My life

Well, its sometimes hard to know what to blog about. I think my principle purpose is to talk about me and my progress back to getting a normal job and life. I guess thats why this is called my Recovery blog. On the other hand, I also like to talk about Benjamin, since he is my only son and he is so cute. I guess I'll just have to spend a little time talking about both.

First, my progression on the job front. Right now I'm spending three mornings a week at the Maliheh Free Clinic which is a clinic for the poor. I mostly translate there. I spend five afternoons a week at the CVRTI which is the Cardiovascular Research and Training Institute at the University of Utah. On Thursday and every other Tuesday night I have a radiology tech course which I'm taking at the DATC. On Monday and Wednesday mornings I apply for jobs. I guess I'm pretty busy. Hopefully something will come of it soon.

Now, as far as Benjamin is concerned, he is just such a cute little guy. He is now about seven weeks old and was ten pounds last time he was weighted. He's a pretty good boy, and mostly obedient. Well, okay, he really can't be disobedient yet. Anyway, he's cute. Last week we went up to Beus pond in Ogden and took him for a little stroll. We also dressed him up for Halloween.

Time is….

…a whirlwind right now. I don't know if it's going too fast or slowing down. Being a new mom is out of this world. Between little sleep, recovering from the delivery and spending so much of my day caring for Benjamin- emotionally, physically, mentally I'm being pushed to really focus and learn to keep life and baby balanced.

Since this blog is not Summer's Blabbers Blog, I'll move on to the comparison - we are in the midst of "pushing" Will. On top of all the clinic work, lab work, and school work -- Will is still applying for residency, jobs, and studying for Step 3. This schedule is bringing added focus and organization into Will's recovery that he has not had prior.  He is doing great. I continue to see recovery in Will week to week. He is remembering names and details more than he ever has.  It's fun to see improvement after such a length of time.

However, despite all of this recovery/work/effort, Will is still unemployed. There are plenty of reasons why Will could hang up his gloves and quit trying at this point, it's been two and a half years and he has still not had a break in the career arena.  He has been told that he is not going to get any better and that most of the stroke recovery happens in the first year. But as you can guess, we don't believe we are as far as we are going to get in terms of his recovery. We won't believe that he can't be a doctor. So we'll continue to write in this blog and time will continue to roll forward at whatever pace it needs to in order for Will to achieve what he is dreaming. So keep with us on our journey because we're getting to the good part, and in the meantime enjoy the photos of the cutest little guy (and bigger guy) you've ever seen.

Summer

ps I know it is Will's time to blog but he's awful busy and I didn't want too much time to pass without updating the blog.

Things are picking up

Forgive me if this entry is shorter than usual (Actually, you'll probably be thanking me that it is shorter in contrast to the novels I usually write). But I have just a minute before our baby, Benjamin David, wakes up. As you've guessed Will and I are the proud parents of a little boy. He was born Saturday night, weighing 7 lbs 9 ounces. He is healthy and strong and everything a parent could dream of. Sweet and quiet, a disposition much more like his dad than like his mothers. What luck ;)

Well the purpose for this entry is to complain. O I mean give thanks. I don't know what the purpose of this entry is other than I am a full fledged mother-- tittering around the home trying to figure out how to take care of a tiny human being and Will is not around. He is swamped with work (unpaid but great for preparing him for a good career). Will works at a free clinic in the mornings, as a lab technician in the afternoons and at nights attends classes to get a limited practice license in preforming Xrays. In his free moments-- which are few and far between--- he is applying for jobs, residency and preparing for his upcoming class.

This crazy schedule is just what the doctor ordered for returning Will to his pre-stroke capabilities. Really I imagine he'll have a lot more capabilities once he has picked up a few more trades along the way to becoming a doctor.   He is doing wonderful. He has changed his doctor emphasis from internal medicine to radiology (a much more family friendly practice). Hopefully we'll dig up some interviews from residencies around the country in the coming months. If not well try again next year.  Thanks again for following our story!

Summer

Scofield

Last weekend Summer and I went on a trip down to Scofield. Scofield, for those of you who don't know, is located about two hours south of Salt Lake. It's a nice little town on the edge of a lake. We, however, didn't actually go there. We went to a friends cabin which was actually quite a ways away and in the middle of no where. I guess it was still part of Scofield, but it was definitely out of the way.

We went there with our friend Matt and his wife and two other couples, one of which included Matt's sister. We went on Friday night. It was labor day weekend and so most of our group was going to stay until Monday, but we decided to go back home on Saturday night.

Anyway, are activities included riding ATVs, fishingand paintball shooting. Most of this happened on Saturday, after we had gotten a good nights rest. The ATVs were fun. I had never ridden on one before, but it certainly wasn't hard to figure out. I went out several times including once or twice with Summer. Unfortunately (or fortunately I guess) Summer, due to the pregnancy, felt better driving because she could stand up more easily when we were going over rough patches.

