Back to Ohio

Today Will is in Ohio. I am in Utah. Last year at this time we were both in Ohio at a trial rotation back at Riverside Methodist Hospital. This year Will was granted a residency interview at OSU.

Plenty has changed since last year's Ohio visit. First I'll mention Will's improved capacities and then move on to our family's changes.  As for the "now and then" stroke recovery comparisons. I went with Will to Ohio last year because he had a difficult time keeping track of schedules, appointments and organizing his time. This year none of these deficits are issues. I do not worry that he will get lost in the airport or that he will not be able to locate his baggage or that he will be late to any of his interviews. I know he'll do fine. Last year Will's organization and processing speeds deficits tended to make Will seem less "with it." My husband's above average intelligence was masked because of his inability to retrieve information.  This year however, he is different. And while he is not all the way "back" the brain connections are continuing to mend and I believe those who knew him will see a difference.

As for our situation, last year we returned from Ohio jobless and again with no guarantee that Will would ever be a doctor, but nonetheless with family as a first priority we decided to have a baby.  We put our newly remodeled condo up for rent, moved into mom and dads basement apartment and set a strict budget (Will has a disability benefit). Now instead of a my working and planning trips and gatherings with our friends, I am waking up three times a night to feed Ben and I send my hubby off to volunteer for eight hours and then to class for another three. But as any happily married wife and new mother can attest-- I have never been happier.  The proof is in the pictures, it's in this video. The truth is that while life and it's expenses and hardships have gotten harder -- it's also much, much better. I love Will more everyday and I couldn't ask for a better son.

Meanwhile, only time will tell if tomorrow's OSU interview evolves into a position for Will at their hospital, or if he'll be accepted back into any training program for MD's this year. But no matter the outcome we'll continue working towards our goals, because we both believe someday he will be able to return to the demands of being a doctor.

Summer

ps the pics are Ben, Will and I and Will's sibs at Temple Square.

My life

Well, its sometimes hard to know what to blog about. I think my principle purpose is to talk about me and my progress back to getting a normal job and life. I guess thats why this is called my Recovery blog. On the other hand, I also like to talk about Benjamin, since he is my only son and he is so cute. I guess I'll just have to spend a little time talking about both.

First, my progression on the job front. Right now I'm spending three mornings a week at the Maliheh Free Clinic which is a clinic for the poor. I mostly translate there. I spend five afternoons a week at the CVRTI which is the Cardiovascular Research and Training Institute at the University of Utah. On Thursday and every other Tuesday night I have a radiology tech course which I'm taking at the DATC. On Monday and Wednesday mornings I apply for jobs. I guess I'm pretty busy. Hopefully something will come of it soon.

Now, as far as Benjamin is concerned, he is just such a cute little guy. He is now about seven weeks old and was ten pounds last time he was weighted. He's a pretty good boy, and mostly obedient. Well, okay, he really can't be disobedient yet. Anyway, he's cute. Last week we went up to Beus pond in Ogden and took him for a little stroll. We also dressed him up for Halloween.

Time is….

…a whirlwind right now. I don't know if it's going too fast or slowing down. Being a new mom is out of this world. Between little sleep, recovering from the delivery and spending so much of my day caring for Benjamin- emotionally, physically, mentally I'm being pushed to really focus and learn to keep life and baby balanced.

Since this blog is not Summer's Blabbers Blog, I'll move on to the comparison - we are in the midst of "pushing" Will. On top of all the clinic work, lab work, and school work -- Will is still applying for residency, jobs, and studying for Step 3. This schedule is bringing added focus and organization into Will's recovery that he has not had prior.  He is doing great. I continue to see recovery in Will week to week. He is remembering names and details more than he ever has.  It's fun to see improvement after such a length of time.

However, despite all of this recovery/work/effort, Will is still unemployed. There are plenty of reasons why Will could hang up his gloves and quit trying at this point, it's been two and a half years and he has still not had a break in the career arena.  He has been told that he is not going to get any better and that most of the stroke recovery happens in the first year. But as you can guess, we don't believe we are as far as we are going to get in terms of his recovery. We won't believe that he can't be a doctor. So we'll continue to write in this blog and time will continue to roll forward at whatever pace it needs to in order for Will to achieve what he is dreaming. So keep with us on our journey because we're getting to the good part, and in the meantime enjoy the photos of the cutest little guy (and bigger guy) you've ever seen.

