Cognitive Recovery

I gave up the "angry life isn't fair business" in the first year of Will's stroke. I knew I couldn't live like that. I knew we shouldn't live like that. But today I felt a little resentment. I felt justified. And for a moment I felt angry. On national television a reporter repeated Gabby Giffords doctor who said "physical recovery tends to plateau after at the year mark, but cognitive recovery happens for years. It just keeps getting better." I feel like I have been trying to convince doctors and specifically Will's neurosphycologist-- who writes letters to the doctors, of this fact for years. Why am I the one trying to convince the "experts" that my husband is getting better that cognitive recovery happens past 6-12 months unlike much physical recovery. That Will's cognitive recovery has never stopped! Every time our neuropsychologist writes a letter -- it just gets someone else to close a door on us!!! He, and other physicians (not all) have tried to get us to believe that Will's cognition is going to plateau and that will be that.  I recognize our situation is not as black and white as give Will enough time and he'll be the same old doctor he was before. But I also believe he can be a doctor again and he will be a better doctor than he was before. I know this because I have front row seats to the most amazing cognitive recovery ever.

So why was I angry... I guess my anger was really fear. I don't want to hear no again. I don't want Will to be passed by for an interview because of potential misinformation/misunderstanding on the side of the interviewers. I want Will to have a chance. He studies anywhere from 8-10 hours a day!  He doesn't give himself a day or hour off (I should know I tried to get him to just watch a movie with me tonight and he told me he couldn't he needed to study).  I pray with all of my heart that Will's desires and preparation will lead him back to where he really longs to be. And I know not a day goes by that he doesn't pray for the same.  Will has until June to take and pass Step 3 of the boards. After that this particular opportunity will no longer be available to him. Pray for Will this year. Pray for him to be able to scale this very steep wall that could lead him back to a residency position.

Speaking of extraordnary-- our son eats with a spoon and hardly makes a mess at all!!! At 16 months.  Also he is offically walking as of a couple weeks ago!

A New Year

I was at whit ends the last part of the year-- thinking- what will we do if we don't get into Physicians Assistant school.  Waiting and hoping for a chance to start again, I nearly drove myself crazy. And then something happend.  Will lost any inhibition he might have had to wait for an opportunity and started studying. He has been putting in 8 to 10 hour days for weeks now-- studying to take the third set of the boards. He takes and re-takes practice tests and is pouring over test prepartion materials. Without my prompting my husband is on fire with more motivation/desire to become a doctor than I've ever seen before. I am so pleased with this change of events that any sadness over not getting into PA school has melted away. 

I am so happy to be his wife. To be the wife of someone who hasn't buckled under the weight of what seems to be an insormountable trial.  I have never seen someone fight so hard to get back what he lost. His focus has never waivered. We have written and re-written plans and found more dead ends than I wish to count. There have been many opportunities to just walk away, but Will doesn't take the bait. I find more meaning in this relationship and in my husbands determination than I ever thought possible.  I am grateful to be the recipient of such a wonderful love. In the prescence of such an amazing individual- day in and day out. And as we spent a day and a half away from our little guy to celebrate our anniversary. Shopping, eating out, playing chess, drinking hot chocoalate, listening to music, going to the movie theater, and staying at a fun hotel downtown Salt Lake City; I felt like the luckiest girl on earth. I don't know what our future holds but I know from past experince that it holds something wonderful.