On Saturday afternoon we went out to the "lake" and fished. I put lake in quotation marks because it wasn't a lake. It was a pond, but lake sounds better when your telling your friends about it. Anyway, it was big enough to canoe on, and there was a thing in the middle that you could just sit and fish on. I cast in my line several times (it was legal because the pond was owned by Matt's father and so I didn't need a license) and reeled in several times, but caught only some sea weed. Apparently it was too early in the afternoon to really hope to catch anything. It was fun though, and a nice way to relax.

In the evening before dinner Matt invited the boys to go paint-balling so the four of us headed out while our wives cooked up some fixings. We drove to a wooded place and got ready. We divided into teams. Matt and I on one and the other two on the other. Then we went our separate ways and at the appropriate signal began approaching each other with the intent to shoot. We of course had on our camouflage and our protective helmets so that we couldn't actually hurt one another. Unfortunately one of the guns malfunctioned and wouldn't shoot, then another gun did the same thing. Turns out they wereout of compressed air which is necessary to propel the ammo. Mine wasn't one of those guns but I gladly gave it up so that one of the other guys could have a good gun. We then had a one-on-one competition and then went home to have some grilled chicken.

After dinner Summer and I took off for home. It was a nice trip and we were both glad that we went.

As far as pregnancy goes we are hoping that all will go well and counting down the weeks until Summer's due. Right now were at two and a half. I've also got a position at a lab at the U which I am starting soon. Its not payed right now, but it could be in the future. Finally this Thursday I will start taking a radiology class which will go until the end of the year.

Pneumonia

I know it's not a fun word.   Especially if the word is a description of your husband's health at the present moment.  Two weeks ago Will came down with a cold that turned into lots of grumpiness.  Will is a pretty even tempered guy so when he was supposedly over his cold but continued to be easily irritated I should have suspected something was up but instead -- wife (that's me)  was not happy with him.  Finally after a night of  Will coughing, I swallowed my pride and thought maybe he should see a doctor. A few hours later I get the call-  Will had cancelled his volunteering at the Maliheh Clinic and Temple for that day and told me he was coming home to sleep. After an Xray the doctor confirmed that Will had Pneumonia. I am eight months pregnant so I immediately called my doctor to see how concerned I should be for our baby's health. He thought since I did not already have it-- I would probably not get it. So luckily I did not have to ban myself to another place to stay for this past week.

I know that I have covered a wide range of healing that happens through the stroke process. Today I want to cover a different type of healing--- I will call it "continuous hope healing."  Just when it feels like we're going to get a break --something happens.  The nuero pysch test that we were sure would come back with flying colors of Will's progress (because this is what I have observed)  still pointed towards some bumps in the road to Will becoming a doctor.  At this point I could go into justification for why the test was wrong and why Will is farther ahead than stated in the test, or even that in the last two and a half years he has yet to be given a real life opportunity (a job or schooling) that could bring him "all the way" back up to speed so of course he can't be "all the way" better.  But instead of hopping on that soap box I want to say- It's hard. It is hard to keep up hope, we are running up against so many walls. In a perfect world someone would have championed Will's cause and given him every possible opportunity to succeed instead of fail-- allowing him to make the necessary mistakes to regain all of his pre-stroke capacities. This is the brain here. It is very elastic and very capable of the healing -  but without opportunities to grow progress is slower!

Through tears I can't tell you how many times I have thought "This is not fair!"  Will deserves so much more. He is capable of so much. So if dealing with Will's stroke rehabilitation  and pneumonia wasn't enough-- I have been presented with my own challenges, personal attacks, financial stresses, and  a feeling of total inadequacy that in less than six weeks -- broken hearted and afraid-- I am going to bring a child into this world.   I know my story is one of millions. O the heartbreak so many have felt. The fear and the despair. But this can't be the end all be all. I don't think we are here on this earth to suffer and then suffer more. I know we  are not. For out of our greatest trials come our greatest blessings-- my marriage to Will was only possible because he had a stroke. Another trial has been sacrificing my job, my condo (which is rented out currently), and other things worldly comforts to have and raise this child at home-- I don't think I will ever regret these trials (experiences). If I can get to any point in this blog entry it would be that Gratitude is the source of "continuous hope healing" if we lose hope, we lose everything. I am learning to be grateful for what we do have and not look back at what we have lost.

If you've made it to the end of this blog entry AKA novel -- you've accomplished much. As usual we are grateful for your support and thank you for your continued prayers and readership.  May you find much to be grateful for today-- that is my prayer :)

Sincerely,

Summer

ps I've posted a picture of my wonderful hubby and I and another picture of my big ole belly that I am carrying around lately ;)  Wilson's health is great!  We are down to six weeks and I am starting to see the doctor every week.

pps I wanted to plug my new blog www.SummerImage.com and website  (I'm a stay at home photographer and writer) and also my sister-in-law's wonderful blog on raising children and exercise.

ppps  Sorry I am terrible at every day details-- Will is looking for jobs, applying for residency and recently signed up  for a class on Radiology Technology -- to get a limited liscense certificate to be able to do Xrays come December.

