, I asked him whether we are doing these tests at the right time. Dr. Edgely confidently replied that it was the right time to test.

Will and I are looking forward to the outcome of the next month and a half. I know we are close and I'm guessing Dr. Mayer will tell us exactly how close we really are. Will is preforming at higher levels of cognitive functioning than I have seen in previous months. As always we solicit your prayers and support. In the face of this difficult time we acknowledge that God has all power in these matters, and nothing is impossible to Him. We've seen many miracles in Will's behalf and know we will continue to see the Lords healing hand. We continue to trust in His time table and feel lucky to have been so blessed in this recovery period.

Now onto the lighter part of the blog... Moab! Will and I took off to Moab Friday morning with our bikes and borrowed tent and coolers. Will had seen Delicate Arch but had not done a lot of actual mountain biking there. When we got there we discovered, after looking for two hours, that all of the campsites were full-- I guess there was some car show going on. By nightfall we were starting to get desperate, I imagined us sleeping in our car on the side of the road somewhere. In a last ditch effort I asked a camper if we could share his campsite. Thankfully he agreed and Will set up camp while I cut up vegetables for our tin foil dinners. We slept beautifully and woke up to towering red rock and a warm breeze. We had omelets for breakfast than took off to the Clondike trail for our climb to the top of the world. Above I've posted pictures of the climb and the top. We had so much fun. I am so glad Will shares my enthusiasm for the outdoors. We are headed to Capital Reef in two weeks to stay in a cabin with our friends there. I imagine we'll take our bikes and smiles then too.

The home stretch

2009-04-12T20:32:00.000-07:00

There is nothing instantaneous about Will's stroke recovery. It comes back a bit at a time. The improvements are often so small that if you blink you miss them. But the good news is that they are still happening. I can name things Will can do this week, that he could not have done even last week, ie he made several three point shots in our basketball game this week, he is more alert and awake than he has ever been, he rarely takes naps. His study notes were much more thorough this week than they were the week before. He initiates twice as many activities than he did at this time a month ago. While we've prayed for the effects of the stroke to go away in a miracle moment, I believe the miracle has been what we have learned in the moments of great loss. We continue in faith and feel like we are on the home stretch. Keep Will in your prayers. He is almost there.

As for his daily schedule it remains pretty demanding. Shadowing, volunteering, keeping up in a new church calling as ward membership clerk, exercising every other day, writing in his journal every night, studying once a week with another resident, studying at the library, listening to his MKSAP CD tracks whenever he is in his car, and lastly attending to a very exhausting wife ;)

As for life. We love it. My 13 nieces and nephews all have a new best friend in their new uncle Will. He plays with them often and they cling to him. We play basketball Wednesdays and Saturdays and are still training for our triathlon in June. Will's swimming laps are a lot more consistent and he swallows less of the pool these days. As for Will's attitude, as you can guess it continues to be exemplary for someone in his situation. He never complains and smiles often. I am the luckiest woman in the world to be married to such an amazing man.

Will has his next appointment with Dr. Edgely a week from tomorrow, he has not seen him since January so we are anxious to hear where we are at with preparing for a "return to his medical career" test.

Summer

ps I've posted a picture that Will took of me during a basketball game and a picture I took of Will.

Grand Rounds and Grand Days

2009-03-30T21:20:00.000-07:00

I'll start with a very vague sentence that would maybe make more sense if you were interacting with Will daily. "Will is really coming too lately." His clarity of speech, understanding, motivation, and problem solving are really starting to flow together. The complex melodies and chords in "Will's Symphony" are in tune and sound refined and brilliant. As a result- Will is initiating more activities and interactions with others, he is emailing, calling, and communicating more frequently and even our relationship is benefiting--the warm rays of spring are melting the winter worries of Will's recovery.

So I'll bring you up to speed on Will's progress. Will has been studying for Step 3 with another resident every Tuesday. Every Thursday he attends Grand Rounds at the University of Utah. It is fun as a wife to have married someone who didn't always "talk like a doctor" to now have a husband who "always talk's like a doctor" it's amazing to me what these residents know -- Will is brilliant!

We've also been in communication with Dr. Glascow in Ohio. She has instructed William to purchase MKSAP 14, Audio CD's that prepare him for Step 3 of the Boards. Will ordered the CD's online and received them today. Right now I am listening to the sound of the MKSAP CD downloading onto Will's laptop. Dr. Glascow is worried that Will will have a difficult time staying awake 30 hours, so if anyone in the sound of this blog feels free to pray for Will's stamina your prayers and support are always appreciated. We're convinced he will get there. And at the right time William will "run and not be weary and shall walk and not faint."

Will continues a pretty busy schedule of job shadowing a neuro surgeon Tuesday's and Thursdays' and volunteering at a Medical Charity Monday, Wednesday's and Fridays. In our spare time I beat him at basketball, raquetball and running, or maybe it is Will that takes the cake in these areas, I can't remember ;) We're healthy and happy and continue to be grateful for all of your support!

