I've noticed from the beginning that Will's grieving time frame always looked quite different from the way and time I grieved. I thought our time frames would sync back up after he regained his short term memory. It's been at least a year now that I feel like his short term memory is pretty much pre-stroke levels, and my hypothesis that we would sync up has fallen straight on it's face.
I'm sure this is not a surprise to many of our readers, but we all grieve differently. The other night something was really bothering Will. I threw in some assumptions about his sadness and then moved on to feel angry that he was sad-- I felt like, we don't have time to focus on the past, we have so much to do and need to move on. Well I was wrong. Will had already "grieved" over the loss of not becoming a doctor(for now). He was grieving about the new mess this solution has presented "who will take him in now?"It's really hard to get a job as a doctor, in another career field.
I guess my point is: First it is never OK for us to tell someone when they "should" be done grieving. We all need to move through our emotions in the timeframe that is right for us. Second, we should be aware of what is really bothering the said person. Problems and losses that we face are more complex than- "just get over it" or "just move on." We need to give people space to grieve so they can move on when the time is right for them. If that grieving process looks different than our own grief or lasts longer than our own grief than we need to be patient and understanding. I don't know if any of this information is earth shattering to you- but it was for me. It feels like something that is obvious but it is so hard to let people live and learn and not to step in. We all need space to grow. The best advice I can give myself is to "trust that the ones you love will make the right choices." As they are given that space to grow and experience loss and trial, they may have more self confidence because they "solved" their own problems. We can do hard things, and so can the people we love. Trust me ;)