Summer

ps I know it is Will's time to blog but he's awful busy and I didn't want too much time to pass without updating the blog.

Things are picking up

Forgive me if this entry is shorter than usual (Actually, you'll probably be thanking me that it is shorter in contrast to the novels I usually write). But I have just a minute before our baby, Benjamin David, wakes up. As you've guessed Will and I are the proud parents of a little boy. He was born Saturday night, weighing 7 lbs 9 ounces. He is healthy and strong and everything a parent could dream of. Sweet and quiet, a disposition much more like his dad than like his mothers. What luck ;)

Well the purpose for this entry is to complain. O I mean give thanks. I don't know what the purpose of this entry is other than I am a full fledged mother-- tittering around the home trying to figure out how to take care of a tiny human being and Will is not around. He is swamped with work (unpaid but great for preparing him for a good career). Will works at a free clinic in the mornings, as a lab technician in the afternoons and at nights attends classes to get a limited practice license in preforming Xrays. In his free moments-- which are few and far between--- he is applying for jobs, residency and preparing for his upcoming class.

This crazy schedule is just what the doctor ordered for returning Will to his pre-stroke capabilities. Really I imagine he'll have a lot more capabilities once he has picked up a few more trades along the way to becoming a doctor.   He is doing wonderful. He has changed his doctor emphasis from internal medicine to radiology (a much more family friendly practice). Hopefully we'll dig up some interviews from residencies around the country in the coming months. If not well try again next year.  Thanks again for following our story!

Summer

Scofield

Last weekend Summer and I went on a trip down to Scofield. Scofield, for those of you who don't know, is located about two hours south of Salt Lake. It's a nice little town on the edge of a lake. We, however, didn't actually go there. We went to a friends cabin which was actually quite a ways away and in the middle of no where. I guess it was still part of Scofield, but it was definitely out of the way.

We went there with our friend Matt and his wife and two other couples, one of which included Matt's sister. We went on Friday night. It was labor day weekend and so most of our group was going to stay until Monday, but we decided to go back home on Saturday night.

Anyway, are activities included riding ATVs, fishingand paintball shooting. Most of this happened on Saturday, after we had gotten a good nights rest. The ATVs were fun. I had never ridden on one before, but it certainly wasn't hard to figure out. I went out several times including once or twice with Summer. Unfortunately (or fortunately I guess) Summer, due to the pregnancy, felt better driving because she could stand up more easily when we were going over rough patches.

On Saturday afternoon we went out to the "lake" and fished. I put lake in quotation marks because it wasn't a lake. It was a pond, but lake sounds better when your telling your friends about it. Anyway, it was big enough to canoe on, and there was a thing in the middle that you could just sit and fish on. I cast in my line several times (it was legal because the pond was owned by Matt's father and so I didn't need a license) and reeled in several times, but caught only some sea weed. Apparently it was too early in the afternoon to really hope to catch anything. It was fun though, and a nice way to relax.

In the evening before dinner Matt invited the boys to go paint-balling so the four of us headed out while our wives cooked up some fixings. We drove to a wooded place and got ready. We divided into teams. Matt and I on one and the other two on the other. Then we went our separate ways and at the appropriate signal began approaching each other with the intent to shoot. We of course had on our camouflage and our protective helmets so that we couldn't actually hurt one another. Unfortunately one of the guns malfunctioned and wouldn't shoot, then another gun did the same thing. Turns out they wereout of compressed air which is necessary to propel the ammo. Mine wasn't one of those guns but I gladly gave it up so that one of the other guys could have a good gun. We then had a one-on-one competition and then went home to have some grilled chicken.

After dinner Summer and I took off for home. It was a nice trip and we were both glad that we went.