Sincerely,

Summer

p.s. above are pictures Will took of a couple of his sisters

Remember

2009-03-15T21:43:00.000-07:00

If I had to label for each month in Will's recovery process this month would be labeled "Memory Recovery." It as been amazing to watch. Just like the old days Will is first to remind me of "this or that or weren't you going to do..." and so on. Other reports on the good news front are that Will has been pretty busy and not pretty tired as a result. I am used to running my husband to the ground than watching him recover/nap for the next few days. This has not been the case. Will keeps me going. In fact today, Sunday, instead of taking an afternoon cat nap Will was all gung hoe about taking pictures (see above). So if this blog post is incomprehensible blame Will for "running ME to the ground."

Let's bring you up to speed on the last two weeks. Lisa, Will's speech therapist, continues to be delightfully surprised with Will's remarkable progress from week to week. So much that she has scheduled the visits for every other week instead of every week. She believes he is doing a great job of keeping up with his "own" therapies. A few weeks ago Lisa asked me to correct Will often, and I mentioned to Lisa if our marriage survived her request to have me constantly nag him to say things again and again than our relationship would be indestructible in the end. So far so good ;) Will's mother said he spoke clearer during their weekly study period than he ever had before. She even went so far as to say that he spoke better than he had before the stroke.

Will and I played lots and lots of sports this week. Basketball twice with my brothers and "new brother in law to be," than on the other days we did racketball and swimming. I'd like to tell everyone that I beat Will at racket ball, because I was the one who taught him to play five years ago, but the rotten kid schools me every time.

Last but not least Lisa came back to me with another request this week. To be very articulate with Will's medical studies-- first off I can't even pronounce the words in the book and last off I don't know if he'll want to stay with me if I am his 24/7 therapist, so I deferred. I called in for reinforcement. Chris, a friend of mine, is a second year resident and has agreed to study with Will every week starting Tuesday. I'm convinced that it takes a community to heal a stroke victim and an amazing family to make each day brighter. We couldn't do this without all of you. Thank you! Thank you!

Sincerely,

Summer

The Perfect Weekend

2009-03-01T14:05:00.000-08:00

This weekend we were given a wonderful opportunity to attend U of U's first annual PanVascular Summit at the Canyons in Park City. I worried that because of the duration of the classes Will would quickly fall asleep as I have seen him do in other similar settings... aka church ;) I was wrong. Will came alive this weekend. During the classes Will's eyes rarely closed, and he took notes without prompting. For me of course the classes were an entirely different language and every once in a while I would ask him what things meant and he would smile and quietly explain to me so I could keep up with the lectures (I was particularly interested in the lectures on PFO's). Will was on fire Friday, after the conference his medical knowledge seemed to have returned completely. He did not stumble in explaining to me the ventricles of the heart or the functions of the vessels, what a stunt is, etc... Later at my friends home Will asked questions and joked with them as if they'd been friends for years.

Today Will was wide awake in church and even got up and bore his testimony about his love for the Savior and the atoning sacrifice. I'm beaming to see his progress and thank you all for your prayers. It is as if we've been traveling up a steep mountain, exerting our energy for days on end with only the view of another rock and few scraps to account for the hard work. And when we thought we might faint from exhaustion, we pull ourselves over another rock and find breathtaking hills, mountains and valleys, the path ahead of us and behind us clear. I'm grateful for this time I've had to regain energy and hope for continued success.

Speaking of terrain, we've been out and about a lot lately. Above is Will on his new cross country ski's and a picture he took on a hike. Will bought a nice camera before his stroke, and it has been only recently that he has wanted to use it. Thank you again for all of your prayers and help in this continuing process.

Summer

ps Last week Will and I gave talks in church. Will spoke for 14 minutes, and everyone understood him. In fact many wept as they listened to him relate stories of faith, prayer, and continued efforts in keeping the commandments.

Phone calls

2009-02-16T08:13:00.000-08:00

First of all I couldn't resist posting this picture of my sweet husband who bent over backwards to give me the perfect Valentines day. He pulled himself out of bed before our alarm went off to set up this balloon, and some presents in the kitchen. I have to say, after 30 years of being single - waking up to such a wonderful scene was out of this world. Now onto the recovery...

Each day Will's phone rings and one of his family members is on the other end. At that point one of Will's siblings proceeds to ask him questions about his day, his past, a movie, a book, etc. This task is an exercise in memory. Lisa, Will's speech therapist, has encouraged us to work in this area, and Will's family has stepped up to the plate. They are hitting home runs because Will isn't annoyed at being quizzed in this way, and he loves interacting with them. They are truly his dear friends!

