Pneumonia

I know it's not a fun word.   Especially if the word is a description of your husband's health at the present moment.  Two weeks ago Will came down with a cold that turned into lots of grumpiness.  Will is a pretty even tempered guy so when he was supposedly over his cold but continued to be easily irritated I should have suspected something was up but instead -- wife (that's me)  was not happy with him.  Finally after a night of  Will coughing, I swallowed my pride and thought maybe he should see a doctor. A few hours later I get the call-  Will had cancelled his volunteering at the Maliheh Clinic and Temple for that day and told me he was coming home to sleep. After an Xray the doctor confirmed that Will had Pneumonia. I am eight months pregnant so I immediately called my doctor to see how concerned I should be for our baby's health. He thought since I did not already have it-- I would probably not get it. So luckily I did not have to ban myself to another place to stay for this past week.

I know that I have covered a wide range of healing that happens through the stroke process. Today I want to cover a different type of healing--- I will call it "continuous hope healing."  Just when it feels like we're going to get a break --something happens.  The nuero pysch test that we were sure would come back with flying colors of Will's progress (because this is what I have observed)  still pointed towards some bumps in the road to Will becoming a doctor.  At this point I could go into justification for why the test was wrong and why Will is farther ahead than stated in the test, or even that in the last two and a half years he has yet to be given a real life opportunity (a job or schooling) that could bring him "all the way" back up to speed so of course he can't be "all the way" better.  But instead of hopping on that soap box I want to say- It's hard. It is hard to keep up hope, we are running up against so many walls. In a perfect world someone would have championed Will's cause and given him every possible opportunity to succeed instead of fail-- allowing him to make the necessary mistakes to regain all of his pre-stroke capacities. This is the brain here. It is very elastic and very capable of the healing -  but without opportunities to grow progress is slower!

Through tears I can't tell you how many times I have thought "This is not fair!"  Will deserves so much more. He is capable of so much. So if dealing with Will's stroke rehabilitation  and pneumonia wasn't enough-- I have been presented with my own challenges, personal attacks, financial stresses, and  a feeling of total inadequacy that in less than six weeks -- broken hearted and afraid-- I am going to bring a child into this world.   I know my story is one of millions. O the heartbreak so many have felt. The fear and the despair. But this can't be the end all be all. I don't think we are here on this earth to suffer and then suffer more. I know we  are not. For out of our greatest trials come our greatest blessings-- my marriage to Will was only possible because he had a stroke. Another trial has been sacrificing my job, my condo (which is rented out currently), and other things worldly comforts to have and raise this child at home-- I don't think I will ever regret these trials (experiences). If I can get to any point in this blog entry it would be that Gratitude is the source of "continuous hope healing" if we lose hope, we lose everything. I am learning to be grateful for what we do have and not look back at what we have lost.

If you've made it to the end of this blog entry AKA novel -- you've accomplished much. As usual we are grateful for your support and thank you for your continued prayers and readership.  May you find much to be grateful for today-- that is my prayer :)

Sincerely,

Summer

ps I've posted a picture of my wonderful hubby and I and another picture of my big ole belly that I am carrying around lately ;)  Wilson's health is great!  We are down to six weeks and I am starting to see the doctor every week.

pps I wanted to plug my new blog www.SummerImage.com and website  (I'm a stay at home photographer and writer) and also my sister-in-law's wonderful blog on raising children and exercise.

ppps  Sorry I am terrible at every day details-- Will is looking for jobs, applying for residency and recently signed up  for a class on Radiology Technology -- to get a limited liscense certificate to be able to do Xrays come December.