As far as pregnancy goes we are hoping that all will go well and counting down the weeks until Summer's due. Right now were at two and a half. I've also got a position at a lab at the U which I am starting soon. Its not payed right now, but it could be in the future. Finally this Thursday I will start taking a radiology class which will go until the end of the year.

Pneumonia

I know it's not a fun word.   Especially if the word is a description of your husband's health at the present moment.  Two weeks ago Will came down with a cold that turned into lots of grumpiness.  Will is a pretty even tempered guy so when he was supposedly over his cold but continued to be easily irritated I should have suspected something was up but instead -- wife (that's me)  was not happy with him.  Finally after a night of  Will coughing, I swallowed my pride and thought maybe he should see a doctor. A few hours later I get the call-  Will had cancelled his volunteering at the Maliheh Clinic and Temple for that day and told me he was coming home to sleep. After an Xray the doctor confirmed that Will had Pneumonia. I am eight months pregnant so I immediately called my doctor to see how concerned I should be for our baby's health. He thought since I did not already have it-- I would probably not get it. So luckily I did not have to ban myself to another place to stay for this past week.

I know that I have covered a wide range of healing that happens through the stroke process. Today I want to cover a different type of healing--- I will call it "continuous hope healing."  Just when it feels like we're going to get a break --something happens.  The nuero pysch test that we were sure would come back with flying colors of Will's progress (because this is what I have observed)  still pointed towards some bumps in the road to Will becoming a doctor.  At this point I could go into justification for why the test was wrong and why Will is farther ahead than stated in the test, or even that in the last two and a half years he has yet to be given a real life opportunity (a job or schooling) that could bring him "all the way" back up to speed so of course he can't be "all the way" better.  But instead of hopping on that soap box I want to say- It's hard. It is hard to keep up hope, we are running up against so many walls. In a perfect world someone would have championed Will's cause and given him every possible opportunity to succeed instead of fail-- allowing him to make the necessary mistakes to regain all of his pre-stroke capacities. This is the brain here. It is very elastic and very capable of the healing -  but without opportunities to grow progress is slower!

Through tears I can't tell you how many times I have thought "This is not fair!"  Will deserves so much more. He is capable of so much. So if dealing with Will's stroke rehabilitation  and pneumonia wasn't enough-- I have been presented with my own challenges, personal attacks, financial stresses, and  a feeling of total inadequacy that in less than six weeks -- broken hearted and afraid-- I am going to bring a child into this world.   I know my story is one of millions. O the heartbreak so many have felt. The fear and the despair. But this can't be the end all be all. I don't think we are here on this earth to suffer and then suffer more. I know we  are not. For out of our greatest trials come our greatest blessings-- my marriage to Will was only possible because he had a stroke. Another trial has been sacrificing my job, my condo (which is rented out currently), and other things worldly comforts to have and raise this child at home-- I don't think I will ever regret these trials (experiences). If I can get to any point in this blog entry it would be that Gratitude is the source of "continuous hope healing" if we lose hope, we lose everything. I am learning to be grateful for what we do have and not look back at what we have lost.

If you've made it to the end of this blog entry AKA novel -- you've accomplished much. As usual we are grateful for your support and thank you for your continued prayers and readership.  May you find much to be grateful for today-- that is my prayer :)

Sincerely,

Summer

ps I've posted a picture of my wonderful hubby and I and another picture of my big ole belly that I am carrying around lately ;)  Wilson's health is great!  We are down to six weeks and I am starting to see the doctor every week.

pps I wanted to plug my new blog www.SummerImage.com and website  (I'm a stay at home photographer and writer) and also my sister-in-law's wonderful blog on raising children and exercise.

ppps  Sorry I am terrible at every day details-- Will is looking for jobs, applying for residency and recently signed up  for a class on Radiology Technology -- to get a limited liscense certificate to be able to do Xrays come December.

Caring for kids

This past week Dale, Summer's oldest brother, went on a trip with his wife to Austria. He went there to play with the symphony he is part of. He left four children behind and strict instructions to take care of them while he was absent. His children include Jessica, who is the eldest, followed by Shalice, then Braden, the only boy, and last of all Rachel who is still quite little and hasn't learned how to talk yet. We had the privilege of taking the first watch with the children.