As for the rest of Will's days they are very productive. He spends a good amount of time doing projects around our condo, volunteering at Globus Relief and job shadowing with a neuro surgeon at the U. When he isn't doing these things, he has been listening to news radio, reading, studying, taking notes, cleaning out his email box and/or taking care of me at the end of the day :) Things are going very well. Please continue to pray for Will. He is a remarkable man and will bless the lives of many throughout his life.

Summer

ps feel free to call and quiz him, by calling his new iphone at (801) 541-5119

Stroke Anniversary

2009-02-01T20:34:00.000-08:00

This morning first thing Will said when we woke up was -- "it's February"... And I tried to figure out why that was so different from January and then he let me know it was a year ago today that he had the stroke. His whole life changed in a moment. Then come to find out, we were not the only ones to be pondering Will's year mark, as we sat around the table at Will's parents home, his mother wept in acknowledgement of the great miracles that have occurred since last year. She and Wally gave thanks openly to their ward today for all the service, kindness and charity the ward members had shown and continue to show. I echo those words and want to thank those back in Ohio as well for their continued concerns and prayers. Each prayer and act of love on your part has made a difference in Will's recovery. We will forever be in debt to you.

To bring you up to speed on his progress, I'll describe the scene in which I am presently a part of. I am blogging. Will is typing his plans for the week in his iPhone and emailing doctors he is shadowing with. Beside him sits his open computer with the dust pushed from the keys from consistent use in the past week. The speakers are set up with the computer for the first time in a year and he has had classical music playing for the last few days. Behind Will is a book shelf. He told me Friday he needed one to be able to organize his things. He spent a while yesterday nailing it together and already there are piles of papers and books for him to organize. Lisa, Will's speech therapist, has also seen marked improvement in the past few weeks.

Will is changing. He is living, not waiting to heal. We have a beautiful marriage. He makes me laugh everyday. He helps me with the dishes, cooks me dinner sometimes and does a lot of maintenance around the home. We visit friends and family. We went cross country skiing last week, and shopping this week. I am so grateful for such a wonderful husband. He is a miracle and on this his year anniversary our hearts are full of hope for his return to residency. Our faith that he will return continues to strengthen but in the meantime we're very happy.

Will's Symphony

2009-01-15T20:41:00.000-08:00

I’ll start with the nuts and bolts and then end with an analogy about Will’s recovery.

We visited with Dr. Edgely Wednesday, who decided to switch up Will’s medication from Dextroamphetamine to Ritlian. I imagine he was thinking Will may have built a tolerance to the Dextroamphetamine and now would be a good time to switch up the drug to another drug that will increase mental alertness and cognitive functioning. For now we are staying on Aricept as well. Dr. Edgely approved of Will’s daily routines of job shadowing, volunteering at Globus Relief and continued therapy. As well Dr. Edgely said he would talk to Dr. Milne, the doctor in charge of the residents, about setting job shadowing opportunities up at the University of Utah Hospital. As usual, Dr. Edgely remarked on Will’s extraordinary recovery in this process.

After Dr. Edgley’s we visited with his speech therapist, Lisa. As therapies Lisa suggested we keep up Will’s studies, which we do everyday. He studies in the morning I test him at night. She also encouraged Will to continue planning out his weeks and days. Which we do every Sunday on his iPhone. We set alarms for each activity. He loves it when the alarms go off in time for our workouts in the wee hours of the morning (not really). We plan to do a Triatholon this May. Last year our plans to run a Triatholon were rained out and everything but the run was canceled, so we did the run and Will did great! She thinks Will’s clarity of speech is coming along nicely and basically told him to “keep up the good work”

Now I’ll end with an analogy. I’m a violinst. I have played since I was three years old. While I became proficient at the violin quite early in life, the challenges to rise to new heights never ceased. As a teenager I played in the Utah Youth Symphony I had to learn to play with the other instruments, count in time with the other performers, and play in tune with the rest while watching the conductor. In a similar way Will is learning to rise to new heights. Our brains don’t work as one solo instrument. They work as many instruments, weaving melodies and harmonies into the patchwork of our lives. Independently, Will has regained his capacities to remember, speak clearly, initiate activities, carry on dialogues, and so on. Now, however, in the orchestra of life, Will is learning “to use” all of his regained abilities at the same time. It isn’t easy keeping up with the rest of the players, but he is rising to the challenge. It is remarkable to watch. Everyday is a new symphony.

Will's Bit...

2009-01-15T20:38:00.000-08:00

This is Will. I decided to write just a little to add to what my wife has said. It is true that I knew her for quite awhile before we got married. It's a shame we didn't get married sooner, but I'm definitely glad we are married now. You know by reading this I had a stroke. Fortunately I also had Summer. I think having her made the stroke bearable. Now that I'm on the mend I hope I can do something for her as well.

