Toastmasters

A little over a year ago my father and I got involved with something called Toastmasters. Toastmasters is an organization for improving ones speaking skills. There are chapters all over the place, and what you do is just give, and evaluate, speeches. I gave a speech there probably once every six weeks or so until I gave a total of ten speeches. At the end of the ten speeches I won some sort of reward. I'm still waiting for the certificate, but whether or not it finally arrives I think it was definitely worth doing.

I think it was worth doing one, because I would like to improve my skills as an orator, and two, because it helped me draw closer to my Dad. I think it also helped me in my recovery from my stroke. Coming up with themes from my past and organizing them into speeches both helped me with my memory and with my delivery. While I don't know if doing these speeches helped a lot or a little with my recovery, I do feel that they did help.

In the future I plan to blog more about these speeches individually as well as other things and, hopefully, I can also find some meaningful relationship between them and my continued stoke recovery

Here are a few pictures we've taken on different excursions this past month. They have nothing to do with the aforementioned.

Benjamin and I checking out our cool new carrying pack.

Riding on the beach at Bear lake.

Benjamin and playmates watching Dad play frisbee.

Quite a dapper young gentleman if I do say so myself.

All dressed in our Sunday best on Easter.

Ben, uncle Jarom and grandpa Blackhurst at great grandpa Andrus's 90th birthday bash.

A New Day

If we spend too much time looking back, we'll never move forward. I can say this because at times our progress has been stifled because too much energy was focused on: Why did this happen, or Will can't do that anymore because of...(you fill in the blank).  Feeding on past failures only sets the stage for future regrets. I want to be blunt for a moment. There are probably plenty of people in the reach of our situation who doubt or don't believe we are spending our time wisely in trying to return to medicine. Perhaps we are holding onto false hope or unattainable goals. Especially if you know someone personally affected by a head injury-- you know the road to recovery is long and arduous and at times impassable.

We are keenly aware that time is a factor in every recovery and there is a balance between waiting for the return of functioning and moving on.  There is great power in moving on and letting go. In fact it is necessary to our  emotional healing….Accepting that we have deficits/weaknesses is not giving up on them.... it is the first step in overcoming them if it is possible or learning the compensating skills to move on. I also know at times these realizations do mean changing your dreams/career, but sometimes they don't.

As far as the logistics to Will's recovery-- we are in constant communication with Will's doctors/rehab specialist and our neruo psychologist in developing additional activities for Will's recovery. I believe science and faith compliment one another. Will's faith leads him to action. Day by day his efforts lead to improved cognitive ability. Those improvements lead to more ability which lead to more recovery. When the faith or works stop than recovery does as well.  So for now we'll continue on this path, and continue to lead with: faith is the great healer and miracles do happen based on our belief (see previous blog entry).

So to end I'll finish with our "New Day."  Will passed his test!  He now has his limited scope license to work as a xray technician.  While we have not secured Will a job in this field, he has been given the go ahead to preform xrays at the clinic where he volunteers. I anticipate in future entry's Will is going to be able to give you the logistics and details to this success and hopefully other successes he is currently having, with toastmasters and his lab research.  But my point is we're still going strong.  He does get better everyday.  I do see a return to medicine for Will --- only time will tell when that may be but stick with us cause we're in it for the long haul.

Summer

ps I have a new favorite book "Over my head." It's a page turner! It's about a doctor who was in a bike accident and tried to return to practicing medicine but found herself instead with a serious brain injury that would take years to heal. I even recommend it to people who don't know anyone who has had a brain injury/stroke, this is good stuff!

Reality

The other day I went into Ben's six month well visit, and as I was waiting for the doctor I had a conversation with the nurse that has sent me thinking. About two years ago she was diagnosed with leukemia. At the time the doctor told her it was only in stage two. Once treatments were over, and the cancer was removed through chemo however, she found out her situation had been much more serious than she had thought. Initially the cancer had indeed spread to multiple places in her body and had been in the final stages-- stage four. Her doctor, in his wisdom, had decided not to tell her the severity of the cancer until she was out of the woods, he told her patients fair better when the diagnosis "seems" more hopeful.

Can you believe it? One person's "belief" in their condition or "lack of belief" can change everything. I know faith in something we can't see does make a difference. I imagine this doctor understood this principle. Some might debate this doctor's counterfeit diagnosis. But what might have happened to this nurse if she had thought- she only had a few months to live instead of years to her life. It could have changed everything. Her children could be motherless right now. I could go on to discuss the ethics of this patient/doctor communication, but that is not the purpose of my post. My purpose is to better understand faith. Faith changes everything. Our belief in a better day, makes a better day. Our faith really does change the future. It changes how we live. And when we lack faith, we take away our accountability to "getting better" to "being better." At this point our values change. We hold other people accountable for our not getting better or not giving us the opportunities we think we deserve, and so on. Thereby taking away any real responsibility we might have to changing our undesirable situation.