This began Sunday afternoon. I remember I was kind of tired and so, after I had taken Dale and Amy to the airport I went to sleep for a while. Well I wanted to. I couldn't though, and that was probably fine.

On Monday one of the cool things we did was that Braden and I went on a bike ride to Braden's elementary school. It actually wasn't too far away, nor was it a very difficult ride, but it was nice to see that he knew how to get there, and that he knew how to ride his bike. In the evening we had a nice FHE where we talked about some of the stuff in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet provided to us by Jessica.

On Tuesday I was gone at the Maliheh clinic for most of the day. Fortunately nothing drastic happened while I was away. In the evening we played Skip-bo among other things.

On Wednesday we packed up the kids and drove them up to Grandma's and Grandpa's. Summer and I then made a quick trip over to the hospital for a checkup on Wilson (who is doing very well). When we got back we found that Grandma and Grandpa had stolen the kids, but fortunately they were returned safe and sound later that day.

Now on another note. I'm doing well. I'm working towards residency, and much of the other time these days is spent pursing an interim career of some sort for me. I'm looking for a job that involves my medical training, hopefully I will be able to find something like that soon.

Another thing that I have done recently was put in a new microwave above our stove including adding a new outlet in the cupboards above. I also got those bathroom cabinets in. I think we talked about them a few weeks ago when I mentioned the leak I created, but I don't know if I have included a picture.

Testing & Trials

I am going to open the door "just a little" into our lives for a minute, as I might with a close friend. I hope by doing this it might let you know our gratitude for your support. Will received his third installment of nueropsych results. We have tested him every year about this time. The test outlines different cognitive abilities and deficits. Specifically dealing with memory, appearance, processing speed and so on. Because Will has moved past so many deficits, the test was only a couple hours. (Last year it was a day and the year before it was two days). It is critical, however, for us to be able to "erase" all the deficits, to be able to move on to be a doctor-- for in this career field it is life or death, no room for error. Because we are admits the making of many decisions and have many decision makers making decisions I have to keep our cards close.  But generally speaking, you can already guess from the title of this blog that recovery is still happening, so all is not erased.

Will is coping with the reality that after two and a half years he has yet to regain his dream of becoming a doctor (and still having to deal with the medical school debt as if he were a doctor). When Will and I first decided to marry, that decision came under intense scrutiny-- whether my intentions were real, or Will's stroke was too great a burden to share, or whether he understood the marriage commitment at that point in his recovery… whatever it was - we were under fire. During that time of trial, the year following his stroke, things changed.  We had dated on and off for years, but it was when I saw him face this Goliath, of losing so much and still turning to the Lord - I knew I could trust this guy with my life. I share this experience with you to let you know, my love for Will has grown this week. He is facing this time, like a true champion. He has continued to turn to the Lord and make right decisions.  What more could I ask for in a husband. I am so grateful for him.

Meanwhile, we are both learning more than I thought physically/spiritually possible. Lessons like, what really matters in this life, why is there so much suffering, how long are we called to bear great burdens, and so on. Not that we know the answers to these questions, rather we know that there are answers and the answer has everything to do with our Lord's great love for his children. Somehow the Lord's power and love can find a home into the hearts of those who mourn, and those who suffer. That love is what matters in this life, if everything were taken away from us- and that love was all that remained, than that would be enough. Luckily, however, we have been given so much more...

Below is a picture of one of my best friends and I. I am due at the end of September, Boni is due at the end of October. This is a fun pic because for Boni, after five years of trying to have children doctors told her she would never have children of her own-- well one adoption and two pregnancies later-- she is one happy mother.  Meanwhile, I was single and wanted a family too. We both got our greatest desires.

This is a pic of Will celebrating the 4th of July with my nephews by sitting in a helicopter.

Will preforming the Hungarian Dance by Brahms at my 93-year-old grandpa's Fathers Day celebration.

This is our crib we've set up two and a half months early.  We are soooo excited to be parents!  I have to keep telling Will it's too early to put the car seat in ;)

And of course a picture of Will and I on one of our many adventures.

