Dreaming

What kind of person are you?  A dreamer or is reality too appetizing to give into the idea that your dreams might be a little much.  I find myself in a battle with the two sometimes. I want to dream but I don't want to wake up some day and say I spent too much time chasing dreams and not enough time enjoying the reality that I have. I don't know if this is making sense but I'm thinking along the lines of -- if I set my expectations high I might be disappointed when things don't turn out the way I hope they will.

Of course a lot of my inner turmoil revolves around my husband finding his way back to a suitable career. I don't want to pressure him or make him feel like he can't do something. I want us to dream-- and I want to live his dreams. I want to be the wife that helps his dreams come true. But then the reality of 4 + years without a job for him is staring us in the face and his credentials match a doctors but not those of another career field so side stepping into another career field is proving to be difficult. So I guess I'm asking - if you were me- would you dream or bear down and start over? This has been a consistent flow of thinking to me for years now-- I don't always know how to feel about our situation. But one thing I always come back to is -- no matter what happens -- I am happy. I have a perfect husband a wonderful child and another one on the way. The reality is I couldn't be luckier, or better off. They are what matters most. I do expect/dream/hope that Will is going to end up in the right career for him. And that we won't have to be in limbo forever. Mostly, I just need to develop patience that things will happen in the Lords timing and not our timing.

Holding hands

I feel like I'm being reeled up the length of a very tall roller coaster, just about to roll over the top and fly down the track, stomach in throat and hand in Will's. We're within weeks of welcoming our next little boy into the world, and we're both very excited. We can't wait for the first real contraction- indicating the appraoching arrival of James. It is wonderful to share my life with my best friend. To have him at my side as we ride through the ups and downs holding hands all the while. Three of Will's siblings have been (or will be by next week) joined in marriage the last two months. You can just feel the love they share. And then I think about how much that love grows with the addition of children, and sticking through the difficult times. I'm even more excited for the next chapter in our life. Even though I know the combination of raising a toddler and newborn is a giantic task.  I also know finding Will a career is also going to be very difficult. We're in it together, and I can't wait to see where we end up.

As for Will's actual recovery I still see noteable changes. Like he is alert if I wake him in the middle of the night- that has never happened in our marriage until the last month or so. He gets emails and responds to them as quick as he would have before his stroke-- also new these past few months.  He's better everyday, and its been almost five years since the stroke blew through. As for our lives we've been busy with weddings and vacations-- hence the late in the month blog post and the double hitter (meaning watch for a post in the next few days).  Finally as a side note-- Will has not forgotten this blog- he took a break from it to study and look for jobs this past half year but lately he's been telling me he's going to get back online. So keep your fingers crossed and you might hear from the man himself one of these days :)