Recovery

Recovery: the regaining of or possibility of regaining something lost or taken away.  

I think of the definition of recovery and I feel like it really applies to more than just health. Sometimes Will and I feel cheated- like his career as a doctor was "taken away," and as we talk about his recovery we are really talking about restoring his career before the stroke. His mind before the injury.  But when we think of things in this way- sometimes we're angry or hurt about the "recovery" or maybe lack thereof. Don't get me wrong-- Will has and continues to experience a miraculous recovery. We are thankful everyday for his working memory and planning abilities (because at one time they were non existent). But as far as recovering a career and a means to provide for his family-- we're still working or hoping to regain this. 

I guess I'm saying this today because I realize it is easy to be angry. Angry that five years after the stroke we are still in survival mode, and not "flourishing" in a career. But five years is a long time to be angry and hurt, is it really worth the energy? If I could give some advice to individuals in similar circumstances it would be, move through your anger and grief at the things you have lost when you need to, but spend more of your time focusing on the things you do have instead of the things you wish you still had.

As for Will and I we're happy as clams with our two boys and little apartment. Ben is talking up a storm and James is smiling everyday. I'm grateful for our boys, I'm grateful for Will. We're grateful for our jobs and we're glad we are together-- these realities make the harder realities bearable. 

Cheerleaders

I guess we are all just cheerleaders. And when I say we I mean anyone who has had to go through a difficult disease, stroke, brain injury, car accident, etc… at a younger age. I mean the people that had a lot different plans than the ones they have been dealt. We are the ones who have to keep moving forward- even when sometimes we just want to go back to the way things were before. Or maybe not the way they were before but the way things could be if they would have never changed.

I read about Gabrielle Giffords tonight. She was invited to share her feelings with Loughner in court-- the man who attempted to take her life. Instead of saying anything, however, she hobbled with the help of her husband to the stand and he recited what he thought she might say. I think a few years ago when she was hanging on for life in the hospital the entire nation prayed for her to return to her post as a congresswoman. Many of us believed she could do it. But today I don't know that our prayers are the same as they were. Some of us have forgotten her and then the rest of us-- mainly her cheerleaders only look on in reverence and maybe disappointment that she didn't make it back to perform in her previous government job. All the hope and cheerleading in the world doesn't always change what is to be. But when I read about her with a heavy heart I am not completely sad. I am mostly grateful. Grateful that she is alive, grateful that her husband stands besides her and grateful that you can see her spirit is not dimmed by her unfortunate circumstance, it actually seems to burn brighter. So as her cheerleader I will continue on the sidelines. I will never forget Gabrielle and I will never stop wondering about her. She is one of my many heroes who move through their day to day lives living the life they never planned to live, but making it great even though.