Vacation with Summer

I've been kind of remiss in writing these days. I say that because I don't want you to think that nothing has been going on in my life. Only that I haven't, I guess, spent the time to write it down. A lot is going on, especially now that it is time, once again, to start getting residency applications done. Anyway, I am doing stuff. I'm just not always writing it down.

I think in the last posting something was mentioned about me telling about the Clarke family vacation that we took in Bear Lake last month. It's the Clarke family vacation because as you may or may not know I married a Clarke. Of course all this is off the topic. The point being is that we went to Bear Lake, and Park City and had a wonderful time.

Summer's sister Cami married a guy whose family owns a cabin up at Bear Lake. Its a pretty nice cabin close to the water with a fun backyard that includes a tower and a fire pit. Up there one of the fun things we did was have competition somewhat like the olympics which the kids participated in and we, the adults, cheered. We also had fun in the water including playing Ultimate Frisbee although that was pretty short lived.

On our last day in the Bear Lake area we went to a cave. It was pretty neat to see the stalactites and -mites. It was also nice because we didn't have to hike to it. The entrance was only a hundred or so feet from the parking l0t.

The second part of our vacation was spent in Park City. There we had a nice dinner at a local restaurant. We also got to swim in the pool that was at the place we stayed. And we played a rousing game of croquet in the grass below the patio.

All in all, it was a good time. I hope you all get to go on fun vacations as well this summer.

Springing a Leak

I was settling down for one of my most coveted hours of the day yesterday (the one where I turn my space heater on and study whatever I want to, in this case it was the lesson I had to teach in church today). Meanwhile, Will had put himself busily to work installing metal cabinets in our bathroom. We had marked the studs where the stud finder indicated that the wood would be- and all he had left to do was drill the holes. Clearly I was not needed so I started into my studies. After two minutes, my generally very calm husband was screaming-- Summer, Summer, Summer! At the same time I heard water pounding against a hard surface. I rushed into our bathroom to see water spraying out of a hole in the wall. My hubby had hit a main water line. This may have been fine and dandy had my father been home to tell us how to shut off the water. No such luck.

Will ran upstairs to find help and I spent a few helpless moments envisioning the water damage - walls having to be torn down and cabinets having to be removed. So I quickly grabbed our cooler, we had used for our vacation this past week, and started the tedious process of filling it up with water and dumping it in the bath. Meanwhile, Will had called my dad and was trying to pry open the metal door to the home's water supply. -- About five minutes had passed by the time Will came back to help with the cooler- I was soaked the floor was soaked and the situation was only worsening. The wall was starting to bubble and the hole was getting bigger. Finally, we pryed the metal door off of it's hinges and Will turned the water off- which left a trickling flow of remaining water (see the picture below).  The actual fix was not as difficult has I had originally envisioned. Within 30 minutes my dad was back with a clamp for the pipe and the problem was fixed (Dad said in the "old days" that repair would have been much more difficult to fix, but because Will is not the first to drill into a water pipe unknowingly- plumbing stores have since "smartened" up their technology and the repair went quick).

The whole situation was so crazy/amusing I couldn't help but blog right away about our miniature catastrophe ;)  Stay tuned for Will's report on our vacation to Bear Lake and Park City. It was very fun! O one last news moment - in the midst of the whole week of recreation "Will'son" decided to start his first detectable kicks and summer saults in my stomach!  Yahoooooo! Things are going well with our baby. He is somewhere between 1.5 to 2 pounds and 13 inches in length. We can now speak and he hears and he can detect light... Our baby is growing and we are sooo excited!

