Down to the Wire

Someone tell me that someday I will wake up and our future will not be one big question mark. Someone tell me that we won't have to hold our breath every time we apply for a desired position in school/residency/work/grant, hoping that someone will give us a chance.  Someone tell me that it's going to work out - that someone will see Will's potential and stop assuming that he can't or that you don't really ever fully recover from such a serious brain injury (unless it's 12-18months after the stroke). Sometimes it just seems so unfair. And by unfair I mean- sometimes I feel like all the effort and time to get Will somewhere he is happy-- somewhere he has already worked for more than eight years to get to (becoming a doctor)-- is just a waste. I get so frustrated sometimes.

Today's frustration is centered around physicians assistant school/grants.  It's not that we are there yet-- but we are a few days away from some critical deadlines, and things seems to be going wrong. The good news is that Will passed his summer courses. The bad news is that Will's teacher messed up a grade on his final and has to revise it before it goes on the transcript to be sent to CASPA (PA application center) and then mailed to the school of our choice.  This all has to happen in two weeks-- the deadline is Sept. 1st for our school of choice-- (U of U).  We get one shot at this and than we wait another year for another chance.  I don't know how much longer we can hold out…with looming medical school debt, a mortgage, a little person to care for and so on… we're down to the wire.  We need things to work out this year!

Reading through this post I can see that I'm experiencing woman brain-- clumping all my issues together and than expecting one solution or fix -- and of course that fix is someone else. Someone else has to give us a chance, we deserve better...  I know that this is not how things work. Will's recovery comes one solution at a time and no teacher or job or college or residency program can just fix it all. And even though it is frustrating waiting and hoping and holding our breath… I know that someday we will wake up and our life will not just be one big question mark-- I know we can do this and you can too…Whatever your question mark is-- you can too…