Will

Married Life

2009-01-15T20:31:00.001-08:00

Will and I are married, and I have become one of the authors to this blog, mostly because I spend everyday with him. First off I'll try to unlock the mystery behind our love story. I have known Will for five years, in that time we have dated seriously on and off. I admire no man more than Will and so when he had his stoke I came to see him. Whenever I was with him I felt a peace. A peace I had never felt before. After months of this feeling I realized there was something more to the relationship, something eternal.

We're now married. I feel like the luckiest girl on the earth. I call him my miracle. Not only because his life has been preserved, but because I am married to such a good man, one I can trust with everything I have and am. There world doesn't seem so daunting with him by my side. The next entries will be more about Will's health. I saw fit, however, to introduct my piece of this story, and look forward to interacting with those following this blog. Thank you for your love and support. It means more than you know to both Will and I.

Summer E. Clarke Blackhurst

Winter's Storm, Summer's Wind

2009-01-01T16:26:00.002-08:00

As many of you who have followed the blog know, I, Will's Mom, like to write poetry. Before the wedding, Summer approached me about doing some poetry for the luncheon. She suggested Elizabeth Barrett Brownings, "How do I Love Thee." My friend Nola VanWagenen, who accompanies my poetry on the violin, suggested the theme song to "Somewhere in Time" as background music. I thought they fit beautifully together.

I don't want to be compared to Browning, but I decided I needed to put into poetry some of my impressions of the year of the stroke as it pertained to Will and Summer. What I came up with I titled, "Winter's Storm, Summer's Wind." Nola heard it and immediately thought of "When You Walk Through a Storm Hold Your Head Up High...and You'll Never Walk Alone." It was the perfect song for the occasion. Thanks to all of you and your constant prayers in his behalf, Will has not been walking this difficult journey alone. I felt it would be appropriate to share with you the words to the poem. While Summer has been the wind, you have been spirit in the wind, the enabling power of grace, working behind the scenes to give both Will and Summer the strength, courage and determination to keep going.

Winter’s Storm and Summer’s Wind

When winter’s blast unleashed its cruel stroke,
And Will from thirty turned to be thirteen,
Much of his hope lay dead, yet there awoke
In him a realm made clean by suffering;
An inner kingdom in whose pathways ran
A heightened sensitivity to love,
A shredding of the carnal, natural man,
A wakening to insights from above.
It was a world where broken, wounded things
Intensified in him a wondrous awe,
Which wedded woundings to awakenings
As with new eyes he recognized and saw
Not but the surface, he beheld the depths.
He knew the pain and grief of sorrows born.
Unbidden tears welled up where once he’d slept
Unmindful of another’s cause to mourn,
Insensitive to open wounds which wept.
But now no more was kept from him the gift
To see another’s pain, and know of ways to lift.
Will’s stroke has grown in him that Flowing Fount
On whom all men rely for hope to rise;
Its Living Waters navigated mounts whose storms
Would sunder souls, and claim captivity the fate of their fair prize.
Will’s soul was rescued from captivity
As someone dear to him unleashed a surging gale,
A mighty wind whose hopes and humorous cheers,
Like to a billows, now blows out the folds of his deflated sails
And makes once more his destination clear.
It is the wind of love which fans the flame
Of one small candle yearning to burn bright.
A Summer wind, whose warmth and empathy
For Will’s ischemic stroke, diffuses in its wake both truth and light
Against the night of Will’s Gethsemane.
Will’s stroke brought Summer’s angel to his side,
As breath of mercy, warm with radiant beams.
Now is she his, his helpmeet and his bride,
The sweet fulfillment of his fondest dreams.
We who beheld this tale of love unfold,
Did with our eyes a miracle behold.

2009-01-01T16:26:00.001-08:00

Wedding Day Jitters

2009-01-01T15:33:00.000-08:00

Will's goal of getting married on December 30th came within a hair's breath of being foiled. He and his fiance were at the temple in plenty of time, but they had come without their temple recommends and marriage license. They thought the had them with them. They knew they had them somewhere. But where? What to do?

They called Summer's brother Dell and asked him to comb Summer's apartment. He did, but to no avail. He said a prayer and kept looking. Still no luck. He finally decided to get in his car and go to the place Summer had gone when she left her apartment. As he was driving out, he noticed some papers on the ground. He ran over them, thought, "could those be the documents I'm looking for?" He backed over them again and got out of his car to examined them closely. They were the very things he was looking for, riddled with tire marks and clearly the worse for wear, but also clearly identifyable. Summer had put them on top of the car for safe keeping as she was loading other things, forgotten that they were there, had gotten in the car, and driven off.

Once he had brushed them off, Dell called Summer, who was in the temple just a bit above panic mode. She heaved a huge sigh of relief at his good news and passed the word on to Will, who was outwardly remaining calm but inwardly going berzerk. The word that Dell had found the papers and would be on his way to the temple post haste, was enough to get them both out of range of cardiac arrest. Dell made it in time for the ceremony to proceed with only a minor delay. We are happy to report that things went somewhat smoother after that.