Until next time, this is Summer signing off…

Wind Surfing

Last night Summer and I went to a fireside, or church meeting, given by Nolan Porter. Porter was training to be an air force pilot when he was struck by lightning while windsurfing in Florida. He was with his two brothers when the accident happened, but was actually rescued by members of the Blue Angels flight crew who were on the beach having a barbecue at the time. He and his brothers where trying to get back to shore because of the storm when the lightning struck. He stopped breathing and his brothers went out of their boat to rescue him. For some reason, however, they weren't able to get to him. Members of the Blue Angels heard the commotion and got in their boat to help out. When they got there one of them dived in to rescue him. He unfastened him from the surfboard, but then lost him and he began to sink. He swam down to try to find him but couldn't. On the way up, however, he felt his foot and was able to get grab him and get him back to the ship. On the ship they started CPR and got him back to land. They continued CPR for a long time, but were about to give up. His brother, however, wouldn't let them. He then made it to the hospital. In the hospital his heart stopped eight times over several weeks. They were going to unplug him from life support, but again he survived. He eventually made it back home to Utah. He was initially paralyzed from the neck down, but over time he was able to regain ability to use his muscles and now can walk again. He has also been blessed with two kids and has gotten a masters degree since the accident.

It was a pretty neat fireside. And its nice to know that I'm not the only one in my situation. Hopefully all continues to go well and I get back everything I used to have. If all goes as planned I will do some rotations at the U med school in the next few months. Hopefully that will allow me to prove that I can go back and finish residency.

As a side note, and knowing that pictures are liked, I've included some photos that we took while getting rid of a household pest.

Decisions

Will and I are coming up on another year of preparing applications and getting the go ahead to apply for residency.  I wish that I could say that this decision and movement in this direction is cut and dry.  We've learned from past experience that it is not. We have been looking for the one thing that will prove Will is ready to go back. But the truth is-- we still need help. We need to be able to "mentor" him back-- with education and "on the job training."  Those of you who have been following the blog for the past two years, know that we have run up against a lot of walls- dead ends. The most difficult wall was our not being able to reengage in Ohio. This blow knocked us down and took us out for awhile.

I am learning to look at Will's recovery differently. From the eyes of "what are we supposed to learn" and "how can we make the right decisions at the right time."As far as what we are to learn: In a perfect world Will would have never had a stroke. In a perfect world we wouldn't have to face hard decisions and at times what seems like unsurmontable trials. Or is the truth that this is the only way to perfection. What is really being tested and decided at this point is our characters. Not whether or not Will is going to be a doctor. The reality is that time will tell and we have very little power over how fast Will recovers. However, the great and unforgettable blessing in this time of trial continues to be that I have Will, and he has me (and we have Wilson on the way). 

As for "how can we make the right decisions at the right time" well if you could picture shrinking to the size of a human cell and flying through Will's ear and connecting to his Hypothalamus through one of his major blood vessels-- and then watching the nuerons paste themselves back together and re-direct around the damaged areas-- then you can guess that not even the most studied doctor can tell you when the "exact moment" Will will be able to return to practice medicine. The only way I know to find the answers to these questions (and the answer to the biggest question of all --  "will he even return to practicing medicine") is prayer.  I have felt the answers to some of these difficult questions. The Lord-- does know what is going on in my husbands mind.  He knows the beginning from the end. I know he will direct us one question at a time, as he has in the past. 

As for the answers I have found and know for certain, Will's brain is still healing.  It is exciting to see Will do things that he has never done before. For example he has been sitting in front of a computer screen for the past two hours typing a talk he will give tomorrow at toastmasters. He has typed more than a page already. (Jump back a year ago he was barely able to type a few paragraphs without getting frustrated with the mechanics of the keyboard and the computer programs-- these are no longer an issue).  Will has also stepped off a few critical plateaus in the past few months-- having to do with fatigue and inattention-- he is much more attentive than he has ever been.  His memory also continues to show improvement. I believe that Will is going to be able to preform at very high levels in the future. That our tears will be turned into diamonds. Keep watching and praying! For both Will and I and in your own lives, the answers will come.

Sincerely,

Summer

ps  As you've probably guessed our son's current nickname is Wilson-- "Will's Son."  We got our first little baby boy outfit this week and everytime I walk past it I have to touch it and imagine our little boy in it. We are soooo excited to be parents. 

pps The pics are Will watching one, of many, programs my nieces put on for us at family gatherings. The other is us at Liberty Park-- alright I admit it -- a park instead of a climb or hike is what I am up to now-a-days. So sue me ;)

Ultimate Frisbee

For the past while I have enjoyed playing a sport called Ultimate Frisbee. Unfortunately I don't know the details of the sport. You know, stuff like where it started, or who invented it. But I do enjoy playing it. It's really simple, all you do is throw the frisbee from one team member to the next until you get across the goal. If you drop the frisbee, or it hits the ground, the other team gets it. You can't run with the frisbee, however, you have to pass it. I think I started playing when I was in high school so I've known about it for a while.

