I'll start with the News...

...and end with some thoughts. I know kind of a change/switch for me. Will did not hear back from residencies in the match this year so he decided to try for the scramble... also a no go.  We are back to the drawing boards again.  We have done a lot of drawing the past few years--- I'm sure we'll just have to draw residency into the picture next year :)  On the news story front-- Will took a four hour test to get his limited scope radiology license, we will find out in a few weeks if he passed.  I am assuming he did well, he seemed to know a lot of answers I would have never been able to answer and he finished in three and a half hours, instead of four. Also news, less significant, but news nonetheless. Will gave is last Toastmaster's speech and is moving on to full time studying regime with his dad, instead of using that time to prepare speeches. In February Will taught a lesson in his Elder's Quorum (church class) one week and the next he gave a talk to the ward (church congregation). He did really well on all three of his public appearances. His thinking/presentation abilities are really a lot quicker and more cohesive than they used be. His presentation abilities are progressing towards a "doctor" range-- you know lots of problem solving and evaluating in just a few moments than articulating a solution in a five minute doctors apt. News that does not pertain to Will's recover but you may be interested in--- Ben's six month birthday is today!!! We had a big party and ate all of his pie without him ;)  His developmental milestones include sitting up and babbling. Mostly "Ba, Ba" with a couple of "Ma, Ma's and Da, Da's" mixed in. My ankle is almost better -- I can do some exercise but was sad to find out, after a run the other day, I would not be able to do more intense exercise for awhile longer :(

OK way too much news.  Now onto what I do best. Jabber! What I want to share was inspired by a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) support class I attended. Will was too busy studying for his Radiology License Exam, so I went alone.  I was interested to see if I could glean some tips on "speeding up" his continued recovery. However, most of the topic matter was centered on organizing the piles of medical bills that come up in the early or chronic periods of recovery- ie, when you're visiting multiple doctors for rehab a week.  We are slowly putting all our bills to rest. It was just a few months ago I took our insurance company off my "free favorite callers list" (the past two years I spoke with insurance agents a few hours a week). So even though I did not glean information about on how to speed things up for Will, I walked away with something much better...

At the TBI meeting their were individuals and their caregivers, with a variety of brain injuries. There was one other who had a stroke, and the others had been involved in some car, horse or falling accidents.  Just like us, they had to deal with something very unexpected.  Loss of career, loss of independence, and loss of ability. For the caregivers- it was loss of income, loss of "the husband they married" or loss of "the child the knew," etc... Loss is the key word. It seems to me that these types of injuries are more about loss than it they are about dealing with change. Can you imagine- being an aspiring doctor, lawyer, dentist, teacher, etc... one day and then your dream/career being gone the next. Now in place of those dreams you need someone to help you walk or remember to check your messages.  More than confusion caused by the injury, I could see the individuals at the meeting felt angry, sad, and even panicked. My heart went out to them.  Most of them were in situations far more difficult than Will and I.

As I left the meeting, however, in the place of sorrow, I felt a greater love.  Where would we be without each other. I can't imagine Will getting near as far as he has without his parents and siblings. I can't imagine us getting near as far without my family and his family. I love them more than ever.  And even though there are times when we are besides ourselves with grief and hurt one another, our faith and love brings us back. More than ever I believe that Will can be healed. Without family we are badly handicapped, and with them we can do anything. Just watch and see....

Summer

Some recent projects

I think that Summer has written the last few times so I guess its my turn. It is, after all, my (Will's) recovery blog. Anyway, I think its a good medium to share thoughts and insights, and sometimes even a few pictures, to show what I (and We) are doing. With that I'm just going to briefly go over some of the most recent occurrences and, of course, show you some pictures.

First of all I would like everyone to know that we got done (well mostly done) with the upstairs painting. That included painting the kids playroom, the doors and the upstairs landing. Below is a picture of Ben and myself in our newly painted entry way. At that time we still had to do the doors and we still have to do some painting in the kids room, but the place does look a lot nicer.

Also, of course, we recently had Valentines day. Well recently is probably an exaggeration. I know, I know, I should have blogged about this sooner. It was a good day, though, and we celebrated with buying the complete set of the Chronicles of Narnia in hardcover (at a good deal of course). As you can probably see we are not reading them in the order they came in. The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe was placed second in this series and of course everyone knows that it is really the first book.

Some family members have decided to put in a storage shed. This will be great for us because we have lots of stuff that we could probably ship over there. Unfortunately, they have also bought a couple of four-wheelers which will undoubtedly take up most of the room. (I hope you know that I say "unfortunately" in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way. I'm sure they will be a lot of fun.) Anyway, I'm out supervising while a couple of my brother-in-laws prepared the spot where its going to be put. A couple other projects I've done were hung some blinds at my brother-in-laws new house and installed a new doorbell at my wife's parents.

As far as Summer and Benjamin go they are doing great. Summer now has her boot off, which she had because she broke her ankle, and is moving around fine. She recently went to the museum at Hill Air-force Base with my mother-in-law, two nieces, and Benjamin.