Caring for kids

This past week Dale, Summer's oldest brother, went on a trip with his wife to Austria. He went there to play with the symphony he is part of. He left four children behind and strict instructions to take care of them while he was absent. His children include Jessica, who is the eldest, followed by Shalice, then Braden, the only boy, and last of all Rachel who is still quite little and hasn't learned how to talk yet. We had the privilege of taking the first watch with the children.

This began Sunday afternoon. I remember I was kind of tired and so, after I had taken Dale and Amy to the airport I went to sleep for a while. Well I wanted to. I couldn't though, and that was probably fine.

On Monday one of the cool things we did was that Braden and I went on a bike ride to Braden's elementary school. It actually wasn't too far away, nor was it a very difficult ride, but it was nice to see that he knew how to get there, and that he knew how to ride his bike. In the evening we had a nice FHE where we talked about some of the stuff in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet provided to us by Jessica.

On Tuesday I was gone at the Maliheh clinic for most of the day. Fortunately nothing drastic happened while I was away. In the evening we played Skip-bo among other things.

On Wednesday we packed up the kids and drove them up to Grandma's and Grandpa's. Summer and I then made a quick trip over to the hospital for a checkup on Wilson (who is doing very well). When we got back we found that Grandma and Grandpa had stolen the kids, but fortunately they were returned safe and sound later that day.

Now on another note. I'm doing well. I'm working towards residency, and much of the other time these days is spent pursing an interim career of some sort for me. I'm looking for a job that involves my medical training, hopefully I will be able to find something like that soon.

Another thing that I have done recently was put in a new microwave above our stove including adding a new outlet in the cupboards above. I also got those bathroom cabinets in. I think we talked about them a few weeks ago when I mentioned the leak I created, but I don't know if I have included a picture.

Testing & Trials

I am going to open the door "just a little" into our lives for a minute, as I might with a close friend. I hope by doing this it might let you know our gratitude for your support. Will received his third installment of nueropsych results. We have tested him every year about this time. The test outlines different cognitive abilities and deficits. Specifically dealing with memory, appearance, processing speed and so on. Because Will has moved past so many deficits, the test was only a couple hours. (Last year it was a day and the year before it was two days). It is critical, however, for us to be able to "erase" all the deficits, to be able to move on to be a doctor-- for in this career field it is life or death, no room for error. Because we are admits the making of many decisions and have many decision makers making decisions I have to keep our cards close.  But generally speaking, you can already guess from the title of this blog that recovery is still happening, so all is not erased.

Will is coping with the reality that after two and a half years he has yet to regain his dream of becoming a doctor (and still having to deal with the medical school debt as if he were a doctor). When Will and I first decided to marry, that decision came under intense scrutiny-- whether my intentions were real, or Will's stroke was too great a burden to share, or whether he understood the marriage commitment at that point in his recovery… whatever it was - we were under fire. During that time of trial, the year following his stroke, things changed.  We had dated on and off for years, but it was when I saw him face this Goliath, of losing so much and still turning to the Lord - I knew I could trust this guy with my life. I share this experience with you to let you know, my love for Will has grown this week. He is facing this time, like a true champion. He has continued to turn to the Lord and make right decisions.  What more could I ask for in a husband. I am so grateful for him.

Meanwhile, we are both learning more than I thought physically/spiritually possible. Lessons like, what really matters in this life, why is there so much suffering, how long are we called to bear great burdens, and so on. Not that we know the answers to these questions, rather we know that there are answers and the answer has everything to do with our Lord's great love for his children. Somehow the Lord's power and love can find a home into the hearts of those who mourn, and those who suffer. That love is what matters in this life, if everything were taken away from us- and that love was all that remained, than that would be enough. Luckily, however, we have been given so much more...

Below is a picture of one of my best friends and I. I am due at the end of September, Boni is due at the end of October. This is a fun pic because for Boni, after five years of trying to have children doctors told her she would never have children of her own-- well one adoption and two pregnancies later-- she is one happy mother.  Meanwhile, I was single and wanted a family too. We both got our greatest desires.

This is a pic of Will celebrating the 4th of July with my nephews by sitting in a helicopter.

Will preforming the Hungarian Dance by Brahms at my 93-year-old grandpa's Fathers Day celebration.

This is our crib we've set up two and a half months early.  We are soooo excited to be parents!  I have to keep telling Will it's too early to put the car seat in ;)

And of course a picture of Will and I on one of our many adventures.