The people at the temple who received the documents looked at them like this was nothing. They had seen much worse. Apparently wedding day jitters are not all that uncommon among people who are tying the knot, not only for time, but for all eternity. A journey of that magnitude could understandably be taken with a bit of faltering on the first step.

Off the Plateau

2008-12-13T15:33:00.000-08:00

Will , who had been on a plateau for a while, has been making some good progress recently. He has been working for a humanitarian firm called Globus Relief International in the shipment of medical supplies to devastated areas. His work there is very demanding and his boss is very excited to have someone who is so versed in medical terminology on the team.

He is also working in the Bountiful Temple on Saturdays. He works in the temple cafeteria where all the ladies love him. I know because they call to make sure he is coming. When I assure them he was on his way, they were very happy to hear it. He left one morning before the snow plows were out. It was a scary thing to watch him slip-sliding his way up the ice hill, but he seemed up to braving the storm. It seems to be something he does very well these days.

In our speech therapy sessions, he has been showing remarkable recall. I had him choose a favorite tongue twister and he chose a couple that we hadn’t done since August. (They were not my favorites so I completely dropped them.) I was absolutely flabbergasted when he came out with Fanny Finch fried five floundering fish for Francis Fowler’s father and Does Moses suppose his toes were a rose? When I remember the first time he spoke a sentence in Ohio that I could understand, "Mom, do you have a two?" (We were playing Go Fish.) I realize how far he has come.

His executive function is also kicking in. He bore his testimony in church on Sunday. (The last testimony meeting he would be eligible for the young single’s ward before they kicked him out for being over thirty.) The bishop commented on what a beautiful spirit it brought into the meeting. His fiance, Summer, told me it was short and centered in Christ and all the other testimonies afterward reflected the influence of Will’s testimony.

As the day of the wedding approaches, we are seeing more and more restoration. My prayer currently is for stamina. Will still needs a lot of sleep and the idea of him being able to stay awake and alert for 30 hours straight is still pretty daunting.

Update

2008-11-13T12:49:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since we posted on Will's progress so I thought I would share with you some of the things that have been happening. Progress is being made in the two critical areas of recovery: 1- Executive Function and 2- Memory.

As far as memory goes, Will has good recall of events of yesterday and plans for the immediate future. His medical memory remains at a very high level. He gave us a very excellent review of the molecular structure of Omega 3's and Omega 6's around the lunch table the other day.

In Executive Function, he has pretty much taken over his own finances. He keeps an excellent journal and structures his days very responsibily. However, he still tires easily and his speech is slurred when he's tired.

We have decided to remove all timetable expectations pertaining to his residency. When he does return he will return as a PGY1 (Post Graduate Year One). Residency years begin July 1st, so he could possibly go back as early as this July or a year from July, or later. He was disappointed that he would not be able to count the first seven months of his residency, but grateful that he could return when he was ready.

He continues to job shadow a family practice physician on Wednesdays and a neuro surgeon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. He also works in the temple every other Saturday. His spirits are good. His fiance is largely responsible for this. She is his best therapist as well as his best friend.

We are keeping in close contact with the physicians at Riverside Methodist Hospital in Columbus and appreciate their expertise and counsel as we address new issues raised by changes in the ungoing saga of Will's recovery.

Medical History Form

2008-10-08T10:26:00.000-07:00

Will has been asked to write more detailed histories of the patients he sees in the clinic of the family practice doctor he is job shadowing. Because his stroke affected his language skills, he continues to struggle expressing himself with verbal and written language. A form has been created to assist him with medical history taking which could probably use some help.

A SAMPLE HISTORY FORM

1- Patient’s Name_____________
2- Patient’s Age______________
3- Patient’s Blood Pressure______
4- Patient’s Weight__________Height_____
5- Patient’s Temperature_______________
6- Patient’s Signs and symptoms__________
7-Allergies__________________________
8- Medications_______________________
9- Past Pertinent History ________________
10- Events Leading to the problem _________
11- Problem_________________________
12- Diagnosis_________________________
13- Prescriptions and/or procedures_________

Any insights or resources on taking medical histories would be greatly appreciated.

Cardiovascular Follow Up

2008-10-08T10:07:00.000-07:00

Tuesday Will and went to his follow-up Cardio appointment with Dr. Michaels at the University of Utah. Before meeting with the doctor, he had an echo-cardiogram and an electrocardiograph. These images showed his closure looking secure and well healed and he has been given the green light to go ahead and play racket ball, football and any other sport he wants to. He is officially off Plavix, but will be on a daily dose of Ecotrin, ( baby aspirin) for the rest of his life.