The breaking point...

I've been thinking. Will's story is inspiring, and motivates, and makes you want to be better in the face of adversity, at least at first… Three years ago when he woke up for the first time after his stroke, or when he said "go fish" with clarity, or when he flew home to Utah and ran around the Bountiful track for the first time, or when he did a triathlon, or when he gave his first talk in church, and so on. But what about now? What about three years later? The struggle is still so real. He still hasn't secured a job -- and many times in the place of opportunities, some are gently closing their doors to him. It is times like these where I think, how much longer are we going to be called to go through this? It is so hard for Will-- doesn't he deserve more?  He is such a great man.  

Sometimes I am just angry. Sometimes I am sad. But I guess my take home message is it's not over. We need to endure, and continue to cope in appropriate ways. I know Will is one of many, or maybe he is just a symbol of all of us that are all called to pass through hard times that are not pleasant and that were not what we expected or "deserved." And sometimes we wonder if the hard times will ever end. With this in mind, Will's story is more inspiring than ever. It's easy to not give up when everyone is watching (the first year, or second) but what about when you're on your own. When many of the decision makers have turned from you. It is more inspiring to have faith where there is not a clear road ahead. Will continues to appropriately move through his trial. He lets himself feel the sorrow that comes with his loss, but he also continues to pull up his boot straps and go to work. I am more glad than ever to be married to such a wonderful man. What a blessing he is in my life.

As for the everyday details in our life-- Will is giving his last toastmaster's speech this week and he and his father are moving on to an intensive study regime to help prep him for the boards. Will's lab work is increasing in hours as the lead researcher at the lab is giving him more complex experiments to preform on the heart cells he is working with (I'm sure Will will give you more details on this as he is going to blog soon). He is also preparing to take a test, mid-March, to get a limited license for becoming a radiology technician. He continues to be a favorite at the clinic where he volunteers-- as he gained some popularity this week when coworkers there discovered an article I wrote. Originally, I believed it would be published in a small magazine-- somehow things took an unexpected turn and landed in the state's two largest newspapers-- talk about overwhelming ;).  As for Benjamin Bunny and I, we are still learning how to live with one another. The only thing we know for sure is that we're hooked. I love the kid and he seems to be pretty attached himself. This motherhood thing is great!  Watch for more details on our life in the next post-- Will is always better and giving details than I am... Meanwhile, keep believing things will get better and they usually do ;)

Hard times don't last forever

I am going to take a minute to share some experiences I have been a part of, and hope the stories I will tell will not diminish the feelings of the persons more closely involved.

Two years ago Rolf, my boss from my reporter days,  and his wife got the phone call every parent dreads.  Their son had not shown up for work. He had not been seen for a week. He was a single 30-year-old (and a friend of mine).  Though they searched for months for him, they never found him. Yesterday morning I got a phone call. It was the reporter who had taken my place more than five years ago when I left the Clipper, our local newspaper. I thought she wanted me to write something because they were in a pinch (occasionally I write for the Clipper or judge a spelling bee for them). Well as you have already assumed the phone call was not about writing. It was about Rolf. He had passed away that morning. He was around 60 years old. He had been dealing with a bad case of the flu when things went south. He died in the hospital of septic shock. It was also only about two weeks ago, Will and I witnessed a horrific accident. Both the passenger and driver were severely injured and all we, and the other first responders, could do is wait for the ambulance(and lifeflight) to take them away.

If you follow this blog you know that I have mentioned often my belief in God and his plan for us. I admit in moments like this I feel a little betrayed, and doubt His mercy. My heart aches for the families involved in these situations. Why would anyone be asked to go through this? Is God punishing them or teaching them a lesson? The answers for me have come as I read the scriptures and prayed to the Lord asking him why.  Death is not the end of families.  And the Lord does not punish us by taking them away from us for a time. And like those involved in the accident, we are left for a small moment but then the Lord enfolds us in the arms of his mercy. I am adding a link to a video clip on overcoming tragedy and another on the belief that families can be together forever.

In news related to Will and I and Baby, we are all in good health. Ben is grabbing his toes and eating rice cereal. I am trying to guess what each of his miniature squawks mean and why he doesn't sleep all the way through the night.  Will is still volunteering day and sometimes night to keep up on his studies and get back what he lost. And in the evenings,when he is home, we are giving mom and dad's upstairs a new look. As a follow-up to the prior entry-- I have heard doctors talking about Giffords situation saying that she can heal for up to 18 months after the shooting. To this I say- "poppycock." She'll be healing for years ;)  Will just passed his third year anniversary of the stroke (Feb. 1, 2008), and his recovery is still going strong!

Giffords

In the last few weeks this name has become common in homes across America and the Globe. I don't know how many people are on the edge of their seats wondering what is going to happen with Representative Gabrielle Giffords, who was hit with a bullet to the head. Reading the articles day after day to hear about her recovery steps. One day she is able to open her eyes another she can hold herself up in a standing position. Today she is leaving the hospital to fly to a rehab center in Texas. I am sure your heart aches for her, as mine does, and that you pray for her and hope the best for her.  I am also sure that you can see where I am going with this blog. Will is not too far off from what she has and will continue to experience. Life will go on for her associates and friends, but it will stop for her for a while.  Life will also be strained for her family for awhile.