So come with me on one last journey while I end this post. In David Archuleta's pop song "Something 'bout love" it talks about Love breaking your heart and setting you free. Instantly I thought of Will. His love has changed me.  I am a better person. I would do anything for him. I find myself changing bad habits, not because he asks me to, but because I love him. I don't want to disappoint. His love sets me free in the sense that I am more accepting of myself. I do better, which leads to being better which leads to feeling better which leads to more love and more faith.  I bring this example up because it is a physical pattern that teaches us about a very spiritual principle. I believe that it is our faith and love in our Savior which heals us all. Whether it be disappointments or physical aliments. As long as we demonstrate our faith we can be healed or glean strength to bear those heart aches that lie before us.

I'll start with the News...

...and end with some thoughts. I know kind of a change/switch for me. Will did not hear back from residencies in the match this year so he decided to try for the scramble... also a no go.  We are back to the drawing boards again.  We have done a lot of drawing the past few years--- I'm sure we'll just have to draw residency into the picture next year :)  On the news story front-- Will took a four hour test to get his limited scope radiology license, we will find out in a few weeks if he passed.  I am assuming he did well, he seemed to know a lot of answers I would have never been able to answer and he finished in three and a half hours, instead of four. Also news, less significant, but news nonetheless. Will gave is last Toastmaster's speech and is moving on to full time studying regime with his dad, instead of using that time to prepare speeches. In February Will taught a lesson in his Elder's Quorum (church class) one week and the next he gave a talk to the ward (church congregation). He did really well on all three of his public appearances. His thinking/presentation abilities are really a lot quicker and more cohesive than they used be. His presentation abilities are progressing towards a "doctor" range-- you know lots of problem solving and evaluating in just a few moments than articulating a solution in a five minute doctors apt. News that does not pertain to Will's recover but you may be interested in--- Ben's six month birthday is today!!! We had a big party and ate all of his pie without him ;)  His developmental milestones include sitting up and babbling. Mostly "Ba, Ba" with a couple of "Ma, Ma's and Da, Da's" mixed in. My ankle is almost better -- I can do some exercise but was sad to find out, after a run the other day, I would not be able to do more intense exercise for awhile longer :(

OK way too much news.  Now onto what I do best. Jabber! What I want to share was inspired by a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) support class I attended. Will was too busy studying for his Radiology License Exam, so I went alone.  I was interested to see if I could glean some tips on "speeding up" his continued recovery. However, most of the topic matter was centered on organizing the piles of medical bills that come up in the early or chronic periods of recovery- ie, when you're visiting multiple doctors for rehab a week.  We are slowly putting all our bills to rest. It was just a few months ago I took our insurance company off my "free favorite callers list" (the past two years I spoke with insurance agents a few hours a week). So even though I did not glean information about on how to speed things up for Will, I walked away with something much better...

At the TBI meeting their were individuals and their caregivers, with a variety of brain injuries. There was one other who had a stroke, and the others had been involved in some car, horse or falling accidents.  Just like us, they had to deal with something very unexpected.  Loss of career, loss of independence, and loss of ability. For the caregivers- it was loss of income, loss of "the husband they married" or loss of "the child the knew," etc... Loss is the key word. It seems to me that these types of injuries are more about loss than it they are about dealing with change. Can you imagine- being an aspiring doctor, lawyer, dentist, teacher, etc... one day and then your dream/career being gone the next. Now in place of those dreams you need someone to help you walk or remember to check your messages.  More than confusion caused by the injury, I could see the individuals at the meeting felt angry, sad, and even panicked. My heart went out to them.  Most of them were in situations far more difficult than Will and I.

As I left the meeting, however, in the place of sorrow, I felt a greater love.  Where would we be without each other. I can't imagine Will getting near as far as he has without his parents and siblings. I can't imagine us getting near as far without my family and his family. I love them more than ever.  And even though there are times when we are besides ourselves with grief and hurt one another, our faith and love brings us back. More than ever I believe that Will can be healed. Without family we are badly handicapped, and with them we can do anything. Just watch and see....

Summer

Some recent projects

I think that Summer has written the last few times so I guess its my turn. It is, after all, my (Will's) recovery blog. Anyway, I think its a good medium to share thoughts and insights, and sometimes even a few pictures, to show what I (and We) are doing. With that I'm just going to briefly go over some of the most recent occurrences and, of course, show you some pictures.

First of all I would like everyone to know that we got done (well mostly done) with the upstairs painting. That included painting the kids playroom, the doors and the upstairs landing. Below is a picture of Ben and myself in our newly painted entry way. At that time we still had to do the doors and we still have to do some painting in the kids room, but the place does look a lot nicer.

Also, of course, we recently had Valentines day. Well recently is probably an exaggeration. I know, I know, I should have blogged about this sooner. It was a good day, though, and we celebrated with buying the complete set of the Chronicles of Narnia in hardcover (at a good deal of course). As you can probably see we are not reading them in the order they came in. The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe was placed second in this series and of course everyone knows that it is really the first book.

Some family members have decided to put in a storage shed. This will be great for us because we have lots of stuff that we could probably ship over there. Unfortunately, they have also bought a couple of four-wheelers which will undoubtedly take up most of the room. (I hope you know that I say "unfortunately" in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way. I'm sure they will be a lot of fun.) Anyway, I'm out supervising while a couple of my brother-in-laws prepared the spot where its going to be put. A couple other projects I've done were hung some blinds at my brother-in-laws new house and installed a new doorbell at my wife's parents.