While there, Dr. Efstratiadis was so impressed with the progress Will has made in the past six months, he called a physician in the Internal Medicine Department to see if Will could job shadow in that department while preparing to return to his residency in Ohio. It turned out the person who makes these decisions was out of town and wouldn’t be back for a couple of weeks, but it was kind of Dr. Efstratiadis to make the call and offer to follow up on it.

In the mean time Will's speech therapist, Lisa, from Sugarhouse Rehab, is being brought back on board to help with speech and cognitive therapy. Will is beginning the fourth and final quarter of the year following the stroke. He is anxious to do everything he can to make the remaining months in which recovery is said to be the fastest, as productive as possible.

Meeting with Dr. Edgley

2008-10-03T11:12:00.000-07:00

Thursday Oct. 2nd was Will’s latest meeting with Dr. Edgley. There were four of us cramped into a very small examining room: Summer and Will and Wally and I. Summer kept the conversation light and lively while we waited the interminably long time for Dr. Edgley to saunter in. The meeting was the most encouraging yet. He was very congratulatory about Will and Summer's engagement, which was comforting to Summer. She was afraid they were going to be told to hold their horses and back up a bit. They were taking this all a little too fast!

For those of you who haven't heard already, the wedding date is set for Dec. 30th in the Salt Lake Temple. A reception at the Bountiful Central Stake Center is planned for later that evening. You are all invited to the reception. Summer is a wonderful girl, the proverbial blue-eyed-blond. She and Will are the same age. They both served missions in Argentina. They have been friends for five years. In the face of Will's stroke, Summer has been a beacon of light, a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark and frightening world. We can't say in words what Summer means to us or how blessed we feel to have this angel of mercy sweeping in with open arms cheering, blessing and brightening Will's life. It has been her private errand to keep Will's spirits high and she has done an amazing job.

Marriage was one of the four goals Will had expressed a desire to achieve on his first meeting with Dr. Edgley. The first goal was to be normal. The second one was to get his driver's license. The third one was to get a job, and the fourth one was to get married. Happily Dr. Edgley encouraged Will to go forward with his life focusing on two things: his job with Globus Relief International and preparing for the Step III exam. When he gets these two things under his belt, I am hoping things will be pretty much back to normal and he can return to his residency.

Later in the day I cornered Dr. Ward and asked him about Will’s job shadowing. (Will has been job shadowing Dr. Ward, a family practice doctor, every Wednesday for the past few weeks.) He said Will needs to do much more detailed histories. Will’s were about one-third the length they need to be. This is definitely something that needs to be addressed. I hope he picks up the ball and runs with it. I would like to put Dr. Ward at ease about this.

Friday Will and Summer went off together to get their portraits taken for their wedding announcement. Will was sporting a bright yellow tie to match Summer’s golden hair. They are thinking of Ohio or Park City for the Honey Moon. I am thinking this is going all too fast. Will’s next appointment with Dr. Edgley will be as a married man. YOWSER!!!

Speech Therapy

2008-09-06T10:03:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, Will's formal therapies were discontinued some time ago because they were either deemed unnecessary or non-productive. After a while, it became clear to me that they were still necessary and needed to be re-instated. I decided to try speech therapy. The exercises included breathing exercises for projection, lip rounders for precise articulation, jaw droppers for strengthening the soft pallet and opening up the throat, tongue twisters for clarity of vowels and consonants, and humming for head resonance and volume.

As we began these exercises, I pretended I was a therapist to one of Hollywood's brightest and most shining stars, having Will say such things as , "How now brown cow!" and "a big black bug bit a big black bear." It was fun and I was pleased to see that Will was entering into the spirit of the therapies. He did them for sustained periods of time and with some effort and it wasn't long before I was noticing that it was making a difference, not only with his voice, but also with mine. These were therapies that worked!!!

A statement of a friend whose brother had suffered a stroke prompted the reinstatement of these therapies. She said. "My brother recovered all but his left arm and that was because he refused to do the therapies that were given him for that." It was a haunting statement because I thought, "if Will always speaks with a slur because he never got the speech therapy he needed, I will feel personally responsible. I teach Elocution. I should have the resources at my fingertips. I should be his therapist." As soon as I took ownership of this phase of his recovery, I remembered where the resources were and went to work.

In one of the notes by one of the exercises it said, "the voice muscles need to be exercised just like the leg muscles if they are to become strong and perform their proper function." Will's stroke knocked out his ability to swallow. His tongue, throat, and lips were frozen in a type of paralysis similar to my friend's brother's arm. It made perfect sense that Will's speaking muscles would need to be worked on, exercised and strengthened if they were to regain full function. Teddy Bruschi had physical therapists to help him reclaim his acumen as a foot-ball star, Will had his mom. Neither man had been left without resources for recovery.