Since this is my recovery blog I suppose I should relate the topic to my recovery. Frisbee has nothing to do with my life in Ohio, or my stroke, but I am thankful that I can still play. I was really lucky. I could be dead, or paralyzed on one side of my body, but I'm not. I can still function, and do any physical thing I did before. Meanwhile, I imagine I still have a few more mountains to climb, but I know I have the ability to keep going.

PS For those of you wondering about our baby, and specifically what it is, here is a video for you . . .

If you cannot see the video-- check it out at the following link Blueberry

Perception

I'll start this blog on a soap box and end up on Will's recovery (With a couple of blueberry comments mixed in of course). My soap box. This morning I was listening to a talk on William Tyndale. He was a scholar and protestant who lived in the 1500's, who despite death threats from the catholic church, went into hiding to translate and publish the bible into english so it could be available to the common people. While this is an act of heroism, in his day it was a perceived to be an act of "throwing pearls before swine." He was thrown in jail for a year and a half and then hung and burned at the stake.

Truth is something worth fighting for even if those around us don't always see it. In Ohio, and here in Utah, Will has received some ugly, and not true, marks. He has been perceived to some doctors as not caring and uninterested in becoming a doctor. However, in an interview Will had this week he was deemed overqualified for a lab position that could give him more experience and lead to continuing his career as a doctor. Perception right now is killing us. Many reading the blog may have the impression that I am the driving force (seeing as I am the vocal one ;) Well the truth is I have asked and almost begged him to let this go. To move onto a different career. It's too hard to get back in. His deficits too great. Will knows and I'm guessing the followers of this blog know that whether I am married to a janitor or a doctor it doesn't matter. All I want is to be with Will and for him to be happy. But Will refuses to let go. His love for medicine and to work in the field of medicine has only grown since the stroke. He also once said to me "What kind of example would I be to our children if I gave up, we want them to learn the value of hard work…"

So the next question is -- why such a discrepancy in perception. Well I am going to hit you all really hard on the head with a cast iron -- I mean really hard ;) And then ask you a lot of questions and expect high performance and clear answers. Meanwhile, don't close your eyes while I am talking to you, and whatever you do Don't try to sleep off the jolt. That is not acceptable in the "real world" we have to be vigilant and anxious at all times or we're not successful. I know I am being dramatic. But I hope the drama has created the effect I was looking for. Will is and continues to work himself out of a daze. Instead of a cast iron, Will's brain was deprived of oxygen for more than 13 hours. The fact that he is alive is a miracle in itself. Him taking more than a couple of years to recover is exactly what I expect, with so traumatic of injury. So will he ever fully recover is the real question we're asking? The good news is we still don't have to rename this blog. Will seems to come out of his daze more and more every day/week. It is harder to see the change. Much like at first as a child they seem to change weekly but by their late teens it is hard to identify physical changes as readily. Will's recovery gets more difficult to describe, but I can guarantee the doctors in Ohio who saw him a half a year ago would see notable changes. He is just more with it now. His logic and ability to describe situations is more dynamic. Will is recovering. He is not 75 and at the end of life. He's 32 and just beginning. His brain has great capacities to heal-- just watch the blog you'll see great things happen :)

So the blueberry comments I promised-- I've posted a picture of my ever growing belly. Meanwhile, Will's smile is also ever growing with the approach of the birth of his first child. We will find out May 11th if we are having a girl or boy. My guess is it is a girl and Will's guess is that it is a healthy baby. So I hope Will is right and I imagine I've got a fifty percent chance of being right. We're soooo excited to be parents, despite financial hardships I can't imagine not having this child come into our lives at this time!