If I could have sometime with her family-- what would I say to them. Will it tear them apart, will it pull them closer together. Will there be an end to her recovery, will she be the same person she was when all is said and done. Will she ever heal from the emotional wounds from that fateful day.  I don't know what I would say to them. I would hope that in the weeks and years ahead they will have faith in her recovery. I pray that they will see that there are some endings but many more beginnings. I hope it will not tear them apart. I hope it will help them to have greater love for one another, even when things don't work out exactly as planned-- not at first at least. My heart does ache for Gabrielle Giffords, but I don't think she'll wish away what happened- already she can see how her unintended sacrifice is bringing a community and nation together. Her pain and struggle will bring her and those around her to their knees more often. I would never wish such a difficult situation on a person, but I certainly would never wish it away.

As for Will's update he is a trooper lately. He is busy 100 percent of his waking day. Applying for jobs, and recently Physicians Assistants school, studying for a radiology test he needs to take to get a limited practice license, preparing speeches for his toastmaster class and of course continuing to study for the boards (which he has to take next year to meet the deadline). On top of these of course he continues to volunteer at the clinic, in a lab on U of U campus, and at the temple at least twice a month.  As far as his recovery- I admit I wonder how much is actually happening-- is he really recalling more information every day and organizing more of his activities, etc… These answers are not always black and white-- but I do believe he is still recovering and I know he will do amazing things with his life. I think I've said it before, but I believe a lot of his recovery is about our faith and less about what will eventually come to be. If we give up than maybe his recovery will stop. There is not time to look back -- so Will and I do our best not to look behind us and to keep moving forward. And for those reading this blog, keep dropping to your knees to ask for miracles, because I know they will come, both in your lives and our own.

Some recent highlights

So I haven’t written for a while and I guess there are a few things I should talk about. First of all, I guess you should know, my wife, Summer, broke her ankle the other day. Actually it was on our anniversary, the 30th of December. She was clearing the snow off the car and was almost done when she slipped on some ice. I actually found her a little later and brought her inside. At first we didn’t think it was broken, but as the day wore on it became more apparent to her that she needed to go to a doctor. When she did decide to go I was in Salt Lake so she had her Mom take her. Fortunately, she came back without a cast, but she does have a boot or brace for the next six weeks.

Now, as far as I’m concerned, the big thing that happened to me was that I had a residency interview in Ohio last month. I stayed with Dan Hecht, a friend of mine from when I was a med student. The interview was at Ohio State and I feel pretty good about it, unfortunately, I still have to get another interview, for years two through four, for me to actually have a place. Hopefully that will happen soon.

Concerning Benjamin, he is doing great. We are still waiting for him to roll over, but we expect that he will roll over soon. That’s the hope anyway. One thing he did do today was, while we were at church, he actually put his binky in his own mouth. Normally that’s something we have to do.

Back to Ohio

Today Will is in Ohio. I am in Utah. Last year at this time we were both in Ohio at a trial rotation back at Riverside Methodist Hospital. This year Will was granted a residency interview at OSU.

Plenty has changed since last year's Ohio visit. First I'll mention Will's improved capacities and then move on to our family's changes.  As for the "now and then" stroke recovery comparisons. I went with Will to Ohio last year because he had a difficult time keeping track of schedules, appointments and organizing his time. This year none of these deficits are issues. I do not worry that he will get lost in the airport or that he will not be able to locate his baggage or that he will be late to any of his interviews. I know he'll do fine. Last year Will's organization and processing speeds deficits tended to make Will seem less "with it." My husband's above average intelligence was masked because of his inability to retrieve information.  This year however, he is different. And while he is not all the way "back" the brain connections are continuing to mend and I believe those who knew him will see a difference.

As for our situation, last year we returned from Ohio jobless and again with no guarantee that Will would ever be a doctor, but nonetheless with family as a first priority we decided to have a baby.  We put our newly remodeled condo up for rent, moved into mom and dads basement apartment and set a strict budget (Will has a disability benefit). Now instead of a my working and planning trips and gatherings with our friends, I am waking up three times a night to feed Ben and I send my hubby off to volunteer for eight hours and then to class for another three. But as any happily married wife and new mother can attest-- I have never been happier.  The proof is in the pictures, it's in this video. The truth is that while life and it's expenses and hardships have gotten harder -- it's also much, much better. I love Will more everyday and I couldn't ask for a better son.

Meanwhile, only time will tell if tomorrow's OSU interview evolves into a position for Will at their hospital, or if he'll be accepted back into any training program for MD's this year. But no matter the outcome we'll continue working towards our goals, because we both believe someday he will be able to return to the demands of being a doctor.

Summer

ps the pics are Ben, Will and I and Will's sibs at Temple Square.