Currently I am looking for some exercises that might help with the return of Executive Function. This is the part of the brain that causes a person to initiate behaviors. It is located in the frontal lobes and is one of the highest forms of reasoning; a demonstration of a person's will. Leaders of men have lots of Executive Function. Will acquired a great deal of it while he was a missionary in Argentina. I know he can gain it back with some help and effort.

In as much as many of you are people of faith, I want you to know that your fasting and prayers have enabled him to perform at an amazing level of 83% over all in his first neuro-psyche exam, a fete which is nothing short of miraculous. Humbly and with a sense of great indebtedness, I am asking you to please pray specifically for Will's ability to reclaim his Executive Function. It is such a critical part of the recovery.

June through August Summary

2008-09-03T21:13:00.000-07:00

From my observation, Will made huge progress in interpersonal interactions during the summer. It began as he got very involved with his nephew Simon and with Summer's nieces and nephews. He entered into more conversations with his siblings about the time Chris returned from Brazil and Lizzie visited from New York City (last half of July). He now initiates conversations, ask questions, comments on the responses, and keeps the conversation alive.

I discussed this with Dr. Mayer on July 29th. At that time, Will had met with Dr. Mayer 8 times but had never opened up to him. The usual patient would have become a non-stop talker by that point in therapy. Dr. Mayer offered some possible explanations: (1) An interaction with a child may be less demanding than one with an adult, so Will more readily enters into it. (2) Will may have neurological (brain circuits don't work right) difficulty in forming sentences to make a conversation. (3) Will may have psychological reasons (a motive) not to talk with people, so they wouldn't find out how broken he thought he was. At the end of July, Dr. Mayer was leaning toward the neurological explanation, but wasn't sure.

Yesterday Dr. Mayer said he thought that Will's deficit in brain executive function was definitely neurological, and that the tests showed that the whole brain was affected; there was no localization to one side or the other. He also mentioned that Will had begun to open up to him in their most recent sessions.

Neuropsychological Evaluation

2008-09-03T19:37:00.000-07:00

On August 25th and 26th Dr. Mayer administered the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale III IQ test to Will. He adminstered all the subtests, including the optional ones. The final report isn't yet done, but Dr. Mayer shared his preliminary findings with us yesterday.

Here they are at a high level:

Will's basic intelligence is intact.
On timed tests, Will's accuracy was 100% or nearly so, but his speed was very slow.
Will currently has deficits in most types of memory, but not all.
Will is currently weak in the executive function of the brain.

Some additional observations:

Will scored in the percentile range of 80 to 91 on many conceptual and analytical subtests. This is compared to the total population his age. If the test were normed to all people who had completed medical school, his percentile scores would have been lower.
In tests where speed was a factor, Will scored below the 10th percentile. Removing the adjustment for speed would have put those scores in the percentile range of 30 to 50. My own speculation is that Will thought this evaluation was important and cared about the results, so he chose to optimize on accuracy and to let timings be what they may. He may never have thought of balancing speed and accuracy.

The Stroop test is an example. There is a long list of words that are the names of colors (the names of only 4 colors are used). Each name of a color is printed in a colored font. The color of the font is always different from the color described by the word. I.e., the word 'Blue' is always printed in red, or green, or tan type. The first time through you say the words. (If the word is 'Blue' you say 'blue.') The second time through you say the color of the font. (If the word 'Blue' is printed in red, you say 'red.') The first time through Will did well. The second time he only got halfway through the list in the alloted time. But in that time he only made one mistake.

Dr. Mayer talked about 7 or 8 types of memory:

Long-term: The adage for this one is "First learned, most rehearsed, last lost." Long-term memory is usually not affected by a stroke, and this is true for Will.
Short-term: This is working memory and is important to attention and concentration. Will scored quite high in this area and got corresponding high marks in attention and concentraton.
Aural/Verbal and Visual: Not so high. Will has a learning curve, which means he improves with repetition, but his learning curve is not as steep as for most people, i.e., his rate of improvement with repetition is lower.
Immediate and Delayed: Not so high. Immediate is being able to tell a story back right after he's heard it. Delayed is being able to tell it back after 30 minutes filled with other activities. When telling a story back, Will does well in relating appropriate story themes, but not so well in including the details.
Episodic: This is being able to relate your experiences. [I don't remember the evaluation of this one. This might be part of long-term memory.]
Prospective: Not so high. This is remembering what you plan to do.

Prospective memory is related to the brain's executive function, but is not the same thing. Prospective memory is keeping a task or goal in mind. Executive function is figuring out how to do it and then making yourself do it. Will currently has deficits in both.