As far as Summer and Benjamin go they are doing great. Summer now has her boot off, which she had because she broke her ankle, and is moving around fine. She recently went to the museum at Hill Air-force Base with my mother-in-law, two nieces, and Benjamin.

The breaking point...

I've been thinking. Will's story is inspiring, and motivates, and makes you want to be better in the face of adversity, at least at first… Three years ago when he woke up for the first time after his stroke, or when he said "go fish" with clarity, or when he flew home to Utah and ran around the Bountiful track for the first time, or when he did a triathlon, or when he gave his first talk in church, and so on. But what about now? What about three years later? The struggle is still so real. He still hasn't secured a job -- and many times in the place of opportunities, some are gently closing their doors to him. It is times like these where I think, how much longer are we going to be called to go through this? It is so hard for Will-- doesn't he deserve more?  He is such a great man.  

Sometimes I am just angry. Sometimes I am sad. But I guess my take home message is it's not over. We need to endure, and continue to cope in appropriate ways. I know Will is one of many, or maybe he is just a symbol of all of us that are all called to pass through hard times that are not pleasant and that were not what we expected or "deserved." And sometimes we wonder if the hard times will ever end. With this in mind, Will's story is more inspiring than ever. It's easy to not give up when everyone is watching (the first year, or second) but what about when you're on your own. When many of the decision makers have turned from you. It is more inspiring to have faith where there is not a clear road ahead. Will continues to appropriately move through his trial. He lets himself feel the sorrow that comes with his loss, but he also continues to pull up his boot straps and go to work. I am more glad than ever to be married to such a wonderful man. What a blessing he is in my life.

As for the everyday details in our life-- Will is giving his last toastmaster's speech this week and he and his father are moving on to an intensive study regime to help prep him for the boards. Will's lab work is increasing in hours as the lead researcher at the lab is giving him more complex experiments to preform on the heart cells he is working with (I'm sure Will will give you more details on this as he is going to blog soon). He is also preparing to take a test, mid-March, to get a limited license for becoming a radiology technician. He continues to be a favorite at the clinic where he volunteers-- as he gained some popularity this week when coworkers there discovered an article I wrote. Originally, I believed it would be published in a small magazine-- somehow things took an unexpected turn and landed in the state's two largest newspapers-- talk about overwhelming ;).  As for Benjamin Bunny and I, we are still learning how to live with one another. The only thing we know for sure is that we're hooked. I love the kid and he seems to be pretty attached himself. This motherhood thing is great!  Watch for more details on our life in the next post-- Will is always better and giving details than I am... Meanwhile, keep believing things will get better and they usually do ;)

Hard times don't last forever

I am going to take a minute to share some experiences I have been a part of, and hope the stories I will tell will not diminish the feelings of the persons more closely involved.

Two years ago Rolf, my boss from my reporter days,  and his wife got the phone call every parent dreads.  Their son had not shown up for work. He had not been seen for a week. He was a single 30-year-old (and a friend of mine).  Though they searched for months for him, they never found him. Yesterday morning I got a phone call. It was the reporter who had taken my place more than five years ago when I left the Clipper, our local newspaper. I thought she wanted me to write something because they were in a pinch (occasionally I write for the Clipper or judge a spelling bee for them). Well as you have already assumed the phone call was not about writing. It was about Rolf. He had passed away that morning. He was around 60 years old. He had been dealing with a bad case of the flu when things went south. He died in the hospital of septic shock. It was also only about two weeks ago, Will and I witnessed a horrific accident. Both the passenger and driver were severely injured and all we, and the other first responders, could do is wait for the ambulance(and lifeflight) to take them away.

If you follow this blog you know that I have mentioned often my belief in God and his plan for us. I admit in moments like this I feel a little betrayed, and doubt His mercy. My heart aches for the families involved in these situations. Why would anyone be asked to go through this? Is God punishing them or teaching them a lesson? The answers for me have come as I read the scriptures and prayed to the Lord asking him why.  Death is not the end of families.  And the Lord does not punish us by taking them away from us for a time. And like those involved in the accident, we are left for a small moment but then the Lord enfolds us in the arms of his mercy. I am adding a link to a video clip on overcoming tragedy and another on the belief that families can be together forever.

In news related to Will and I and Baby, we are all in good health. Ben is grabbing his toes and eating rice cereal. I am trying to guess what each of his miniature squawks mean and why he doesn't sleep all the way through the night.  Will is still volunteering day and sometimes night to keep up on his studies and get back what he lost. And in the evenings,when he is home, we are giving mom and dad's upstairs a new look. As a follow-up to the prior entry-- I have heard doctors talking about Giffords situation saying that she can heal for up to 18 months after the shooting. To this I say- "poppycock." She'll be healing for years ;)  Will just passed his third year anniversary of the stroke (Feb. 1, 2008), and his recovery is still going strong!