Sincerely,

Summer

Biking in Colorado

So last weekend Summer and I went with her sisters and there husbands and families on a bike riding trip to Colorado. The trip started out with almost being canceled. Derik, Summer's brother in law, who was pretty much planning the trip called us up at 11:00 the night before we were supposed to leave to tell us that he couldn't go because he had to much work to do. Well, that of course was not acceptable so we worked on it a little bit and it ended up that he could go. We just had to leave a little later than we had originally planned. In other words we got to our campsite at about 1:00 in the morning. Anyway we all slept well that night and the next day after a delicious breakfast prepared by Summer we were ready to hit the trails. Well almost. I, unfortunately, had the misfortune of having a flat tire and so while the rest of the group went for a ride Summer and I went into town to find a bike shop. We did and were able to get my bike in working order in time for the afternoon ride. The afternoon ride was great, the first half was uphill and then it was downhill with some great scenery. Unfortunately, just before we reached the downhill part of it, Tyler, my other brother-in-law, got a flat tire. It was kind of more than a flat tire, a small explosion maybe. Anyway, Summer was nice enough to offer to let him take her bike and walk back with his. Part of her willingness may have something to do with the little blueberry (baby) inside of her. So with that we finished riding the trail and then found Summer at the end of it. After that we went back to camp and had a delicious dinner and played some games before retiring. The next day Summer and I went with Tyler and Cami around the lake and then we took off for a picnic and relaxing ride home.

The first four pictures are from the trip. The last two, however, are from a recent hike Summer and I took up Waterfall canyon in Ogden.

Announcement

So we've just entered a whole new realm of recovery. It's called Will takes over all the tasks and meals of the day while I try to keep from loosing my second lunch. As you've guessed, Will is going to be a father! I've moved through a hundred different phases since we learned the news January 17th. I vacillate between "Yippee" and "Holy cow-- I'm gonna be a mom." The next paragraph is Will's blurp on the baby news- On my side I have to tell you I am thrilled. Becoming a mother has always been a life time dream of mine and I keep pinching myself just to make sure it is real. I thank heaven everyday that Will is the one who will bring balance to the force-- I always worried that my children would never know how to sit still and be calm. I now have a little hope for my offspring. I'll finish the blog with the specifics to the baby timeline, but for now know that this baby is a new and very strong motivating factor in Will's life. He is really on fire lately with his efforts to return to "normalcy" he is up on his own every morning, studying and preparing and exercising for the day. He is applying for jobs part of the week and volunteering the other half the week. OK-- so I'm giving the keyboard over to Will now...

Well, that was quite the introduction. I do have to say though that I am very excited and hope to be a good father. I'm sure it will take a little bit of learning (probably a whole lot), but I hope that not to many mistakes are made along the way. Anyway, we are through the first trimester and Summer is having a little bit of an easier time now. We hope that continues. We have a biking trip to Colorado planned for next week and hope that turns out well.

OK it is Summer again-- so the baby details--- We got our first ultra sound (below) at 8 1/2 weeks. The baby's head was the same size as the body and in all the baby was three quarters of an inch long. Our next appointment was a week and a half ago. We were about 13 weeks along and we heard the heartbeat. The baby has fingers, toes, lungs, eyes, lips, and all the other parts that baby's have at 13 weeks. Currently the baby is about an inch and a half long, and the size of a small orange. We are due Sept. 28, 2010 and will find out in the next month and a half whether it is a boy or girl. I will attempt not to turn this into a "baby blog" but will probably mention our little blueberry often in the posts. Because of the latest news our focus is on getting Will a job with benefits. I am not working-- but I have been writing for newspapers and doing a bunch of contract work at home. I have to say-- getting a guy with a doctorate's degree a more entry level job is practically impossible-- darn doctorate degree getting in the way ;) He is still studying for the Boards and hopes to take them this summer and reapply for residency this fall -- keep your fingers crossed and your prayers going!

Summer & Will

ps The last picture is of Will building a garden box with my dad. Since living here we couldn't help but hop on the garden train. This year we have planted potatoes and want to plant carrots and squash when the weather warms.