Guitar Lessons

2008-08-03T15:53:00.000-07:00

Friday Aug. 1st saw Will at the home of Sherrae Phelps, a young mother who teaches guitar lessons. He brought with him a book of campfire songs and his guitar. A few nights earlier he had totally wowed his audience with his full throated vocal versions of "Swing Lo, Sweet Chariot," and "When the Saints Come Marching In." It was concluded that if he could rock out that well to these gospel songs what might he do with them and a guitar? According to Sherrae, he did very well. All of his self-taught guitar strumming came back and she was able to give him some pointers on some of the specific songs in the campfire book. The benefit of music in stroke recovery has been well documented and we are hoping that the combination of singing and strumming will pack a particularly powerful punch.

Driver's License Renewal

2008-08-03T15:35:00.000-07:00

Thursday July 31st saw Will at the DMV applying for a renewal of his driver’s license. He got there just fine and then remembered he had forgotten Dr. Edgley’s letter giving him permission to go ahead with the renewal. After conferencing with Mom, it was decided he would continue filling out forms while she went out to the car and called home for a backup to bring the letter. Three sisters volunteered. Will then remember he had forgotten his contacs which he would need to pass the eye test. Fortunately he knew where the contacs were and his sisters had not left home with the letter, so the problem was easily remedied. Once Will was in possession of the forgotten items, he aced the eye test and the written exam, took a nice photo, and walked out of the DMV legally licensed. Hurrah!!! (By the way, he passed the written exam with 23 out of 25.) GO WILL!!!!

Crossing the I-Beam

2008-07-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have been wondering what has happened to the Blackhursts? Why haven't they been postings on the blog? Has Will been making in any progress? Has he reached any new milestones? The answer is that progress is being made. Will's speech is becoming more amplified and less slurred. His short-term memory is coming back and his spirits are improving. He has been approved for getting his driver's license back.

The first time he took the test he passed with an 85, but was not granted his license. The second time he took it, his score was a 91. This was deemed acceptable. He grateful for the return of this priviledge which will be useful as he continues his pursuit of job opportunities. He has applied for a number of positions in the medical field, but has not received a specific offer yet. While he is waiting for that, there have been plenty of things going on at home.

Will's younger brother Chris returned from his mission to Brazil on the 18th of July. His sister Lizzie arrived four days later on the 22nd from New York, bringing her baby Simon, and whole family came together again for the first time in three and a half years.

Will is the oldest and has watched over the flock like a tender shepherd from day one, so he has been pretty animated about these reunions . As long as your have your family, you have everything that's truly important.

There is healing in togetherness and we have witnessed that as we have caught glimpses of the old Will surfacing. We have seen it in his eyes that have become brighter and more twinkly, in his speech that is more full throated and animated, in his prayers which have been more thoughtful and reflective, and in his humor which has been filled with mirth mingled with memory. Little children seen to be especially capable of evoking responses from him that suggest a full and complete recovery.

In a recent conversation with his Rehab Doctor, Steven Edgley, Will asked him the question, "What motivated you to get back to your residency after you had your stroke?" Dr. Edgley replied, "There were two things. One was all the time and effort I had put into getting through medical school. I didn't want all that work to be wasted. The other one was I had a wife and children. I wanted to be able to provide for them."

Discovering what it is that you will cross the I-Beam for is a very critical component in the healing process. For Will, as for Dr. Edgley, the answer seems to be found in the family.
Posted by Mom

Insights Into the Neuro-Psyche Exam

2008-07-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

In his Tuesday visit with Dr. Mayer on July 22nd, Will asked some questions regarding the upcoming neuro-psyche exam. Happily, Dr. Mayer was open to sharing with him the main areas of focus in this assessment which Will is scheduled to take on the 25th and 26th of August. This time frame was chosen because it will give Will an opportunity to get back into speech therapy during September, should he need further assistance.

The exam is broken up into segments dealing with Attention, Concentration, and Memory. Memory is broken down into Visual memory, Auditory memory, Delayed memory, Recall and Recognition. They also test Executive Function to see if the frontal lobe has been affected in its ability to stay on task and deal with distractions such as starting and stopping. There is also an assessment of Verbal function including amplitude of the voice, Perceptual function and Motor function. Mood and coping styles are also analyzed. Strengths are assessed with an eye to using those strengths to help compensate for any weaknesses that may be noted.

To help Will prepare to take this exam, Dr. Mayer suggested we work on Semantic memory (recalling the Presidents of the United States etc.) Episodic memory (what did you have for lunch yesterday.) And Prospective memory (what are your appointments for tomorrow.) He also encouraged him to keep up his journal writing and to work on getting those words that are on the tip of his tongue out of the files and onto the air waves.

Will has some significant work ahead of him, but the time table for executing it seems manageable. For those of you who are following his progress, we make mention of this exam in some detail because of the importance of it. The results of this exam will be heavily weighed in terms of assessing the impact of the stroke on Will's abilities to perform the work of a doctor. If you are still remembering him in your prayers, we would ask that you specifically mention this exam and his ability to perform it well.
Posted by Mom